An iron 3 panel takes on IdrA’s release from EG, trailers for Ender’s Game and the World’s End, the Great Gatsby, and script analysis services in Hollywood.

Featuring: Jeff, Rob, Christin

Table of Contents:

Intro’s – Start – 5:00

Trailer time!Ender’s Game – 5:00 – 13:10
The World’s End – 13:10 – 17:30

IdrA’s release from EG – 17:30 – 23:20

The Great Gatsby post-viewing breakdown – 23:20 – 38:00

“Big Data” in Hollywood – 38:00 – 52:00

Geek of the Week & Wrap – 52:00 -  End

Audio Credits:

This episode contains audio excerpts from the Ender’s Game Trailer, The World’s End trailer, the Hot Fuzz Trailer, an excerpt from 30 Rock, and Jay Z’s 99 Problems.

Bonus material can be found on the Tumblr.

The G1 panel breaks down Iron Man 3. Feelings are had.

Featuring: Christin, Jeff, Rob, Jon

Table of Contents:

Intros: START – 6:35

I RON MAN THE THIRD: 6:35 – 52:00

Fantasy Summer Box Office Update: 52:00 – 54:40

Geek of the week and wrap: 54:40 – END

Audio Credits:

Break Audio includes excerpts from Eiffel 65′s I’m Blue and Black Sabbath’s Iron Man.

Bonus material can be found on the Tumblr.

The panel talks “the future”, which X-Men movies suck and rock, and what makes for a good comic book movie.

Featuring: Laurie, Jeff, Rob, Jon

Table of Contents:

Intros: Start – 4:30

It’s 2013, where the hell is my _____?: 4:30 – 16:00

The Great X-Men movie debate: 16:00 – 44:00

What makes for a good comic book movie? Is it different from other adaptations, etc? 44:00 – 1:00:00

Geek of the week & Wrap: 1:00:00 – End

Audio Credits:

Break audio includes an excerpt from Back to the Future and the theme to FOX’s 90′s X-Men cartoon.

Bonus material can be found on the Tumblr.

The panel tackles the cancellation of Futurama and the many upcoming Summer Blockbusters.

Featuring: Jon, Rob, Michelle, Christin (and later Jeff and Marcus)

Table of Contents:

Coming soon…

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is the theme to Futurama, break two audio is from the Thor trailer. Also featuring the Catching Fire trailer.

Bonus material can be found on the Tumblr.

The Penny-Arcade prospectors have boldly struck out into new territory, this time with a reality series. Are they wistfully chasing a pipe dream or have they found artistic gold in their new recruits?

Penny-Arcade stands at the zenith of webcomics. Its creators, Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik, are ostensibly two guys who dick around, play video games, and make cartoons. Don’t let this fool you. Penny-Arcade has expanded their operations to creating the largest gaming festival in North America (PAX) and a multimillion dollar charity (Child’s Play). Penny-Arcade’s humble beginnings have transformed into a sprawling empire.

So what’s next? The business savvy for the operation is provided by the shadowy, diabolical ping-pong master and “President of Operations and Business Development”, Robert Khoo (known aliases: “Khoolio”), and he doesn’t think they are anywhere near their limit. Their Kickstarter campaign last summer was a call to arms, with an ad-free website as the goal and a host of other stretch goals. Rewards for backers ranged from the fanciful to the outright ridiculous. One reward was to have Mike yell out your name as he chased a duck (a promise he made good on). Going down the list, the options grew, and so did their goals. The reward for raising $450,000? A webcomic reality show called Strip Search.

So what is Strip Search exactly? Well for starters, it was the name of a reality TV series from 2001 about male strippers. Fortunately this is quite different. Twelve aspiring web-comic artists have gathered in Seattle for the chance to win $15,000 and the right to spend one year embedded in the Penny-Arcade empire. The only thing standing in the way of that prize is a series of harrowing challenges that test their abilities in all realms of web-comicing. The central theme for events and challenges isn’t just their artistic ability. They also have to face challenges regarding their fans on Twitter, merchandising, and Seattle trivia. At first glance, it doesn’t seem all that different from Top Chef.

On the subject of Top Chef, harvesting its format isn’t a bad thing. The show is wildly popular for a reason. They attract extremely talented and interesting individuals to compete, create some pretty awesome challenges that test the contestants’ entire range of abilities (and then some), and generally bring in the world’s foremost authorities to judge. The show remains focused on the cooking aspect as much as possible while developing a rapport with the audience, then mixes it up here and there (within reason). And Padma is super hot. In summary, Top Chef is awesome. Did I mention Padma was hot? What were we talking about again? Comics, right.

Strip Search isn’t as polished or as opulent as a multi-million dollar network venture, but it can definitely hold its own. They nailed it where it counts, namely with great contestants, attention-grabbing content and challenges, and having the best judges/guests in the industry.

However, unlike Top Chef and most other reality shows, Strip Search’s semi weekly schedule of two 20 minute episodes per week allows for very different pacing. It does an admirable job of spacing out eliminations, ensuring that each one is properly built up. The beauty of the web format is that they do not have to eliminate someone every episode, as is commonplace on network TV. They also have 100% control over the show and don’t have to deal with the same degree of standards and compliance. They can do some pretty awesome stuff as far as “the rules” go. I really don’t want to spoil anything, so I’ll only say that you should expect some curveballs. Contrasting the tense, drama-filled eliminations with the more light-hearted social challenges is a nice change of pace, and the considerably shorter episodes (with no commercials) coupled with very palatable production make it extremely easy to watch a quick episode on YouTube whenever and wherever you want.

Still, the eliminations stand out as the highlight. The format ups the tension (and in-house drama at times), while the interaction with judges/creators Mike and Jerry is a comedic and insightful treat. Strip Search flips around the often boring “judge tribunal selection” and has the winner of the main challenge select the 2 people to be potentially eliminated. Those 2 contestants must then battle it out in a high-stakes, high-stress elimination challenge right in front of Mike and Jerry. They have 90 minutes to create an original comic from 2 randomly selected topics, a very small amount of time. Frankly, it is nothing short of incredible to see what the artists can produce in such a constrained situation. Mike and Jerry also provide some color commentary and friendly (along with not so friendly) ribbing along the way. The PA crew really doesn’t pull any punches, and it is appreciated.

This honesty is a decidedly unique element to Strip Search. The show is still young and the budget is limited, but by not cutting out the hard decisions and anger, the viewer is able to see the process unfold from every angle and every level, from contestant to producer. Though I would love to see some really crazy challenges like sending the contestants on an Alaskan cruise and then helicoptering them out into the mountains to cook for the guys training for the Iditarod… authenticity can make up for a small budget. Sometimes all that flash is unneeded. Of course, I wouldn’t rule out a few grand surprises.

There is a lot going on that you can’t see in any other reality TV show, especially since everyone involved has an online presence. TV shows might have an online presence, but they are nowhere even close to Strip Search. Some of the contestants post in the Penny-Arcade forums and talk about the show with fans directly, the creators are always posting their thoughts on each episode on Penny-Arcade (which generates millions of views daily), and everyone is hyper-active on Twitter. The contestants were also quite vocal at PAX East. This type of interaction with the community adds to all of the great publicity the artists are getting. In some ways, they all win.

There are definitely roadbumps and hiccups along the way, but it doesn’t detract from the experience. Even though Penny-Arcade is steering the ship, which allowed them to adjust very quickly during the filming, you can’t always get everything right on your first try. The show starts off slowly, but once it gets into the swing of things it really gets much better. The many moments of initial awkwardness slowly evaporate as everyone becomes a bit more comfortable and familiar with the format of the show (the crew included).

If you are a fan of comics, art, or Penny-Arcade, it is basically a must-see. If you aren’t, I invite you to give it a chance because it isn’t just for artists. At its core, Strip Search is showcasing an industry that needs more exposure. Plenty of things that don’t deserve air-time or exposure are mindlessly being watched. The passion is genuine, even if that sincerity can take a little while to warm our icy hearts. Ultimately, I found it exceptionally easy to get into Strip Search, and it doesn’t hurt that the show is improving each episode. Episodes are only averaging around 50,000 hits on YouTube. The show needs more interested viewers to stir things up and get the word out. If you are skeptical, give Strip Search the benefit of the doubt and check it out. You won’t be disappointed.

Strip Search is available on Tuesdays and Fridays at http://www.penny-arcade.com/strip-search and also on their YouTube channel, pennyarcadeTV.

After some unfortunate technical difficulties, the gang dives into nerd news, then discusses the merits of film criticism.

Featuring: Jeff, Laurie, Rob, Marcus

Table of Contents:

Introductions: Start – 1:05

Guess that Starcraft Term! 1:05 – 8:30

Nerd News: 8:30 – 17:30
- WCS changes and IPL Buyout
- Consumerist poll names EA worst US company
- Evil Dead tops box office
- LucasArts shutdown- Roger Ebert passes away

Discussion: Movie Criticism: 17:30 – 34:00

Geek of the week & Wrap: 34:00 – End

Audio Credits:

This episode contains audio segments from CNN’s piece on Roger Ebert’s Legacy and the opening to Siskel and Ebert At the Movies.

Bonus material can be found on the Tumblr.

HBO has the unique ability to break the shackles of cable television and put out uninterrupted, well-produced content that isn’t privy to network/rating pressures or stringent guidelines (cough*tits*cough). Some of TV’s most iconic, ground-breaking, and breath-taking shows are a result of HBO’s hard work. Pioneers like Oz, Deadwood, The Sopranos, and The Wire made the network a must have. The current HBO lineup is pretty stacked, but have they really duplicated what made them unique and refreshing in the first place?

In a word, yes. the current line-up is the strongest it has been in years. I don’t want to take away from how genuinely good shows like Veep, Eastbound & Down, Treme, Boardwalk Empire, and Curb Your Enthusiasm are, but there is an elephant in the room, a monster that has taken the world by storm. The artfully played realism juxtaposed with the fantastical setting, supported by its well-written, expertly-portrayed characters all but give it away.

Of course the show I’m talking about is GIRLS. The consensus is unanimous: HBO’s GIRLS is the voice of our generation. Wait, what? Just joking. Workaholics is probably more accurate anyways.

Now while Lena Dunham has done a remarkable (even extraordinary) job of capturing the essence of the uncertainty, angst, and fear of ascending into adulthood in your early 20s, her work is still grabbing a pretty selective audience. The real star, Game of Thrones, seems to know no boundaries. From young to old, and fantasy buffs to reality TV lovers, everyone loves GoT (or “Thrones” as some of the kids are saying these days).

Thrones pulled down an extremely impressive 4.4 million viewers during its season 3 premiere, besting its own records and making it the most watched episode in series history. Comparatively, GIRLS hasn’t broken a million viewers on any episodes (the season 1 finale had 1 million flat). Even The Newsroom was hitting around 2 million through its run (2.3 at the season finale).

So why has Game of Thrones been able to nab so many viewers? Where does the universal appeal of the series truly lie?

The gratuitous, graphic sex and violence certainly have their appeal (SNL had a bit of a field day poking at the show). HBO has made a name for itself by showing some skin, and it can feel a bit forced at times. Then again, Thrones’s source material isn’t exactly PG. Its gratuitous nature might present a valid reason to its popularity, but why aren’t shows like Showtime’s Spartacus (peaking at 1.72 million viewers during the prequel’s finale) raking in Game of Thrones type numbers?

Thrones has a lot of substance beneath the veneer of blood and breasts. The undertaking of the series is massive, with so many plot lines, characters, and locales to deal with. Readers of the books and everyone else can be pleasantly surprised at the painstaking care that HBO has invested in recreating Westeros and its inhabitants. The books can be overwhelming with so many characters to keep track of, and it was often a trial to slog through some sections. I’ll admit it… especially when there is an overly long description. Generally, this might be a negative thing for a lot of people, but it often provided insight into the characters or the universe that are very difficult to convey on screen. Even for non-readers, the show’s detail is another way of immersing and inundating them in Westeros for one hour a week. The show has certainly taken some creative liberties that ultimately make things more convenient and accessible, and I can’t fault it for that.

It’s this mix of flash and substance that Game of Thrones has really nailed. It’s quite a perilous line to tread, and the show is able to strip out a lot of the fluff that pervades throughout the books without sacrificing the integrity of characters and the universe. Since George R.R. Martin is neck deep in the show, he can exercise his creative powers to the benefit of his fans. In fact, the episodes that Martin personally wrote are some of the strongest of the series, especially “Blackwater”. There are so many more elements to the battle that play out in the books, and it was looking pretty impossible to fit everything into one hour. Martin’s reworking and winnowing of the events really allowed for the episode to play out as a very sharply executed and tightly paced climax for season 2.

It also didn’t hurt that there were some inspired performances, especially by Lena Headey (Cersei Lannister).

The casting of the series has been phenomenal. From Sean Bean to Peter Dinklage (Martin’s first choice for Tyrion), each actor has been able to tap into the amount of detail and depth that has gone into the epic fantasy series. There has also been a great influx of new talent being drawn up to the spotlight (especially young talent, like Maisie Williams playing Arya Stark). Expect strong performances from newcomers this season, as the casting lineup includes Ciaran Hinds (and maybe a cameo or two from some “cold” and “snow” associated musical acts).

Let’s talk about setting. The difference between a real location and a studio backlot is something that ultimately translates to a better experience for the viewer. The setting of the series spans so many different climates, aesthetics, and weather conditions. The location scouts at HBO deemed it necessary to have the cast and crew sent to Ireland, Malta, Iceland, and Croatia. After watching a few interviews with the actors and having personally been to the city walls of Dubrovnik, Croatia (King’s Landing), I can see why it enhances the performance. The stellar production value that has become synonymous with huge movie blockbusters is now becoming a norm for premium television. Aside from the sets, the high level of quality for the costumes, props, and makeup weaves an impressive tapestry that can cause anyone to suspend their disbelief.

It’s difficult to translate epic fantasies to the screen, and Game of Thrones is doing the unthinkable by succeeding and bringing in millions of viewers. This current season is probably going to be the most difficult (and ambitious) yet. There is so much to like about the show. Action, political intrigue, some supernatural stuff, sex, gore, a few good jokes and puns here and there, knights, swords, and a killer soundtrack. What more do you need? Well developed story arcs and characters? Insanely high production value with fantastic set pieces and costumes? Peter Dinklage being a boss? It’s all there. The show has something for everyone, and they don’t half-ass it. They whole-ass it so everyone can appreciate it.

As for the actual premiere, the episode wasn’t lackluster by any means, and anyone expecting an action-packed opening should reevaluate what they saw last season. The new episode did a fantastic job of throwing the viewer back into the Game of Thrones universe by revisiting many of our favorite characters in the aftermath of season 2 (and curiously leaving out a few…). This is a much needed establishing shot to build a foundation for the rest of the season. There were a few real flashes of brilliance this episode, hinting at what is to come.

Minor spoilers from the Season 3 premiere follow.

Here are a few of my favorite moments from the premiere:

The opening credits: I probably enjoyed the fact that Winterfell was ruined and smoking during the opening credits a bit too much. It’s the little things that show the amount of care and detail put into the series.

Dragons: There was also a great moment when we first see the dragons. They have a fantastic VFX shot of the dragon dipping into the ocean and catching a fish, then throwing into the air and flash-frying it with fiery dragon breath. In a fluid second, they’ve captured just how elegant and brutal the dragons can become. The kicker? Dany says they aren’t growing fast enough.

The perennial favorite, Tyrion: My favorite moment of the episode was definitely the dialogue between Tyrion, arguably the most beloved character of the series, and Tywin, the cold and calculating father. Each of Tywin’s scathing remarks is more horrible than the last, only to be met with a wittier riposte from an increasingly defensive and despondent Tyrion. Ultimately Tyrion and his sardonic humor break under Tywin’s icy chill as his father undisputedly takes round 1 of the Worst Dad Olympics. Tywin: 1, Tyrion: 0. Expect more.

The third book had more twists and turns than any sane human should have to read, but I’m convinced they aren’t going to screw it all up here. Even if they do, I’m still going to watch it until the bitter end. On its worst day, it’s twice as good as most shows on TV. No matter what happens, things are going to get crazy this season. Remember that moment of frustration you felt in the first two seasons when the screen cuts to black and flashes to “Co-Producer: Greg Spence” at the end of an episode? I guarantee you are going to be screaming at your television until June.

 Game of Thrones Season 3 airs on Sundays at 9 p.m. EST on HBO, and is also available online on HBOGo.

The panel recommends some good books, delves into the return of Doctor Who and Game of Thrones, and discusses Spoiler etiquette.

Featuring: Christin, Jon, Jeff, Michelle

Table of Contents:

Introductions: Start – 6:45

Book Recommendations: 7:00 – 19:00

TV Time: 15:45 – 35:45
Doctor Who (Spoilers) – 15:45 – 28:20
Game of Thrones (TV Spoilers) – 28:20 – 35:15

Discussion Time! Spoiler Etiquette (contains some BBC Sherlock Spoilers): 35:45 – 51:30

Geek of the Week & Wrap: 51:30 – End

Audio Credits:

This episode contains brief clips of The Doctor Who theme (2010-2012) and the Spoiler Alert! Portlandia Sketch.

Bonus material can be found on the Tumblr.

The Duplicity of Hamm.

“Be careful what you wish for because you’ll get it. And then people get jealous and try and take it away from you.”

Thanks Roger Sterling’s mom, but I think AMC already tried to do that once, and after that 2011 contract kerfuffle, Matthew Weiner and co. returned with one of the best seasons of television… maybe ever? I know that’s a bold claim in the ye olde lands of the Interwebs (and sure, Homeland deserves all the 2012 bling it raked in), but Mad Men, a show that’s rightfully earned both awards and cult status for years, got at something weird and dark and devastating last year. Season 5 was an horror movie in slow motion, every episode awash with promised doom. And after 12 hours that kept the ice in our Old Fashions continually rattled… it delivered.

So now we stand, eager for more heartbreak at the precipice of the penultimate season. Don’s fidelity. Peggy’s career. Pete’s hairline. SO MANY QUESTIONS. Here are five interesting ones we hope get answered in Season 6:

1. Will Dawn Chambers get a storyline?

Just as criticisms mounted against Mad Men‘s (perceived) refusal to confront 60s Civil Rights issues, season 5 opened with SCDP’s first equal opportunity hire: Dawn Chambers. An astute professional, Dawn is one of few new secretaries on the show that displayed no learning curve and was even willing to secretly couch surf in Don’s office when work went too late. When cornered with the question of a higher advertising aspirations, Dawn is politely disinterested, a welcome reprieve in a show where some of the highest stakes hinge on pitches for baked beans. There’s even a moment or two that Dawn hints at being from elsewhere (“Y’all sure do drink a lot”), but it’s a world we never see.

Saddling a new African American character with some socially conscious storyline would probably only token-ize her, so it was the smart to use valuable script real estate to explore another season 5 character – copywriting wunderkind Michael Ginsberg. But Dawn’s legitimately in the mix now. It’s hard to believe a larger role for her, beyond being a punchline for Roger and racist clients, would hurt the coming season.

2. How will Betty & Henry Francis stay relevant?

Once a crucial “Stepford”-esque  anchor to Don’s double life, Betty has taken a backseat in Mad Men since their divorce, her influence reduced to the few marginal things her and Don still share: a fleeting emotional attachement (dawww), and their kids, mostly Sally. Which is fine, I guess, but not real meaty part of the show. Even Henry, Betty’s new politician husband, has a sharp and earnest directness that we never get a real helping of amidst a cast of conniving slimeballs (that I love with all my heart, -sniff-).

It’s likely Weiner will keep Betty free of any entanglements with the world of advertising, but one can’t help but wonder: why? Surely there are ways to give Betty and Henry a more prominent narrative foothold. The SCDP crew has dealt with political campaigns before – why not one Henry’s involved in? But whatever, we’ll get our one “Sally Needs the Birds & the Bees talk” episode, a handful of vignettes, a few fat suit memes, and it’ll make perfect thematic sense… but still can’t keep us from imagining more.

3. Where the hell is Sal?

Mad Men‘s ruthless depiction of 60s societal norms and discrimination have always been a big hook for the show, but it’s still easy to miss a character that, by most accounts, was unceremoniously drummed out of the series. Long story short: Godddamn it, show, we all miss Sal. Where the hell is he?

There’s been speculation that Sal might return for a depiction of the 1969 Stonewall riots, but no one even knows what year season 6 will even be set in. And even though Sal’s best moments in the show played off his closeted homosexuality, it feels unfair pigeon hole him as solely a “issue” character. Sal was savvy, funny, and talented. If the show has already shown a penchant for revisiting jettisoned characters (like Kinsey and Midge), why leave a fan favorite like Sal flapping in the breeze? The droves have spoken: the next “Where Are They Now?” episode better feature everyone’s favorite Italian art director-turned-commercial director. Or you can takes this sambuca with coffee beans and shove it.

4. When will Megan’s parents make another appearance?

“At the Codfish Ball” was gleeful reprieve during an otherwise foreboding season, mostly due to a guest appearance by Emile and Marie, Megan’s French Canadian parents. A communist academic with a waning career and shrewd and bitter socialite (respectively), Megan’s parents were a shot in the arm that incisively rendered two of the season’s greatest themes: Megan’s fickleness and the hollow stagnancy of Don’s success. Fans were upset Don felt so reactive all season, but with Megan’s parents visiting, it at least seemed like there were characters around he’d actually have trouble getting one over on.

But better than that, Emile and Marie’s unhappy marriage rippled out and shook up the cast. Sally’s peek at Marie’s rendezvous hardened her already shot-to-hell impression of adult relations, and Roger’s affair with Marie could be a sticky wicket now that he’s mended a bridge or two with his ex, Mona. Bottom line: while other parents on the show (Gene Hofstadt, Pete’s parents, Trudy’s parents) have felt mostly like bumbling, out-of-touch old people, Megan’s parents are sharp and engaged, and feel like we’ve known them for seasons. When the show ends in two years, hopefully that’ll be true.

5. How many more times should Pete get punched in the face?

Probably a lot. Because that was awesome.

What Mad Men answers are you yearning for come this Sunday?

We kick off our second year with the latest trailer for Star Trek: Into Darkness, Nerd News, separating art and artists, and more.

Featuring: Jeff, Christin, Jon, Rob

Table of Contents:

Introductions: Start – 7:00

Trailer Time! Star Trek: Into Darkness: 7:00 – 15:45

Nerd News: 15:45 – 39:45
- PAX East
- The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug live stream- Edgar Wright’s Antman movie test footage
- DC writers/artists jumping ship

Discussion Time! Separating Art from Artist’s re: Orson Scott Card: 39:45 – 52:50

Geek of the Week & Wrap: 52:50 – End

Audio Credits:

This episode features audio from the Star Trek: Into Darkness International Trailer, the trailer for Duck Tails: Remastered, and the SuperCAT jump fail video (the Superman theme).

For more BONUS MATERIAL, check out our Tumblr.

The first two episodes of the Walking Dead are some of the greatest Television ever created. From the sweeping, iconic shots of a deserted Atlanta to the grotesque details of the walker design, each scene is packed with unapologetic heartbreak smeared across a world that’s gone to hell. Our time with Rick as he searches desperately for his family is equal parts frightening and fascinating.

Unfortunately, he had to find his way to the other mainstay survivors that make up the catatonic soap opera that the show was always destined to become. Yet, every time I feel it’s hit rock bottom, it hurls out an episode with a strongly embedded argument for continued viewing; nothing as amazing as the introductory arc, but 45 minutes that are captivating enough that I need to know what happens next.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Season 3 is no exception. Its premise had the potential to hoist the series up by its bootstraps. A menacing villain, a rival colony, the return of Merle, and an argument that in a world full of zombies, humans still have more to fear from each other than anything else. Instead, the Governor ended up a bit of a mess, and that’s coming from someone who likes David Morrissey. The writers spent a lot of time having him flirt with complexity. Every time a menacing or demonizing detail was revealed, the show would plant some sort of semi-justification line in a followup episode. He has men fight bare-fisted in a zombie pit, but it’s all for show like professional wrestling. He keeps a stash of heads in a series of fishtanks, but it’s to remind him of the horrors of the world. He lies about just about everything, but he loves his daughter.

I won’t glorify the previous season, but I will say that Shane made for a much more interesting antagonist. He may have been at odds with Rick, but he was also a properly motivated, almost sympathetic character. Imagine yourself in his position: You save a woman and child you care for deeply, you lead a group of survivors to relative safety, and you make a metric ton of very hard decisions. Then, from literally nowhere, your buddy shows up and wedges his way into every post-disaster role you’ve forged for yourself. Shane’s slip into poisonous territory was also appropriately slow. It was born from bitterness, not an innate maniacal nature. He was not happy to contest Rick, but he eventually just got fed up. Unlike the Governor, his actions weren’t a byproduct of erratic, convenient cruelty. He thought, deep down, that he was doing the right thing.

The biggest issue with the Governor is that any time we get close to a similarly respectable effort at humanizing him, he crosses the line from plain old villainy into cartoonish super villainy. In the episode “Prey”, the Governor stalks Andrea through miles of woodland with inexplicable efficiency. He predicts her moves with the contrived ease, ultimately capturing her juuuust when she’s waving to Rick (shocker). It is one of the worst episodes of the series. The logical gaps it assumes the viewer will ignore are borderline insulting. He then twirls his mustache maniacally as he manages to drag Andrea back to his basement torture chamber without anyone at the prison or Woodbury noticing. I almost gave up on the show.

Then, one week later, the episode “The Sorrowful Life” rides in and saves the day like the freaking eagles in Lord of the Rings. Merle’s abrasive outer shell betrays a side of him we never expected, a man looking for a role. Then, as he drags Michonne to the Governor, their introspective dialogue results in him resolving to martyrdom. This conclusion was reinforced, ironically, by a scene that didn’t even involve him. Earlier, Daryl confronts Glenn, asking him to forgive his brother. Glenn refuses, pointing out Merle’s past crimes, and even Daryl is left without an argument. For Merle, there would never be acceptance at the prison. He takes the only course of action left for him with any integrity.

Of course, he doesn’t kill the Governor. No, the writers couldn’t let that happen. “Let’s just have him come really close.” they say, because anything else wouldn’t fit into the formula. He gets him in the crosshairs but no, there’s a walker. Despite the contrived nature by which Merle is thwarted, his final words are appropriate. “I ain’t gonna beg!” he cries, and for the first time ever I respected the man. The final, heart-wrenching moment where Daryl discovers his now undead brother and puts him down is loaded with emotion. How am I supposed to stop watching now?

I suppose Rick provides a decent argument. Since Lori’s death, he’s been struggling with his mental state and the pressures of leadership. While there’s a well of interesting material there, it’s felt less like a sincere attempt at character development and more like a convenient excuse to place him on the sidelines. While he’s been unsure of himself in the past, he’s always stood for something whether you agree with him or not. Hopefully now that he’s opened up to the group, we’ll see his more decisive side return to the forefront as the season concludes. I want the guy who handcuffed Merle to that roof, who killed his best friend when he knew he had to, and who cleared out the prison despite overwhelming odds. You know, that guy, remember? He should be fighting the Governor. Not this wishy washy dude who doesn’t seem to do much more than look sorrowfully out into the woods with ever so slightly narrowed eyes.

Despite its many faults, I will be finishing out season three this Sunday night. If it continues building off of the intensity of the previous episode, then I may have to reconsider its status as the worst show I can’t stop watching. If not, well, there’s always Game of Thrones.

The fallout from our Nerd Trivia battle comes to fruition, as Christin, Rob, Jon, and Michelle are forced to dramatically reenact a sequence from Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever and discuss the movie. Meanwhile, Jeff is forced to read from 50 Shades of Grey and quote Joel Schumacher’s Batman and Robin.

Moderator: Drunk Jeff

Panelists: Jon, Michelle, Christin, Rob

Table of Contents

Start – 8:20: Jeff reads 50 Shades of Grey (let us never speak of it again)

Part 1: 8:20 – 24:40
- Intros + Who would you rather do, Antonio Banderas or Lucy Liu?
- Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever dramatic reading

Part 2: 24:40 – 52:35
- Ballistic discussion
- Why is this movie so awful?
- What makes a bad movie so bad it’s bad and not so bad it’s good?
- Is this the worst movie you’ve ever seen?
- Worst moments

Part 3: 52:35 – End
- Open discussion
- Jeff is drunk
- Wrap!

Audio Credits

This episode features excerpts from Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On, The Prodigy’s Firestarter, and the theme to Goldfinger.

All 9 regular podcast contributes assemble to battle it out for honor and glory (and nerd superiority). Drinks are involved and hijinks ensue.

THE TOPICS

BBC Sherlock, Diablo, Fahrenheit 451, Professional Starcraft (2012), Community, The Hunger Games (First book and movie), Tarantino Movies, Dark Knight Rises, Game of Thrones (TV only), Batman: Death of the Family

Table of Contents:

Introduction: Start – 10:00
Rounds 1 and 2 (Drafting and True/False): 10:00 – 29:30
Rounds 3 and 4 (Team Multiple Choice and Dilemmas): 29:30 – 1:06:00
Rounds 5 and 6 (Research Battles and Finals): 1:06:00 – 1:47:30
Conclusion: 1:47:30 – End

Audio Credits:

Break one features an excerpt from You’re the Best performed by Joe Esposito. Break two featured an excerpt from Eye of the Tiger by Survivor. Break 3 audio is an excerpt from the FINAL COUNTDOWN by Europe.

Bonus Materials:

The Skype Chat Log.

Heart of the Swarm is among Blizzard’s strongest single player experiences to date. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the shortest. I completed all of its 27 missions and side missions in under 10 hours without skipping a single conversation. Ultimately, though, the $40 pricetag is well worth it. The game picks up where Wings of Liberty left off, but quickly takes steps to get away from all things Terran. This is a good thing because the real fun doesn’t start until you get into the nitty-gritty Zergy bits of tailoring your own custom Swarm. I won’t waste time describing the mechanics to you, I’m just going to talk about what works and what doesn’t.

Spoiler-free Impressions

Like most Blizzard games, HOTS isn’t about re-inventing the wheel. It’s about polishing an existing formula to surpass all previous attempts. In this case, the existing formulas can be found in Blizzard’s two other major franchises, Warcraft and Diablo. There are RPG elements galore in Kerrigan’s development. Her skill permutations can be adjusted at any time between missions, almost identically to building a Diablo III character. Likewise multiple scenarios break out of the typical RTS formula, much like many of the Warcraft campaign missions. Many of these center around controlling just Kerrigan and a small cadre of Zerg. As such, it was extremely important that Blizzard make her into a unit with the lasting power to keep your interest. Here, they delivered. Despite using Kerrigan on a consistent basis throughout most of the missions, I never got tired of experimenting with her different abilities. She was always useful and, more importantly, always fun.

Blizzard also took steps to actively reduce the importance of macro mechanics. Spawn Larva, for instance, is not present in the campaign. Likewise specific upgrades allow you to simply supply management, produce drones more rapidly, and automate gas mining altogether. While multiplayer advocates may react with horror, this was the right call. Macro is part of the competitive tapestry of online play, but dull, repetitive mechanics like spawn larva only become exciting and engaging when you are attempting to perform them better than another person. This dynamic does not translate well into an immersive, single player experience. Competing at injecting with a computer isn’t dynamic because your opponent is inherently monotonous and repetitive, and it’s far more interesting to focus on micro when playing through a story-based mission. Honestly, why would you want to macro when you could be beating people up with Kerrigan?

There are some issues, though. In particular, Blizzard gives us a massive array of extremely powerful permutations for the unit tech tree. Each of the main units you unlock can be modified at any time to possess one of three major upgrades. Likewise, you must choose between two mutations that fully overhaul the unit, giving them a host of new traits and abilities. This looks awesome on the surface, and in a lot of ways it is. The problem is that the options given to you are all too ubiquitously powerful given the basic formula for each mission. I think I can explain it a little better with the following analogy:

Your goal is to build a cube-shaped treehouse. You may choose between a dozen types of high quality wood, and any number of high quality hammers, nails, screws, drills, saws, and paints. While it’s fun to pick and choose, at the end of the day all you’re doing is building a cubic treehouse. It doesn’t matter if you have 3 great saws, because all of them will get the job done regardless of their individual traits.

If you haven’t already figured it out, the treehouse is the campaign missions. The challenges before you are so general that your massive arsenal of units and upgrades doesn’t really matter. You could pick at random and still effectively meet every challenge thrown your way. While this critique is small potatoes, it would’ve been great to see a few scenarios built in that required you to really think about the Swarm you were making. The Zerg’s adaptive nature is central to the race, why not use it to challenge the player in a unique way? Instead, HOTS just throws mixed waves of enemy units at you in semi-predictable patterns. I could go roach/hydra in every single mission and win. I could also go muta/ling/bane in every single mission and still win. Don’t get me wrong, the massive unit upgrade tree is amazing, but it’s wasted without fights that take advantage of its diversity. A few missions come close, but none really do it.

Impressions with Spoilers

Going to start this segment off with a bit of a rant, just so I can get it out of my system.

One of the biggest problems with Starcraft 2′s story is the handling of the Raynor/Kerrigan relationship. In the original game, the two of them were flirtatious portraits who spoke to one and other via the straightforward RTS interface. You could definitely tell there was something between them, but the game didn’t bludgeon you over the head with it. Kerrigan’s transformation leaves Jim conflicted, originally setting out to save her, then vowing to destroy her because of what she’s become.

Given the graphical sophistication of the modern games, we now get to see them interact on screen for the first time as a fully rendered Raynor and Kerrigan. Unfortunately, the interaction abandons all subtlety for melodrama. Jim lightly touches the containment cell, appealing to Sarah to chose a life with him over vengeance. Kerrigan turns away and closes her eyes, her pouty lips purse as she mulls the obviously forced conflict. This is the easiest type of behavior to write, and some of the least rewarding to watch. When the inevitable Dominion attack occurs and Raynor and Kerrigan get to team up again, the dialogue between the two is summed up when they repeat “like riding a bike” to each other.

She spent ~5 years as a bloodthirsty psycho-bitch, guys! The reconstruction of their relationship would not be like hopping on your old Huffy for a spin around the goddamn block.

This issue is further complicated when the primarily re-infested Kerrigan rescues Raynor from prison near the end of the story. He chooses that moment to re-introduce the baggage the conflict between them, ranting about Fenix and the other atrocities. While it’s great that this is finally being revisited, it should’ve happened from the start of Wings of Liberty. Instead of making Jim’s quest about some doe-eyed attempt to save Sarah, his goal should’ve always been Mengsk. His interactions with Kerrigan, when they occurred, should’ve always shown a conflict of emotions, love for the woman he once knew, hatred for what she’d done. That was the story I was hoping for. What we got instead was a confusing mess that doesn’t live up to the potential of either character and feels a bit like a soap opera.

That out of the way, let’s talk about the good stuff, which consists of pretty much every other aspect of the storytelling. The characters who join you on the Leviathan are very well crafted. Abathur, for instance, has one of the best-constructed voices I’ve ever heard in a video game. He’s consistent in his bizarre speech patterns and extremely distinct in his personality. Likewise, the reintroduction of infested Stukov and the conflict with Nerud are excellent. They drive us away from the poorly designed Raynor relationship and into the coming conflict with Amon. After dethroning Mengsk, I was left with excitement and anticipation for Legacy of the Void, as it should be.

In preparation for our one year anniversary trivia battle, the topics are drafted, the participants are interviewed, and trash talk is had.

Table of Contents:

The Draft with Captains Steve and Rob: Start – 16:00
Team Revengeancers Interviews, including Steve, Marcus, Ben, and Laurie: 16:00 – 35:25
Team Greatest Generation Interviews, including Rob, Christin, Michelle, and Jon: 35:25 – End

Audio Credits:

This episode includes short excepts from Beck’s Loser and Queen’s We are the Champions

Throughout the late 80′s and 90′s, point and click adventure games defined PC gaming. While modern genre saturation has classified these well written puzzle solvers as considerably more niche, there was a time when they weren’t just a popular way to play, they were THE way to play. In 1984, Sierra Entertainment released King’s Quest: Quest for the Crown, the first in a point and click adventure series that dominated more than an decade of the genre.

All good things have to come to an end, though, and 1998′s King’s Quest VIII: The Mask of Eternity was the series’ final title to date. As PC gaming evolved there was fear that these classic gems may get left behind. Fortunately, the good people at AGD Interactive (Anonymous Game Developers), a non-profit group founded in 2001 by Britney Brimhall and Christopher Warren, set out to release enhanced versions of the King’s Quest games along with several other titles from that era. After publishing several successful remakes, the organization moved into commercial territory, forming their own shop, Himalaya Studios. After the successful release of their first original title, Al Emmo and the Lost Dutchman’s Mine, and it’s sequel/spinoff, Postcards from Arizona, the studio moved on to an even more ambitious project.

Mage’s Initiation: Reign of the Elements looks to not only continue the tradition of the point and click adventure game, but breath new life into the genre. Designed and written by Daniel Stacey, also of Himalaya, it thrusts you into the role of D’Arc, a young initiate with an inquisitive knack for magic. Summoned by four master mages, he must complete three tasks in order to earn the respect of his peers. These tasks, however, will not be easy.

Now entering the late stages of development, Himalaya has created a Kickstarter with the goal of enhancing Mage’s Initiation in as many ways as possible. After just two weeks, they’ve exceeded their $65,000 goal with over 1,850 backers and added a host of great stretch goals.

Last week, despite a 15.5 hour time difference, Stacey was good enough to sit down with me for a chat about what it’s like to work on a game like this.

How did you first get involved in game writing/design?

It had to do with my association with Himalaya back in the days before it was AGDI. They were doing a King’s Quest I remake and I threw my name in the hat to be a beta tester. While I was doing that, I reckoned that if they did King’s Quest II I could do something with that. I started putting ideas forward to them and it snowballed from there.

What do you think is the most challenging aspect of creating a game like Mage’s Initiation in the classic point and click style?

I was having a conversation with Chris [Warren] about this. We support the theory that good game design is 80% familiarity and 20% innovation. So it’s about balancing that, doing things people expect to see but also putting your own mark on it. That’s a good challenge. Constantly trying to find that balance is really important.

That was actually another question I wanted to ask you. Is there a tension between pushing the boundaries and staying true to the genre? Or have you found that there’s a middle ground?

I definitely think there’s a middle ground, and like I said it’s about finding a sweet spot between the two. You have to also weigh in the fact that people’s expectations change over time. You’re talking about the fans back then, who were playing these games as kids. Now they’re adults and maybe they expect a little more maturity in their stories, not that the old games weren’t mature in their own right – but perspectives have changed.

Still, you try to keep the spirit of those games alive while trying to do something new. I don’t think there’s a science to it (laughs), you just have to work it out as you go.

On a more general note, what was the goal with the transition from AGDI to Himalaya? Was it just meant to be a studio where you could produce original properties?

Yeah, basically. We wanted to create a commercial arm of AGDI where we could be recognized separately from the remakes we were doing. That seemed the most logical thing to do, to rebrand ourselves so we could focus on the commercial stuff. That’s really what we’re focused on now, too. I wouldn’t expect to see any more AGDI stuff in the future.

What’s different between the work you did on Himalaya’s previous title, Al Emmo and the Lost Dutchman’ Mine, and what you’re doing now with Mage’s Initiation?

With Al Emmo, I didn’t create the story, but I wrote all of the text and dialogue. Mage’s Initiation is my baby. I’m a bit more protective about it as it all came out of my head.

Were there any big lessons you leaned during the process of developing both games?

Oh, a lot. Al Emmo was a very different game in that it was entirely comedy driven, which was an interesting experience. I prefer the way I’m doing things now, just using humor for comic relief and lightening tension and that sort of thing. The big lessons, I guess, come from pacing. With Al Emmo you can actually see us learning lessons as we were going with that. By the final act, it’s a really tight and well paced story. We came into Mage’s Initiation with the headset that things need to trundle along at a good rate.

Mage’s Initiation is Himalaya’s first Kickstarter project, what was the expectation when you set it up? Anxiety? Excitement? Both?

Oh definitely both. We came into Kickstarter with a lot of planning and preparation, looking at what other projects had done, what worked and didn’t work, and trying to capitalize on others’ experiences. So there was a huge level of excitement, but also stress and anticipation. Trying to get the timing right was a big deal for us. We have our fingers crossed, really.

Is there any particular aspect of Mage’s Initiation that you’re most proud of?

There are a number of things I’m really proud of. The way we’ve integrated the RPG components into the gameplay for one, and the fact that you don’t have to grind stats to get through the game. I think we’re doing something unique by having the four classes you can choose from still be mages. That’s sort of a self-serving thing. Every game I like to play a mage character, so I thought it couldn’t be more perfect if you could choose between a mage, a mage, a mage, and a mage. We’ve also used the elements, which isn’t a new concept, in a unique way as well.

I like the fact that the story, even though it works as a stand alone, is the first in a number of installments. There are a few planned sequels. It inspired me to keep writing more and more. I’m also really proud of how everything is coming together with the art and animation. It’s a real privilege to work with so many talented people.

Would you say that most of the gaming you do is in the classic point and click style? Or are there other types of games that you’re interested in and enjoy playing?

When I was growing up it was a lot of adventure games. I think that’s probably true of most of the fanbase. These days I enjoy RPGs including the odd massively multiplayer type, not so much now though. I’m really just interested in games that have good stories and are engaging and stuff like that. I’ve never really been interested in first person shooters or anything like that, but there are a few games outside of the adventure genre I’ve played just because they have really good stories. I think I went through the original Starcraft just because I was caught up in the narrative, not that I’m particularly good at RTS games.

I do try to keep up to date with all the latest adventure games that have come out, just to try to see what’s happening with the evolution of the design of the games. It’s interesting to see that, in a lot of ways, the old way of doing things is among the best ways of doing things.

Obviously you guys are pretty caught up in the Mage’s Initiation Kickstarter, but is there anything else that’s big on the horizon for you or Himalaya?

We’re in a conversation with Jim Walls [of the Police Quest series] at the moment because he’s toying with the idea of returning to adventure games with his own police-themed story. I think he’s sort of nutting things out on his end, figuring out the best direction. He’s considering us as an option to pursue that with.

I’d also certainly love to do a Mage’s Initiation sequel if the first one is well received. I’m quite looking forward to that. Beyond that, we’ll have to wait and see what happens.

Thanks for taking the time to talk to us. Where can people find out more about your work and Himalaya?

Thanks a lot, if your readers want to know more they can check out the following:

Mage’s Initiation Kickstarter
Himalaya Studios
AGD Interactive

Steve and Marcus crash a G1 party to discuss the PS4 and Playstation’s history with Jon and Jeff.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Jon, Steve, Marcus

Table of Contents:

Part 1: Start – 22:40
- G1 Oscar picks results
- Intros + What Sony consoles have you owned?
- The PS4 annoucement bonanza

Part 2: 22:40 – 55:55
- Playstation 1, the games, the era
- Playstation 2 discussion- Which was the better console?

Part 3: 55:55 – End- Playstation 3 discussion
- Open Discussion
- Announcing THE GAME, TiSB’s one year anniversary bash
- The roughest ending we’ve ever had

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is from the intro to the PS4 announcement video.

Break two audio is The Prelude from the Final Fantasy OST by Nobuo Uematsu.

Also featuring a brief excerpt from No Rain by Blind Melon.

These things take a little time.

The G1 panel debates the literary significance of face removal in Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo’s Batman: Death of the Family. The gang also predicts winners some of the nerdier Oscar categories.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, JONROB

Table of Contents:

Part 1: Start – 19:20
- Intros + what Batman comics have you read?
- Favorite Jokers over the years.- Initial impressions to Death of the Family

Part 2: 19:20 – 49:00
- General Death of the Family discussion.- The contrived nature of comics.
- Thoughts on this version of the Joker.
- The consequences (or lack there of) of the story.
- How we would’ve ended it.

Part 3: 49:00 – End
- Final thoughts
- Oscar predictions: Best Animated Short, Visual Effects, Adapted Screenplay, Original Screenplay, Sound Editing, and Sound Mixing
- Open Discussion
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is The Joker’s theme from Batman: The Animated Series.

Break two audio is “Why so Serious?” from The Dark Knight OST by Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard.

Bonus Material:

Then again, there are reasons to be skeptical despite the announcement. The project has been in limbo for going on seven years, with big names (including Sam Raimi) sifting through it like dust in the winds of Durotar.

Warcraft is not alone in this respect. Back in 2005, Microsoft started shopping around the rights to a Halo adaptation with a little pushing from the president of Columbia pictures. The company’s initial demands highlighted the pre-existing divide between the two industries and their business practices. They wanted a whopping $10 million and 15% of gross, all for a project they would effectively contribute nothing to (no script, production, etc). Despite a script from the more than respectable Alex Garland, it took them several months to find a studio. Eventually, 20th Century Fox and Universal signed on, but only after negotiating a significantly more favorable deal. Since then we’ve heard names like Peter Jackson, Neill Bloomkamp, Denzel Washington, and Steven Spielberg either express interest or become directly involved with the project at high level positions.

Eight years later and we’ve still got nothing. The project has been declared dead and born anew several times over, much like the long and painful odyssey that lead to Superman Returns. At this rate, enough money to fund several full features will have been sunk into these projects before the cameras start rolling.

Maybe it’s the size of it that’s the issue, though. Reviews and a terrible sequel aside, it’s a fair statement that 1995′s Mortal Kombat was an effective proof of concept for adapting a video game. Don’t take yourself too seriously, but take yourself just seriously enough is an effective mantra. While it wasn’t an overwhelming critical success, it put enough effort into forging its character that fans widely appreciated it, and it did so without ages of preproduction. Halo and Warcraft may be so wrapped up in translating their AAA status into massive, polished blockbusters that they’re forgetting that fun should- no, must be the focus.

Of course, it’s tempting to let fun get out of hand, particularly when it’s coupled with financial success. Look at the disastrous direction of the Resident Evil adaptations. It’s clear that the filmmakers are having a lot of fun, and I can’t begrudge them that. I can begrudge them reinforcing every negative stereotype about video games by undercutting the storytelling in favor of visual effects. These movies make stupid amounts of money, and I say stupid specifically because I don’t understand how so many people could continue to be so stupid. Critics can be pretentious snobs, but when your franchise is averaging 26% on Rotten Tomatoes you’re doing it wrong, no matter how much money you bring in based on visceral visual spectacle.

Ultimately, the overly ambitious direction of Halo and Warcraft may not be a realistic future for the video game movie, but staying the course is not appealing. Instead of taking a giant leap, both industries need to focus on baby steps. Find directors who respect the games, but are willing to apply their own legitimate vision to the film. Don’t bring in massive names for the sake of bringing in massive names. It creates a web of obligation that bogs down production in favor of financial interest. If game publishers and big studios can’t untangle their own bureaucracy, nothing will ever get done.

For what it’s worth, I still hope Duncan Jones works out. His Warcraft movie would prove quite a sight. If I were a betting man, though, I’d bank on several more years of preproduction hell for that project, but the gamble’s a win-win.

Jeff, Jon, and Rob dissect Indie Game: The Movie with the ghost of Christin watches over them.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: JONROB

Table of Contents:

Part 1: Start – 19:55
- Intros
- What’s your favorite Indie thing?- Crowdfunding, Kickstarter, and modern Indie development

Part 2: 19:55 – 54:30
- Indie Game: the Movie discussion
- What was most interesting?
- Did it make us want to play the games?
- The process and people involved
- Criticisms

Part 3: 54:30 – End
- Final thoughts
- What would our own Indie Games be?
- Open Discussion
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is from the official trailer for Indie Game: the Movie.

Break two audio is Maenam by Sieber, Kammen, Fulton and Schatz from the Braid OST.

Last week, I profiled the Dead space series thus far. This week, I beat the final installment on its hardest difficulty setting. Here are my thoughts on the experience:

I was halfway through DS3 when I decided that what I was playing was no longer Dead Space. The environments looked like Dead Space. The skittering sounds induced nervousness like Dead Space. The gameplay even felt like Dead Space. So why did I feel so different? I looked at Isaac as he stepped out of the new suit kiosk, glimmering in his bright golden pre-order First Contact suit holding a DLC Evangelizer as Ellie came in over the comm system. That’s when it really hit me: Isaac you’ve changed, and for the worse.

Story (spoilers)

The ways in which Isaac Clarke has changed can be highlighted in a number of areas. These variations are not all flawed, but a few glaring issues prove jarring for longtime fans of the series. The worst involve his character developments. In the first Dead Space, he signed up for what was supposed to be a routine repair mission, a detachment crew sent from one spaceship to aid another. His goal was to visit his girlfriend, and he unwittingly stepped into the middle of the necromorph nightmare. Despite this, he maintains stoic, almost unflinching composure throughout the game.

Enter Isaac Clarke in Dead Space 2. No longer mute, he voices his opinions and worries with those who share his plight. Isaac discusses strategy with his allies and argues with visions of his dead girlfriend, images which the markers use in an attempt to destroy Isaac’s sanity (which he has somehow maintained). The player can relate his decisions, his feelings, how unsettled and tired he is with the mental and physical struggles that have come to define his life. Moreover, we’re impressed by how brave he is for succeeding where others would have failed.

Then there is Dead Space 3. Despite being incredibly well voice-acted, Isaac just isn’t the same: He no longer attacks his problems head on, instead hiding from them at the outset of the game. He has trouble focusing on the task of hand, instead more concerned that his ex is now seeing a space marine type. He no longer has to deal with forced mental invasions, instead blowing more trivial matters out of proportion. As a result, Isaac’s personal story has become uncompelling, and worse, he himself has become almost unlikable. Assuming the events in the game were possible, I find it incredibly hard to fathom that the mental fortitude and composure of two grown men in a space zombie apocalypse would be completely shattered by some high school level drama involving a girl.  This is especially true when you factor in that Isaac’s history and Norton’s backstory. These are not the type of people to crack under the most average of emotional pressures.

Factor in some other moments of massive failure and players lose all hope of ever being able to respect the characters. A perfect example is a portion of the game where you have to collect cross sections of a dead creature, Rosetta, in order to build something referred to as the codex (heads up, Rosetta is an alien). During the course of this assembly, the characters think that the cross sections are those of a human… even though the clearly alien head piece is already in the apparatus where Rosetta is being assembled. This is incredibly frustrating because yes, Isaac may be a spaceship engineer, but it does not take a doctor to realize that huge thing with 4 eye sockets couldn’t possibly belong to a human.

Is it so hard for the characters to expect they may be assembling an alien specimen in a world where their main problem is space zombies? It doesn’t help the the main unitologist baddie, Dannick, has you at gun point on at least three separate occasions and lets you escape all of them. Not even the villain is remotely intelligent.

The other components of DS3′s story don’t fare much better. It attempts to provide answers to the questions that the saga has created, the most important of which is the origin and purpose of the markers. Throughout the course of the game you find out details that indicate that the markers may be alien and that they are some sort of communication system. By exploring Tau Volantis, you find out more about their origin and various other alien technologies. Towards the end of the game, you find out that they’re a necromorph technology and that the rest of the things you’ve found belong to a race that was attempting to avoid being destroyed by the necromorph menace. Though they ultimately failed, they were able to severely hamper the progress of their foe by mostly (but not entirely) signal jamming the markers.

Isaac, overcoming his “I want out” mentality,” does his best to finish what his alien predecessors started and use their technology to destroy the necromorphs. Things go sideways at the last minute thanks to those pesky unitologists, and you instead unsignal jam the markers and encounter the first true necromorph and creator of the markers… which is, erm, a moon. A big angry moon with a ton of tentacles that definitely seems like it belongs in some Japanese porno. Isaac and Carver fight it with tiny guns and by throwing floating markers into its eyes. Somewhere within EA and Visceral, somebody messed up BIG time.

Not content with letting the storyline die a noble death and clearly lying about you finally being able to “Take Down the Terror,” Isaac is heard at the end of the credits calling out for his ex over his comm system, which is really stupid, because before fighting said angry zombie moon in a super silly manner, Isaac’s space helmet gets destroyed. Ignoring him somehow surviving said battle in space without a helmet, he also gets thrown farther into space from dying zombie moon after defeating it. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept of space, you can’t breathe there. In fact, the death you would suffer is super painful, but no one informed the developers of this.

The story is probably the last reason you want to buy this game. EA and Visceral denied Isaac an epic finale and a heroic death, something that I think most fans were expecting given the nature of the series. Instead, they’re keeping the series story they’ve all but killed barely alive in order to milk every last penny that they can out of it.

Combat

The combat succeeds at achieving its most important purpose, to be entertaining. Players shouldn’t fret: There are still few enemies more fun to dismantle than a necromorph. The nervousness when you face down a wave of stubborn enemies is still there, as is the satisfying feeling of overcoming your foes. This formula has always been one of the strengths of the series and it still, even barely modified from the first installment, feels fresh and incredibly unique.

Sadly, DS3 still suffers from some critical flaws, most notably the lack of new elements. It adds only two new enemy types, only compensating for this by slightly modifying the behavior of some of the reappearing enemies. I see this as inexcusable given DS2′s successful inclusion of a wide variety of new enemies. To make matters worse, many of the enemies that appeared in the previous installments are no longer in DS3. This makes absolutely no sense to me as many of these enemies were actually quite fun to battle, lacking any overt problems that merit removing them. The added variation these enemies would have provided is sorely needed in Dead Space 3′s environments.

The game starts off well, placing fans in environments similar to the Ishimura. It quickly attempts to freshen things up with things on the icy planet of Tau Volantis. Unfortunately, the game soon begins relying on backtracking, and the lacking enemy variation makes many of the encounters feel overly similar. This problem could have been alleviated by having some rooms spawn random unit compositions instead of identical patterns. If you can memorize room spawns, it severely limits replayability (especially for me, since my first play through was on impossible difficulty).

To make matters worse, the developers chose to reuse some of the worst enemies imaginable: Bosses! Why would anyone in their right mind recycle bosses? Maybe if they had been mini-bosses this would have been excusable, but these re-encounters with previous bosses are an attempt to be real bosses! The fight with the Nexus is a direct rehash of DS1′s final Hive Mind boss. The Snow Beast is an enemy you have to fight on 3 separate occasions and whose mechanics don’t change at all during each of the 3 encounters.  Worst of all, the angry space moon is stolen from an entirely DIFFERENT game: Mass Effect 2′s Reaper boss finale. At least EA and Visceral had the decency to give Mass Effect fans the ability to wear Commander Shepard inspired armor while doing battle with the Reaper, er, I mean angry space moon.

New Features

The highly hyped new weapons bench and co-op modes are a mixed bag, but I actually enjoyed these features. Weapons crafting allows a whole mess of fun things to be built: Shotguns with trip mines, electric anchored bolas that are like placeable electric lawnmower blades, rocket launchers with secondary assault rifle fire capabilities, snipers with a melee attachments, etc.  You can tell the design team really had fun throwing these ideas together. Combine that with the ability to slap two guns together and you have a addictive little mini game. Throw in additional electrical circuit modification slots that allow you to increase gun stats like damage, reload, clip size, etc. and you realize that this feature is one of the only things DS3 does right. While some of the options (such as the pre-order only Evangelizer shotgun) may be too overpowered, playing with these new toys is simply too much fun.

The resource system has also been revamped. Instead of getting specific types of ammo for your weapons and generic money, you get the opposite: you get generic universal usable ammo and specific resources by either finding them or delivery by scavenger bot. The universal ammo transforms the game from horror survival to action, as you don’t have to worry about what gun you want to take with you based on limited ammo supplies. Also, a smart player should never have basic supply (ammo and health) problems as you can now build ammo and health at the weapons bench via acquired resources. These different types of resources are also utilized to build parts for your gun which you may not have yet encountered. The same goes for suit upgrades. Suits, by the way, no longer have inherent stat bonuses, you wear the ones you think are aesthetically pleasing and that is it. When you break down a weapon, you get to keep all the parts it was composed of.  This means that experimenting with different weapon combinations is incredibly easy and encouraged.

Co-op is also entertaining: There’s nothing like blasting baddies alongside a friend. Despite this, DS3 should have thought through a couple things a little harder. For instance, the game never becomes difficult enough for two experienced, upgraded players to feel challenged. I beat the game on Impossible solo, so adding a partner and not giving the game a way to ramp up difficulty based on whether there are one or two players means that everything is just too simple. The game supposedly throws more bad guys at you, but I noticed absolutely no difference.

A second issue is that in order to experience Carver’s plotline, you need to play through as Carver to see his visions in the side quests. This is really, really frustrating if you’re a story buff but have no friends who you can play the game with. I find myself in this predicament as we speak, and the mostly mute DS3 playing community is often unwilling to venture into the side quests which I so desperately want to experience when I join their game as a second player (the only way to play as Carver). If I make my own game, I have to play as Isaac, thus failing to get the full experience. I still haven’t had the opportunity to play all of Carver’s co-op missions despite having beat the game 3 days ago. It seems silly that you can’t just go play them through alone as Carver.

Finally, sometimes I just randomly disconnect from EA’s server. I have a solid connection that’s rarely been a problem with other games, but this is definitely an abnormally high frequency for me.

There’s also the infrequent glitch here and there. I’ve fallen through the bottom of an elevator, warped through a wall, etc. When I play co-op and change suits in the suit kiosk I can see nothing of my ally but floating lights like the spinal column health indicator, stasis level readout, and ammo counter.  This does not affect gameplay in any way, but betrays a slight lack of attention to detail.

Tone

Perhaps the greatest difference between DS3 and the previous installments is the feeling you get playing the game. It’s no longer scary. Sure, there is a surprise here and there, but many of the attempts used to catch the players off guard are recycled. Despite the shift, Dead Space 3′s new feel kind of works. This is Isaac’s 3rd encounter with the necromorph menace and he’s already survived twice, so it stands to reason that he as a character would be less scared. This constant battle of the undead is no longer new. Instead, the game attempts to keep the player constantly tense and alert. It tries to wear you down with constant stress. Though I preferred (and was expecting) the feel of the older installments, my complaints are more subjective than objective.

The series’ graphics and sound have always been top notch, and fortunately EA’s massive production capabilities continue to push the boundaries.  The visuals are hauntingly beautiful, allowing you to see every detail in the classic Dead Space look. The sound is particularly standout, adding a lot to the tension to the environments. The game combines necromorph air vent skitterings with a clash of sharp strings when they come out to attack. The battle music also cleverly does not play when there is no necromorph in your field of vision. This means that necromorphs can sneak up on you from behind and you won’t be alerted until after you’ve been hit, providing an additional sense of expertly induced paranoia.

DLC

I hate this. I hate this so much. EA is consistently one of the worst offenders when it comes to day of release DLC. I unwrapped my pre-order Dead Space 3 and logged on, only to find EA was already trying to squeeze every penny out of me by shamelessly flaunting three entirely separate DLC packs. I did not buy them, so I can not tell you what they contained or how they performed. I don’t think I should need to. This is a totally inexcusable maneuver that needs to stop being pulled on newly released games. I’m too angry to articulate much more on the subject.

Conclusion

Despite my numerous grievances with Dead Space 3, I still like it. I really do.  It’s incredibly fun to play, much like prior installments.  The problem I have is that it could have been so much more. If it had continued building upon the improvements that DS2 provided, it would have cemented the series as the unstoppable juggernaut it was meant to be. I was holding it to these standards, and sadly I was let down. I feel like a disappointed friend, telling Isaac “You could have been so much more!”  The burning questions I had about where the markers came from were answered in ways so terrible that yanked me out of the game experience. A sequel should add more to the universe, and the further into the world the installments take you, the more you should feel a part of that world. Instead, Dead Space 3 destroyed my once great connection to a previously interesting universe.

Buy, rent, or avoid?

Definitely rent. If you’ve never played the series it’s worth a try, and even if you are a series fan you’re still probably interested enough in what DS3 has to offer to warrant at least a single playthrough. Though I pre-ordered this game, I will have to rent Dead Space 4 before my faith in the series is reinstated.

Community is back and it is October 19th in our hearts. While just about every episode of Community leaves us confused, this time we have more questions than ever:

How many cultural references will it take for Community to no longer be Community and fall into the pop-culture event horizon?

If you fall past the event horizon can Inspector Spacetime help you?

Will Smash’s bad press and even worse ratings give Community a fighting chance of not getting mercilessly canceled after this season?

Will Smash become the next Glee in Community’s punching bag pantheon?

Was my inability to load this episode on Hulu a result of my crappy wifi or some deeper conspiracy by NBC?

Was it actually a conspiracy by Dan Harmon to get me to watch Community in real time so that it starts generating revenue and doesn’t get gutted with a machete?

Did anyone else want to murder themselves if they had to listen to that laugh track for one more second?

Is this the same Community we know and love? Because it’s a bit hard to tell. The references and character beats were turned up to eleven but that could just because we’ve gone without for so long. The show is still being economical with its time, ignoring all the boring questions like:

Troy and Britta, will they won’t they? (They did.)

Was Shirley’s sandwiches a fever dream? (It wasn’t.)

Will Jeff ever change? (Nope.)

Jeff still loves the group but he loves freedom from Greendale even more, and to secure spots for his friends in the coveted History of Ice Cream class he has to compete in the Hunger Deans (a Hunger Games reference that wouldn’t have felt any less stale in October, but then again it’s Dean Pelton, so it might be lame on purpose). Meanwhile, Abed tries to cope with being a senior by going to his happy place (which Britta suggested, Britta-ing it). His happy place is a parallel universe Big-Bang theory-like Community show with Fred Willard, a laugh track, and really bad jokes. Of course, his parallel universe has a parallel universe because Abed will always be Abed and Inception had to creep in there somewhere.

It’s still hard to tell where they’re going with this season, though it’s clear everyone expects it to be the last. Which leads to the most important question: if Community gets six seasons and a movie, what the hell would the movie be about?

Steve, Marcus, and Jeff shout their way through the Elder Scrolls universe, including the upcoming MMO.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Steve, Marcus

Table of Contents:

Part 1: Start – 22:40:- Intros + What have you played?
- The WoW Days
- Elder Scrolls Online

Part 2: 22:40 – 49:10:
- Daggerfall
- Morrowind
- Oblivion

Part 3: 49:10 – End:- Skyrim
- Open Discussion and drunkedness
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

Break One audio is from the Elder Scrolls Online Alliances trailer.

Break Two audio is the main theme from Skyrim.

Also featuring a clip from channel Nerdist’s COPS: Skyrim – Episode 1.

My interest with Dead Space first peaked after reading about two key details: Necromorphs (read: space zombies) are the enemy and headshots are not the way to go about killing them.

Fast forward a month and I was stepping into Isaac Clarke’s boots for the first time, crash landing into the USG Ishimura, the ship he was ironically supposed to fix. After spending 10 minutes running away weaponless from necromorphs and screaming like a little girl, I finally got Isaac his first weapon. I then opened a door and stood face to face with another necromorph, immediately decapitating it without thinking. It stumbled backwards onto the floor in what I assumed were death throe animations, so I move Isaac to the next room. Then all of the sudden, BAM Isaac was in a death grapple sequence, and I was mashing the A button as fast as I could to escape my now headless assailant. Isaac freed himself, strafed backwards and deftly took off both the necromorph’s legs. When it stopped moving, he stomped on it for good measure. I ran Isaac to the next room where a plot sequence began. He was temporarily safe. My hands were shaking and I am only 15 minutes into the game.

In anticipation of third installment, here are my thoughts on the series’ strengths and weaknesses thus far, as well as my hopes and fears concerning Dead Space 3.

Strengths

As a standalone single player adventure, the first installment in the series had a lot riding on its plot. Fortunately, the story turned out to be one of its most successful features for a variety of reasons. The first was that the player could relate to Isaac because he was an appealing character. Though he’s initially a Gordon Freeman-esque mute, his objectives are clearly laid out: the shuttle he came in on was wrecked during landing, he’s looking for (and hoping to save) his girlfriend, Nicole, and (as you find out later in the game) all the emergency escape pods were launched so he needs to find some alternative means of leaving the Ishimura (Also the whole trying not to die on a derelict spaceship in the middle of nowhere space thing). As Isaac learns more about the circumstances behind the crew’s infection and its cause, he continues to make decisions that actually make sense and don’t leave you screaming in frustration. Many horror-movie protagonists are fools, Isaac is not.

Dead Space 2 also gives Isaac compelling reasons to fight. He wakes up stuck on a planetary space station called “the Sprawl” mid-infestation, so his reasons for running around instead of escaping are similar. Additionally, he now knows the source of the necromorph plague, which is also slowly making him insane by feeding him terrifying visions and inducing a sort of paranoid dementia. The only way he can escape this nightmarish world and the added mental torture is to destroy the source of the problem.

This mental torture will continue feed directly into the gameplay of DS3, but in an even more pronounced manner with the addition of co-op character John Carver. Carver is a new character to the universe who was briefly introduced in a web comic episode. I’m particularly excited about this addition because the co-op players will have to watch out for one another’s increasingly psychotic tendencies. For example, player two as Carver might see and attempt to interact with things, but player one as Isaac will see player 2 holding empty air and talking to imaginary objects. This innovative blend of story telling and gameplay is something that I expect to be successful considering Dead Space 1 and 2’s execution of new gameplay elements.

As mentioned before, the series’ main gameplay hook is the concept of “strategic dismemberment.” This creates a lot of interesting situations because there is no one good way to go about dispatching an enemy. For example, if I’m fighting one or two enemies, I always go for the legs because without them the necromorphs move slower and I can conserve ammo by taking my time finishing them off. However, attempting the same strategy with larger groups is far less successful because the bodies of the dispatched enemies grow into a pile so large that aiming for specific limbs becomes impossible. Instead, I started shooting for the enemies with bladed arms first, especially in DS2 where I could use telekinesis to launch said blades into either the dismembered individual or his compatriots. This often proved more effective at saving ammo and doing damage.

Even with these basic tactics in mind, Dead Space’s variety of enemies always kept each battle unique. In addition to the occasional event, such as being dragged through the Ishimura by a giant tentacle, or being suspended upside down by one foot while defending against a few necromorph waves, EA/Visceral Games ensured that you never became bored. They also managed to keep boss battles difficult while preventing frustration by marking these stronger enemies with glowing yellow weak spots.

By keeping their eyes on these smaller details, the developers will hopefully finish Dead Space with the same polish they applied to the first two games.

Weaknesses

By now it’s evident that I like the series, but I’m not without reservations. One of my biggest grievances was with the weapons and upgrade system. The weapons system works by collecting both weapons and nodes, either through game exploration or purchasing them at supply points. Any weapon found could be upgraded utilizing the nodes, which would result in bonuses such as increased damage, reload speed, clip size, etc. This in itself was fine (and fairly standard).

The problem was that the most iconic gun of the series, the plasma cutter, was the only gun I wanted to upgrade. This was especially true when I was playing the game on higher difficulty settings. Why? The game revolves around dismemberment, and the gun’s alt-fire capabilities allowed you to change its small 3 dot-line shot to either a horizontal or vertical position of fire. This meant you could always orient it to become the most suitable weapon to saw off an opponent’s limb. On top of that, it was the easiest gun to find ammo for and packed one of the heaviest punches (even before its upgrades). Additionally, even if I found ammo for other guns, this other ammo was always more expensive. You could sell off all the ammo you accumulated for other guns and buy even more plasma cutter ammo, ensuring you would never run out of ammo for your most powerful weapon.

For these reasons, the only time I found myself using another weapon on higher difficulties would be to dispatch some smaller swarming enemies between supply points in order to make sure I kept my plasma cutter ammo levels high to defeat the more powerful ones. Hopefully this problem will be addressed by the new “build-a-weapon” system and not only allow the players to find more effective weapon combinations, but also diversify into several viable personal play styles.

My second grievance was the melee system. DS2 significantly improved upon its predecessor by making sure the ground stomping was easy. This allowed the player to conserve more ammo without having to worry they were going to get mauled as a result of a missed attack. However, trying to punch an upright opponent was still less preferable than basic kiting. Since most of the enemies are melee, it makes sense that this aspect of the game should be difficult, but it was entirely too easy to completely miss the opponent you were trying to hit. Instead it was way more effective to use stasis (a mechanism which allowed you to time freeze opponents) and then back away and take opponents part at your leisure.

I worry that DS3 may have been over-corrected the melee problem with the addition of weapon melee attachments and the ability to combat roll. These capabilities will allow better hand to hand combat efficiency and give the player the ability to more easily put space between themselves and oncoming enemies. These in combination with stasis may make the game a little too easy. We will have to see.

Another annoyance is the competitive multiplayer. DS2’s introduction of this feature was fun, but it was incredibly frustrating without a dedicated team. There was only one game mode and it felt very Left 4 Dead: A team of survivors had to go around and complete various tasks, opening doors or carrying objects in order to access something they either had to destroy or protect from the necromorph team. The one notable difference was that survivors could respawn. This might vary from others’ experience, but it was very rare for me to encounter a team that was good at working together on Xbox Live. The main problem was that the Dead Space campaign was not one that called for teamwork, as Left 4 Dead did. As a result, players weren’t trained to think cooperatively.

Because of this poor original execution, I was looking forward to a possible re-imagining of the multiplayer in Dead Space 3. Instead, EA just went ahead and scrapped the whole thing, which I don’t think was the appropriate response. The game could have easily benefited from some sort of survival or firefight-type game mode instead of the vanilla multiplayer. Co-op is certainly a nice addition and makes a lot of sense considering the storyline framework that Dead Space so heavily depends upon, but I feel as if it was almost an attempt to distract the player base from realizing the potential of the now lost competitive multiplayer.

Finally, in a most frustrating turn of events, DS3 has continued the dreaded pre-order bonus trend. When the pre-order bonuses were first introduced a few years ago, they seemed fairly innocent. Just a little trinket or something that had no real impact on how the game was played; a nice “Thank you” to loyal series fans. Then they started becoming important, useful items that gave an edge to those who chose to pre-order. Those who paid more money for limited editions got a bigger in game boost. With DS3, depending on which website you pre-order from (GameStop or Amazon) you get a different bonus weapon, in addition to extra suits and guns for Isaac and John if you buy the limited edition. This means that even if you DO pre-order the limited edition of the game, you don’t get all the special weapons you might want. We are no longer being rewarded for being fans of the series, but punished for not wanting to spend more money.

Despite these factors, I still expect Dead Space 3 to be one of the better games of the year. Though some of the changes to a great formula have me worried (and EA’s money making ploys irk me to no end), the series’ constant implementation of new ideas has given it a very unique feel. Combine that with a storyline and gameplay and I feel I will be more than happy with the series outcome. Expect a full review after I complete the game.

PREVIOUSLY… ON COMIC BOOKS: Hot off the heels of DC’s New 52, Marvel spun its 2012 annual event, AVX, into a half-expected, universe-wide reboot called Marvel NOW! The most notable shake ups were evident in their flagship titles and new blood was injected into creative teams. Some of the X-Men joined the Avengers. Doctor Octopus became Spider-Man (wait– what?). And once again, a new team of Thunderbolts hit the scene.

Nope, not those ”Thunderbolts.” In the interest of somehow further cluttering 60 years of tangled continuity, Marvel debuted a new team of well-known characters under the same moniker as an unrelated 15-year series just as a nod to a nickname of an alter ego character who first appeared in 1962. Get it yet? No? Too late. Boom: Introducing Marvel NOW’s Thunderbolts, written by Daniel Way and drawn by Steve Dillon.

The premise isn’t without charm: Red Hulk (Hulk nemesis General “Thunderbolt” Ross), leaves the Avengers to assemble his very own black-ops team of Marvel “lone wolves”: Deadpool, Elektra, the new Venom (Flash Thompson), Punisher, and obscure Hulk baddie, Mercy. Could be cool, right? …Right? (bro-five?)

No. No bro-five. Three issues in and Thunderbolts is already Marvel NOW’s most unpopular title. Words like “disappointing,” “lifeless,” and “yawn” have been used to describe the series. IGN even likened it to fan fiction, which would be a rather uncalled-for barb if anyone who’s actually read it couldn’t help but sheepishly agree. Steve! Daniel! Marvel threw you the keys to some of its most popular cult characters. How’d we get here?

First Issue-itis

Let’s assume these two share at least one panel together before this happens.

Remember a decade or so ago when popular comics adopted a multi-issue story format and writers didn’t have to scramble to spin a whole yarn in a single issue? It’s called “comic depcompression,” and the freedom it’s allowed has enabled writers and artists to be more nuanced, subtle, and cinematic. It has matured comics; and also suckered us chumps into buying more issues to see storylines through. Hooray.

Thunderbolts isn’t guilty of cramming entire storylines into a single issue, but it did, unfortunately, try to sell its entire concept in its debut outing. This is a pretty common practice – the last #1 I read like this was Image’s Haunt, which worked – but Marvel made an error in its first issue by presenting a bunch of established, misanthropic, go-it-alone characters with the opportunity to team up, and with little to no resistance… they just do.

What Way and Marvel should have realized is that the union of these characters isn’t the beginning of its maiden story – it should have been the end. Because reviewers and fans are right: why would Punisher, Deadpool, and Elektra fly in the face of decades of character development and suddenly become all kumbaya? Isn’t the selling of this team more satisfying if these characters have to actually *discover* that they work well together? Hell, let’s get real – just a single scene of these people all in the same room would get some gears moving in the right direction.

It isn’t too late for Way’s brisk treatment to bear fruit – one can hope that all of the assumptions and off-screen developments are ample opportunity to pull the wool over our eyes. But with a title already spotlighting a bunch of fan favorites, the debut issue feels like missed opportunity to unveil the series as simply the promise that these characters will join forces… instead of the unmotivated group high five it feels like.

Artist/Concept mismatch

-Bedroom eyes-

There have been black-op teams of Thunderbolts before. When things got super gnarly just before and after the 2008 Secret Invasion event, a crop of artists rendered the series with grim ferocity. Deodato. de la Torre. Sepulveda. These are guys whose phone numbers you want if you’re creating a “superhero” team that’s actually a gaggle of psychotic criminals.

Steve Dillon is a talented artist and a Punisher and Deadpool vet who’s been working in-and-out of Marvel for quite some time. He’s particularly skilled at selling facial expressions, even with masked characters, which is nothing to sneeze at. But for all the well-placed eyebrows, Dillon’s big, clean, almost Pixar-esque style doesn’t quite fit the bill for Way’s scripts. The layouts are devoid of kinetics, and there’s little shadow, dread, or menace to be had for such a bloodthirsty cast of characters. For all the mayhem Way pens, every on-page kill looks less like grissly violence and more like something you want to dip your fries into.

But the word on the street is that Dillon’s moving on and Marvel’s already announced that Phil Noto will be taking over art duties starting issue #7. Hopefully Noto’s pencil will start to edge Thunderbolts towards tonal harmony, but at the very least, Phil – if you’re listening – can you please settle something that’s bothering everyone? General Ross, he has a mustache, correct? But when he turns into the Red Hulk, the Red Hulk, he– he’s got no mustache, Phil. Please, we’re begging you, WTF IS GOING ON?

Where is the rest of Marvel?

WHEEEEERRRRREEE!!!???

Say what you will about Marvel, but for half a century they’ve staged a world of ridiculously dressed characters and ludicrous concepts and somehow woven it all into a single, fantastic tapestry. The “Marvel Universe” feels infinitely pregnant with believable possibilites. Could the Howlin’ Comandos have liberated a young Magneto’s concentration camp? Could S.H.I.E.L.D. forcibly reassemble a wetworks Weapon X squad? Could there be a federal petition that, until a time of crisis, Cap should be once again be put on ice? The world these books paint is endlessly fun… and completely absent from the new Thunderbolts series.

Thunderbolts #3 scores a point or two for featuring Hulk villains Leader and Madman, but it still amounts to a lot of edge-nibbling. Why assemble a team of high profile characters just to partition them into some Rambo-style jungle mission they had to dig to find out about anyway? Where’s the splash? A series debut is not the time to halfheartedly split jingoistic hairs. It’s tedious, empty, and starving for emotional and narrative context. Is Bullseye, Eddie Brock, or Galactus or someone going to be vacationing at this tropical country anytime soon? Because if not, this T-Bolt team needs to seriously pack their bags for NYC.

It is possible that this segregation is Marvel’s call (see: Jeff Parker’s Dark Avengers, another low priority Marvel team that has been inexplicably time traveling and surfing alternate dimensions for nearly two goddamn years), but this quarantine from the rest of the Marvel Universe is a tourniquet on vital, fantasy world lifeblood. The latest Marvel press release notes that upcoming Thunderbolts shenanigans may grab the attention of the Avengers come Spring…

And for the first time, I’m glad to hear that such a bunch of squares might crash the party.

Marvel’s Thunderbolts #4, written by Daniel Way and drawn by Steve Dillon, is on sale this week.
Our giant, red fingers are crossed.

The podcast casts spells using broken latin while delving into J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, Michelle, Ben

Table of Contents:

Part 1 – Start – 24:00:- Intros
- Harry Potter the phenomenon, reception
- Is the world fully flushed out?
- Fan fiction

Part 2 - 24:00 – 58:15:- Favorite books
- Character development
- Flaws, endings
- Movie discussion/debate

Part 3 – 58:15 – End:
- Final Thoughts
- Open Discussion
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is Hedwig’s Theme by John Williams

Break two audio is Alohamora by Pogomix.

I keep hearing Abraham Simpson saying, “I used to be with it, now what’s it seems weird and scary to me, and it’ll happen to you, too.”

Map size: Tiny (4)
Map type: Pangea
Civilization played: China
Rival Civs: Persia, Siam, Germany

I started in the heavily wooded north of Pangea, with so many sources of deer and truffles that I knew I would be foolish not to rush towards the Goddess of the Hunt pantheon (+1 extra food from camps). With this I was able to build up Beijing really tall, and coupled with Republic under the liberty tree, I was able to double expand along the barren north coast to grab the natural wonder, Rock of Gibraltar, and to the center of the continent to set up Shanghai as a forward position against the southern Persian empire.

The Persians didn’t a wait a second to pounce. Before even my second turn with Shanghai, I was already under super heavy attack. Luckily for me, I had sold my spare truffles to the Persians a turn earlier, leaving his war chest a tad lighter and giving me the funds to throw up walls around my besieged city. Shanghai came close to falling, but once I was able to eliminate all the melee troops from the city’s edge and upgrade my archers to composite bowmen to finally drive them out. This would happen about two or three more times until I got my Great General, Ivan the Terrible, and the unstoppable death bolters, the Chu-Ko-Nu. My happiness was in the as bad as -14 or so with Shanghai nearly taken while I had to take time to upgrade my bowmen, but thankfully I had JUST finished out the liberty tree and got a Great Prophet. I grabbed whatever happiness inducing beliefs were left and was just barely able to get back to -9 before starting my great campaign. Two swordsmen and five Chu-Ko-Nu was all it took wipe the whole Persian army off the continent. I had been rushing to get them as soon as possible, investing into as many libraries as I safely, and sometimes, not-so-safely could. I ended up losing Guangzhou and the Rock of Gibraltar to some opportunistic Germans, but nothing could be done about it. Having Persepolis and the Statue of Zeus with it was the key to driving myself towards victory.

After puppeting the entire Persian empire, I found myself with an unexpected lead, with my score being somewhere around 700 and the other two at about 550 or so.

Knowing I had only so much time before my Chu-Ko-Nu would become vestigial, I hastened to the west, only to find that a massive Siamese army already on my doorstep. I quickly declared war and was able to mow down nearly 4 elephants in my first turn of firing. I was able to chase Siam all the way back to its borders. There I engaged in horrible trench warfare for over 1000 years. I would lay down citadel after citadel along a narrow strip of land, inching one hex at a time toward the choke-point city. The whole time I had to beat off waves and waves of high tech units that took nearly 8 or 9 hits to down. When I had longswords, he had rifles; When I had muskets, he had battleships. Each turn I was stuck, I knew I was falling behind. Luckily my army had been nearly untouched since I first pushed into Persia; leaving me free to create a one of the greatest cities I’ve ever made on any difficulty. While I was taking down Persia, Siam had done a great job marginalizing Germany, so I knew that once I had the Sukhotai, I would be sure to win.

As the endless fighting continued, three big things happened. First, I was able to sneak in a Great Prophet and change the choke-point city form Buddhist to Taoist. The extra happiness was nice, but getting rid of his 20% ‘Defender of the Faith’ bonus was major in the way of outgunning his artillery with mine. With Himeiji Castle, his Great General, and the bonus, his troops had a +50% bonus before any promotions. By removing that final 15%, I was able to level out the two remaining bonuses by simply having a Chinese general. Secondly, I was finally able inch my way into the final stretch and found Nanjing. I instantly built walls, a castle and arsenal and used it to push the hordes back so that my saviors could do their work. Thirdly, artillery happened. By the time I had Nanjing, it was bows against battleships and I knew I didn’t have long until I would be facing endless stacks of bombers without any anti-air, which would spell game over for me. I finished Oxford, Porcelain Towers and invested whatever I could to rush to artillery and it paid off.

It took human wave tactics (thanks Mao!), but I finally got everything in range and was able to take the capital. Of course he took it right back, but every-time it got easier and easier, and my coffers were deep enough that I could afford to throw endless riflemen in front of my big guns. The following screen shot is what it’s like to own two deity-powered capitals. With 436 GPT, it’s impossible to lose a war with the crazy good 30% bonus from Art of War. Overall, the game was very tense and maybe the most fun I’ve had gaming for the past year or so. The final turn, with the fall of Berlin, was at 5:30am.

I’m going on a little bit of a rant here true-believers, so if you haven’t read the last few issues of TASM and don’t want to know what happens, turn back right Marvel NOW!

As you may have heard, Marvel is in the process of giving their characters a fresh start in the the mega-event Marvel NOW! Coinciding with this event is the seven-hundredth issue of The Amazing Spider-man, the web-slinger’s first regular, monthly title which began in 1963. Marvel is now (see what I did there?) ending that streak on a nice round number. Less than two years after killing off ‘Ultimate’ Spider-man, they are stickin’ it to poor Peter Parker and laying him to rest once again.  I have always given my best effort to approach these big sensationalist events in the Marvel Universe with an open mind, and can appreciate the fact that these characters have been around for 50+ years and it’s tough to keep things fresh, but Marvel, dude, I think a web line has been crossed here.

Let’s go over the course of events that have lead to the big finale. I knew that this was going to be a controversial ending and I wanted a little bit of context, so I started with issue #698 and #699 before nabbing the whopping eight dollar #700. As of #698, Doc Ock is withering away and dying in prison. When Octavius is believed to be moments away from death, he calls for a meeting with Spider-man. Once Spider-man is at his bedside (it sounds weird already right?) it is revealed that it is Peter Parker who is actually in Otto Octavius’ sickly and dying body and that Otto is in Peter Parker’s body a la Freaky Friday.  After a series of chases and fights, we start to think that Peter might pull off the switch and get his body back, but time runs out and he dies in Ock’s body. Before he does though, he somehow gives Otto his memories and we see all of the iconic moments in Spider-man’s fifty year history pass through Otto’s mind. Naturally, that leads him to want to be a hero. Not only does he want to do good, he declares he wants to be a better, Superior Spider-man and one-up the poor, departed Peter Parker.

I half expected him to break into song singing “Anything you can do, I can do better….” Let’s break down why this plot-line is problematic into three main areas:

Otto’s turn from the dark side happens too abruptly

Throughout these three issues, Octavius is a complete dick. He’s still acts and speaks like a very traditional villain. This Freaky Friday switch is all part of his evil plan, which he succeeds at. The villain wins. I couldn’t understand the character change that was supposed to be happening with Otto. He sees all of Peter’s memories and feelings that shaped him into Spider-man which ends up being a really round-about way of saying “With Great Power comes Great Responsibility”. The reason I don’t buy this as a believable cause for Otto’s change is that he’s always had great power (what with his intelligence and robotic arms), but he still chose to be a stealing, murdering mad-man. So why the change of heart now? Doc Ock has always been out for himself.

The equivalent would be if Osama Bin Laden assumed Obama’s identity and memories and said “You know what?  I see where this guy’s coming from, God Bless America!”

Now it’s not really the concept I have a problem with. I find the idea of a villain taking up the mantle of Spider-man after Peter Parker dies quite interesting. The idea that it’s a classic, iconic Spidey villain who has switched brains with the real Spider-man and is posing as Peter, that’s a bit more awkward from a story point of view. Which leads me to my next exciting point…

With Great Power Comes Great Relatability

For my money, this is the big one. This is what has made Spider-man one of Marvel’s most endearing heroes for the last five decades. The reason we all dig Peter Parker so much is that he’s one of us. The every man. He’s got problems just like the rest of us: Bills, money, school, work, family issues, girl trouble, social awkwardness and on top of all of that, he’s got the monumental task of being a super-hero trading blows with super villains. You take that away and you’ve taken the wind out of Spider-man’s sails (made of webbing, of course). The character loses the heart of his appeal, and it’s not quite as easy to root for the ‘ol webhead. With a former villain now parading around in the body of his mortal enemy, essentially lying to all of Peter’s friends and family, it’s more difficult to relate and care behind the dude under the mask. On top of being a villain from his inception up until about five minutes ago, Octavious is kind of a douche. He’s arrogant, cocky, condescending, and emotionally vacant. It’s obvious that this is all the grand tee-off for Otto’s journey to become a hero, but there needs to be some seed of appeal that makes us want to see Ock find his inner friendly neighborhood Spider-man.

A Fill-in-For-a-Dead-Super-hero Term only lasts a Year

Throughout comic history, every time a major lead character is ‘killed’ off, it has lasted about a year, give or take before said character triumphantly returns as expected via sometimes thinly stretched premise. It’s something that every comic reader now knows and expects. Honestly, I don’t have a problem with what the publishers are doing when they do a “Death of [MAJOR HERO!!] storyline. The idea of taking the main character out of the costume and letting someone else take up the mantle for a period of time can be very interesting and is completely valid. It takes the regular readers out of their comfort zone and keeps things fresh for a little while. What I take issue with is that this move always has to be framed as a ‘Death of…’ mega event. It takes the dramatic weight from the death and eventual ‘resurrection’ of the character because it’s expected. I think a more effective, natural direction would be to just have the character want or be forced to give up being that hero. At this point, it feels like every major character in comics has been killed in some capacity. In the legendary The Amazing Spider-man #50, “Spider-man No More” story, when Peter gives up being a hero (albeit for a little while), it was legendary and memorable because it was believable.

Who knows how this grand experiment will play out. The best way I can sum up my feelings is that I’m simply uncomfortable. It just doesn’t feel like Spider-man, but that seems to be the point. Dan Slott is taking us out of the comfort zone and telling a very different kind of Spider-man story, which has a lot of people up in arms and in the internet world. People have even gone so far as to send Dan Slott death threats via twitter (diabolical…). While I haven’t completely embraced this new Spider-man venture, I am going to be a trooper and stick with it to see how it all pans out. I’ve read a fair amount of older issues from Dan Slott’s run on Spider-man, the most notable being ‘New Ways to Die’ and ‘The Gauntlet’. He clearly understands the character and is a good writer so I can’t help but think there’s gotta to be something to look forward to. The Spider-man team has promised some interesting twists and turns for this book so they’ve got my four bucks each month (for now), so here’s hoping Doc Ock Spider-man takes me for a ride.

For some bonus material, check out this interview from CNN with writer Dan Slott and editor Stephen Wacker. They give some insight behind their decision making and also discuss some of the kickback and death threats via twitter.

Ben joins Jeff and JONROB for a sober discussion on Star Wars, including toys, the clone wars, Disney, and the extended universe!

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Ben, Jon, Rob

Also, here’s the white house response to the Death Star petition: Link

Table of Contents:

Part 1: Start – 22:05:- Intros + favorite Star Wars toy
- The Disney Buyout
- Where do we want to see it go?

Part 2: 22:05 – 48:30:
- The Clone Wars: concept, movies, series
- Jedi, old and new- George Lucas and revisionism

Part 3: 48:30 – End:
- When does it end? Or does it end at all?
- Favorite Star Wars thing.
- Open Discussion and wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is the Star Wars title theme by John Williams.

Break two audio is Carrie Fisher roasting George Lucas at the AFI life achievement award.

The network has aired over 150 B-movie titles over the past 10 years; and yet, not a one of them has been etched into history as a through and through quality experience. There have been some moments, sure, like a cannonball bouncing off a dinosaur in Aztec Rex or a hilariously bad looking mantis-like alien biting off a human head, but even Bruce Campbell couldn’t make “Alien Apocalypse” entertaining for longer than a few minutes.

Often enough, these attempts at creating material that’s “so bad it’s good” wade too close to “so bad it’s actually just bad” territory. I suspect the reason is that most of these filmmakers ignore the most frequently repeated mantra of art teachers everywhere: You have to know the rules before you can break them. It took Sam Raimi decades of serious attempts at horror schlock before he made Army of Darkness. Don Coscarelli’s career stretched back into the 70′s before he tackled Bubba Ho-Tep. If the goal is to create something ridiculous, fun, and over the top, you still have to put some genuine effort into your absurd concept. Otherwise you’re left with trailers that are better than movies and concepts that overstay their welcome. Then, before you know it, some jerk on the internet will just come up with a way to easily emulate your creative workflow.

So without further ado, here’s how you can come up with your very own original SyFy movie concept:

What you will need

• A six sided die
• A coin
• pen and paper (or a word processor)

Phase 1: Character building

1. Roll a six sided die and divide your result by 2 (round up) to determine whether you will have 1, 2, or 3 characters.
2. For each character, flip a coin to determine if they’re male or female.
3. Name your characters. Remember that stereotypical white person names are often the best, like Chad Ryder, Jason Blazer, or Channing Tatum.
4. Write down six professions and number them.
5. For each character, roll the six sided die to determine their profession. Optionally cross off each profession once it has been taken.
6. For each character, flip a coin to determine whether they are aging, or in the midst of their sexual prime!
7. Choose a main character.

Phase 2: Antagonist Building

1. Roll the six sided die to determine the category of your antagonist. The categories are: 1. Natural Disaster, 2. Predatory Animal, 3. Mythical Creature, 4. Extra-terrestrial, 5. Horror Monster , 6. Pre-Existing, somewhat lackluster Franchise.
2. Write down six options within the category you rolled and label them 1-6.
3. Roll a die to determine your antagonist.
4. Flip the coin. If it’s heads, repeat steps 1-3 and combine your two resulting antagonists into a hybrid.

Phase 3: Plot Construction

Now that you have your characters and your monster, all that’s left is to generate the plot. To do so, plug your creations into the following scheme, rolling the dice or flipping the coin when appropriate. When you insert your characters for the first time, be sure to add their profession and whether they are aging or in the middle of their sexual prime after a comma.

(main character) discovers that (antagonist) has come from…

DICE ROLL (1. underground, 2. deep under the ocean, 3. outer space, 4. an inter-dimensional vortex, 5. an ancient pyramid in the middle of fucking nowhere, 6. an enchanted sock drawer)

to…

DICE ROLL (1. threaten the innocent citizens of his/her hometown, 2. try to take over the world! 3. devour some virgins, 4. oppress humanity with endless bureaucracy, 5. fuck some shit up, 6. manipulate world leaders in a massive embezzlement scam).

(If you have multiple characters) (main character) must team up with (other characters) to stop this menace. Through…

COIN FLIP (research/random chance),

he/she/they learn that antagonist can be defeated by…

COIN FLIP (a mystical artifact, science!).

(main character) sets in motion a plan to stop (antagonist), (if you have multiple characters) but not before (other characters) die a horrible, bloody death (flip a coin for each character, heads = dead, tails = survives, feel free to improvise details on the death based on your antagonist).

When it’s all over, (main character) and surviving characters…

DICE ROLL (1. ride(s) off into the sunset, never to be heard from again, 2. get(s) laid! 3. decide(s) to follow his/her/their dream(s) and enroll(s) in community college, 4. go(es) to get tacos, 5. become(s) the new (antagonist) 6. hit(s) the clubs).

Examples

Tad Reginold, a bail bondsman in the midst of his sexual prime, discovers that marauding space giants have come from an inter-dimension vortex to threaten the innocent citizens of his hometown. Through random chance, he learns that the marauding space giants can be defeated by science! Tad sets in motion a plan to stop the marauding space giants. When it’s all over, he rides off into the sunset, never to be heard from again.

China Tuttle, an aging whale trainer, discovers that a Gryphon-Cobra has come from deep under the ocean to fuck some shit up. China must team up with Larry Magnus, a detective in the midst of his sexual prime, to stop this menace. Through research, they learn that the Gryphon-Cobra can be defeated by a mystical artifact. China sets a plan in motion to stop the Gryphon-Cobra, but not before Larry is swallowed whole and slowly digested to death by the beast. When it’s all over, China decides to follow her dreams and enrolls in community college.

Dante Hetzburger, a shrimp farmer in the midst of his sexual prime, discovers that a Fire-Chucky has come from underground to oppress humanity with endless bureaucracy. Dante must team up with Hannah Brenner, an aging librarian, and Delilah Green, a gas station attendant in the midst of her sexual prime, to stop this menace. Through research, they discover that Fire-Chucky and be defeated by science! Dante sets a plan in motion to stop Fire-Chucky, but not before Fire-Chucky mercilessly incinerates Delilah at a local gas station. When it’s all over, Dante and Hannah get laid!

*******

While this is a lot of fun, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that Syfy is missing an opportunity. Imagine if instead of teaming up with various independent production companies to create yet another 150 mediocre B-movies over the next 10 years, they took a chance. Imagine a world where an original Syfy picture was interesting, even thought-provoking: an outlet for young talent to show off their creativity. The network has certainly tried to be more ambitious with some of its original miniseries, why not take that spirit into its original film brand? Try to make something that transcends the niche and gets audiences buzzing again. They could create an opportunity for the next Rod Serling or Stanley Kubrick. You never know.

Or maybe they’ll just keep showing Ghost Storm every third Saturday.

In Soviet Russia, puzzle solves you!

The G1 panel ushers in the new year by discussing the many things we’re excited about in movies, TV, books, and gaming.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, Rob, Jon

Table of Contents:

Part 1: Start – 23:30:
- Intros + New Years!
- Man of Steel
- 300: Rise of an Empire

Part 2: 23:30 – 48:05:
- Batman Comics, new Riddler origin/arc
- Heart of the Swarm
- Iron Man 3
- Star Trek: Into Darkness

Part 3: 48:05 – End:- Game of Thrones season 3
- DOTA2 full release
- The naming game
- Open discussion and wrap

Audio Credits:

Break audio is from http://djearworm.com/

The game I wanted was Earthbound, and it was amazing. An American port of designer Shigesato Itoi’s Mother 2, it’s the second in a series of games involving young children trying to save the world from the intergalactic terror known as Giygas. As the only title in the franchise to make it out of Japan, Earthbound is considered by a strong cult following (myself included) to be a standalone classic for its unique art direction and writing, a staple of the SNES era, and one of the greatest RPGs of all time.

Sadly, the game’s long rumored N64 sequel was cancelled in favor of a Japan-exclusive GBA title. The result is that the western world has been without Earthbound for several generations of video game hardware. This is, frankly, a crime. Earthbound played a pivotal role in not only my development as a gamer, but my childhood as a whole. Given the ecosystem of modern gaming, now would be a perfect time for the game to resurface as something re-tailored for the modern age: A high profile video game reboot to reintroduce Ness (aka that guy in Smash Brothers with the red hat) to a new generation of young gamers. Here’s why.

It solves Nintendo’s console problem without breaking its brand.

Nintendo’s success in the mobile gaming world (remember what they phrase meant before Smartphones?) is unparallelled, but its console reputation has slowly been eroding among those who consider themselves more than casual gamers. The Wii’s innovative foray into motion-based controls held a lot of potential, but (with a few notable exceptions) developers and consumers alike treated the device as more of a novelty than a revolutionary platform. Now that the Wii U has been released, one need only look at its list of games to know that Nintendo has a drought of captivating titles for people interested in playing more than the occasional mini-game. A new Earthbound could help reopen the demographic Nintendo appears to have given up on by providing a deep gaming experience.

Earthbound is also consistent with Nintendo’s overall philosophy of family friendliness. It could be a game that fulfilled the desires of self-described hardcore gamers while staying true to the spirit of Shigeru Miyamoto.

An opportunity for Distinctiveness and Artistic Freedom.

Earthbound’s artistic direction is singular. You’re confronted with enemies like Spiteful Crows, Mostly Bad Flies, Worthless Protoplasms, Crooked Cops, Territorial Oaks, New Age Retro Hippies, and legions of Starmen who would fit in at any David Bowie concert. You save your game by calling your parents on the phone. You gain health by eating Hamburgers and other childhood favorites. Your main ability is named after, quite simply, your favorite thing.

The game’s setting is also broken down into nine towns, each with distinctive styles both audio and visual. Threed (you guessed it, town 3) is in the midst of a Zombie attack. It’s atmosphere is Romero-lite while being kid-friendly. I still remember the immense sense of accomplishment when, after stopping the source of the zombies, the murky, overcast town transformed into a sunny, pleasant community once more. Fourside (town 4) is a glowing metropolis that starkly contrasts with Ness’s hometown of Onett (town 1). Each setting often pokes fun at certain subsections of American culture, but in ways that feel somehow sincere and endearing. It’s almost like watching an episode of the Simpsons. You know, deep down, that the show is making fun of you, but it’s laughing with you and not at you.

It also hits you with moments that can only be explained by the whimsy of a child’s perspective. Take a look at the following sequence, where Ness’s friend Jeff is guided by a monkey to meet the mythical Tessie, a purple prehistoric swimming dinosaur, who ferries him across a lake:

Video courtesy of YouTube user TysonBlast88.

It’s bizarre, unusual, but also strangely engaging and beautiful.

Every seemingly straightforward theme is thrown at you like a curve ball. This even applies to evil. The ultimate villain, Giygas, is presented in a deeply unsettling matter. Supposedly, Itoi based the encounter on a traumatic experience from his own childhood. When he was a young boy, he inadvertently went into a movie theater showing a film in which a woman is murdered by a river after a sex-scene. Itoi based the abstract dialogue during the Giygas fight (e.g. “It hurts…”) on that film. He describes the sequence “as a combination of atrocity and eroticism.” I can think of nothing less disturbing for a child. It also features one of the most unique and off-kilter pieces of gaming music of all time:

Video courtesy of YouTube user Peanut3423.

So imagine what a talented group of artists might be able to do with modern hardware at their disposal and a license to be this creative? This game is about freedom of presentation, defying the obvious and giving people the ability to play through a child’s dreamworld. In other words, it’s art.

A new Earthbound could be the most unique looking game to hit American consoles since Katamari Damacy. There’s an opportunity for a developer to flex some serious creative muscle, and make a real stamp on the gaming world for decades to come.

Everyone can be a Hero.

Modern gaming is wrought with over-muscled protagonists coasted head to foot with ridiculous weaponry. While awesome in small doses, I’m getting a little tired of looking at dudes with biceps the size of my head perform ridiculous, impossible feats of strength and agility.

Earthbound’s opening act features an amazing intergalactic hero, a bee named “buzz buzz”, who is quite literally a dot on the screen. Despite his form, the game takes numerous clever steps to make him out as a noble, powerful character despite his only brief appearance. Furthermore, the protagonist, Ness, is an everyday eight year old who wields little more than a baseball bat and a red cap. His friends, while archetypal, are also remarkable in ways that are much more whimsical than physical. Jeff is a boy genius, Paula relies on kindness and faith, and Poo’s strength comes from meditation and discipline.

These design choices made the game feel relatable and engaging. For once I wasn’t playing as something I wasn’t, I was playing as something I was. By showing that heroes could come in any form, Earthbound could re-establish that kids can do the right thing no matter how weak or insignificant they perceive themselves to be. To borrow from Mr Tolkien, “Even the smallest person can change the course of history.” A new Earthbound could reinforce that lesson.

It’s a “Coming of Age” story.

I’m sure they’re out there, but I can’t remember the last time I saw a game that was really about growing up. There are plenty that dance around the “Hero’s Journey”, sure, but not many emphasize overcoming the hurdles of childhood like Earthbound did. The game teaches the value of friendship, the benefits of helping others for reasons outside of financial gain, and the difficulty of confronting a big, scary world that isn’t immune to evil. Of course, it’s not as self-serious as these statements may suggest, but goddammit it’s wholesome.

If you haven’t played the original, it’s easy enough to track down an emulator and a ROM online. Despite the fact that I’m rapidly approaching my late 20′s, I would buy any new Earthbound in an absolute heartbeat. If I have children myself, it would be the kind of game I’d want in their lives.

There aren’t any plans on the horizon for a new entry in the series, and Itoi himself said he’s done with the series in 2005. But a man can dream, can’t he? It’s not the game that gamers want, it’s the game that gamers need, or deserve or whatever.

So you’ve got them, that’s great. Then what? Fifty-six short stories and four novels is a daunting number, and it can be a little worrisome figuring out where to start. Chronologically? Alphabetically? Randomly, until you lose track of which one you’ve read and which one you haven’t already? Fear not, here’s a quick guide on where to start if you’re brand new to the stories:

If you…  are a stickler for continuity.

Start with… A Study in Scarlet

Because… It’s the first! John Watson meets Sherlock Holmes for the first time, moves in, and keeps detailed notes about him. (“Knowledge of sensational literature? Immense.”) It would be the perfect setup for a quirky sitcom except there’s a murder in the middle of it.

But be warned… It was not, however, the first popular story. It entered with a thud when it was first published. Once you get to the middle, no, that’s not a printing error, that’s just a complete narrative switch to the killer’s backstory. In Utah. With Mormons. The Sherlock stuff is great but Doyle was clearly still finding his feet.

If you… like gothic horror.

Start with… The Adventure of the Devil’s Foot

Because… There are moors, insanity, and the creepiest tableu ever: a dead woman and two men gibbering with insanity. Shorter than Hound of the Baskervilles and less mainstream, it’s perfect for the hipster Sherlockian. Also recommended for anyone who needs a refresher course on scientific experiment ethics as an example of how it doesn’t work. Contains the exchange: “I followed you.” “I saw nobody.” “That is what you may expect to see when I follow you.”

But be warned… Nothing. This one rules.

If you… like a good chase scene

Start with… The Sign of Four

Because… Greatest chase scene ever. On a boat. Before that there are muuuuurders and a puppy and weird stuff from India. Also features John Watson behaving like a love struck-idiot when he meets his wife-to-be and agonizes over hitting on her now that they know she’s going to be wealthy.

But be warned… This is another novel and has a lot of exposition. A whole lot.

If you… need your heart warmed.

Start with… The Adventure of the Yellow Face

Because… The real “because” is a spoiler but the conclusion is adorable and surprisingly progressive.

But be warned… If you’re also looking for a good mystery or deduction, you won’t find it. The charm is in the destination, not the journey in this one.

If you… are a big romantic.

Start with… The Adventure of the Crooked Man / The Adventure of the Abbey Grange

Because… “I didn’t grieve over her marriage. I was not such a selfish hound as that. I just rejoiced that good luck had come her way, and that she had not thrown herself away on a penniless sailor [me]. That’s how I loved Mary Fraser.” Swoon. Women in horrible marriages while the right men pine away adorably. Nicholas Sparks, eat your heart out.

But be warned… These loveable hunks tend to say things like “you are a white man so I can tell you my tale.”

If you… want to read about some badass ladies.

Start with… A Scandal in Bohemia / The Adventure of Charles Augustus Miverton / The Adventure of the Illustrious Client

Because… There are ladies and they are awesome. Irene Adler may have beaten Sherlock Holmes but the other women have higher scores to settle and more righteous anger to vent. Which they do. With acid. And not only that, they get away with it.

But be warned… Nothing. Besides the ladies, Miverton and Illustrious Client have some of the best bad guys outside of Moriarty and Scandal forces Sherlock to be a gentleman. Illustrious Client also has Watson at his most adorably bumbling.

If you… want to feel smart.

Start with… The Adventure of the Six Napoleons / The Adventure of the Red-Headed League

Because… Someone has been breaking in and smashing identical busts of Napoleon.  An underpaid clerk arranges for his boss to take a second job across town while he spends his days downstairs in a building behind a bank. Oh just GUESS what they’re up to. These are stories that you can figure out from the text pretty quickly using common sense and/or pattern recognition. Then you can brag to all your friends that you are just as smart as Sherlock.

But be warned… Obviously if you’re reading Doyle as a mystery writer, these stories will be a disappointment. But there are great character moments between Sherlock and Watson and fun stakeouts in the dark. Even if the mysteries are not always astonishing, the writing is so compelling and brisk that it doesn’t even matter.

So there you have it, an entry-level guide for the aspiring literary nerd. For full disclosure, this is basically a list of my favorite stories as well. What were your favorites?

 Screencaps courtesy of aithine.org.

Last summer, Avengers assembled, a Dark Knight rose, and the Prometheus crew ran in a straight line. Looking ahead to Summer 2013… what’s next?

It seems like only yesterday we on This is Serious Business were making ruthless, white-knuckled picks during our Summer Fantasy Box Office game last year. But as the embers of that epic contest fade (I’m coming for you, Jon!) and the gloom of the post-holiday Winter sets in, it’s only apt that we set our sights towards Summer 2013. Black capes will give way to red; our home planet will become stranger than distant ones; and giant monsters are gonna smash a whole bunch of stuff.

So whether you’re banking on ticket sales or looking forward to spending another glorious beach season sitting alone in the dark, it’s time to shut, buckle, and bone up: we present Gosu.com’s official lens on Summer 2013′s most titillating Winter trailers.

Iron Man 3 – May 3rd

The Rundown: Following the events of The Avengers, industrialist Tony Stark grapples with his role as superhero, boyfriend, and dartboard to his most powerful and resourceful enemy yet: The Mandarin.

Why We’re Pumped: Avengers made a buttload of money, but there’s no denying that the Iron Man series is Marvel/Disney’s soundest franchise (and face it: the missteps of the sequel were more than made for with electric whips, an awesomely douchey Sam Rockwell, and a cat-suited Scarlett Johansson). The departure of director Jon Favreau was worrying, but landing the great Ben Kingsly as Mandarin and Shane Black as writer/director is really something to get psyched about. After years of obscurity following 80s blockbusters, Black made waves again in 2005 with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Now, with a script (guided by the comic-literate Drew Pearce) RDJ claims is the best he’s read in five years, there’s little reason to steel expectations.

Why We’re Skittish: We’re not really, but any hopes for an Iron Man film unfettered by the kind of shoehorned world-building that muddled Iron Man 2 might be best tempered. Marvel’s “Phase-2″ slate is already chock-full of Ant-Men, space raccoons, and another Avengers outing. Cameos and winks are more than welcome, but here’s hoping Iron Man 3 plants a firm metal boot in its own world and is free of any dues ex Samuel L. Jacksons.

—————————

Star Trek: Into Darkness – May 17th

The Rundown: United after the timeline-altering events of JJ Abrams’ excellent 2009 reboot, the crew of the Enterprise confronts a new, mysterious, and most Cumberbatchy threat… a man who may or may not be KHAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN! -lens flare-

Why We’re Pumped: Cumberbatch! Everyone’s favorite wiry, cello-voiced Brit is finally landing major Hollywood roles and the BBC inspector playing a delicious villain feels as right as snuggling up with a whole roomful of tribbles. Whether he’s cast as Khan or not, there’s so much roiling, young talent in the Star Trek cast that an entire sequel of them repairing warp drives would probably be worth the price of admission. Fingers crossed that Into Darkness gives Zoe Saldana more to do, but the shining ensemble, reverent writing, and sleek direction of the first entry rendered us all Trekkies slobbering for kick-ass sequel. Mr. Abrams: Make it so.

Why We’re Skittish: Any red flag is a stretch, but if there’s one to be had, it’s probably that Abram’s last effort, Super 8 – an homage to Speilberg films ol’ Steven thought better of nearly two decades ago – didn’t really hit home with anyone. But considering the confident strides of JJ’s first Trek and the fact that he was able to excite longtime fans and n00bs alike, it’s hard to believe Into Darkness will be anything less than everyone’s A-game. For our money, Into Darkness one of the surest bets of this star date.

—————————

After Earth – June 7th

The Rundown: In a distant future, Will Smith and his son crash land on a mysterious planet and gotta get jiggy with a bunch of wild, ferocious creatures that have claws and teeth and stuff. Oh, and apparently this planet… IS EARF. Twist!

Why We’re Pumped: “Pumped” is a strong word here. Let’s say “cautiously optimistic.” There’s no ignoring the fact that After Earth is the new M. Night Shyamalan joint… and his track record confounds just about everyone. That said, edging away from horror to sci-fi/ adventure feels like a smart move – this trailer looks like a complete 180 from past Shyamalan films. Over a decade on, it’s still hard to completely dismiss the guy who crushed Six Sense and Unbreakable (and seriously -  got most of Signs and The Village right). There’s an outside chance he can conjure some of that magic back… and that the Smith clan wouldn’t be starring if the script was anything otherwise.

Why We’re Skittish: Shyamalan’s movies have fooled us before – and we’re not talkin’ third act twists. Here’s hoping the additional (and legit) writing credits attributed to After Earth will steer it towards M. Night’s earlier work.

—————————

Man of Steel – June 14th

The Rundown: Raised on Earth as the only Superman, Superman must decide whether or not to be Superman and defeat a threat only Superman can stop in this Superman movie starring Superman. #Superman

Why We’re Pumped: The fresh faces here are encouraging: Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer cracked the story, Zak Snyder is going to bat for the big visuals, and Michael Shannon, one our more fascinatingly twitchy thespians, is the villain, General Zod. And while it’s dangerous to assume it’s in the actual film, Kevin Costner’s dark answer to young Clark’s question to whether he should have hid his powers and let classmates die hints at a complexity we haven’t yet gotten in Superman films. KNEEL BEFORE MORAL QUANDARIES!

Why We’re Skittish: Man, what is the deal with Supes? He occupies this iconic space in our superhero zeitgeist… and yet after 70 years, it takes herculean efforts just to make seem halfway interesting. A lack of memorable rogues and an imaginative new angle have sidelined Superman from making many cinematic outings of late, but with Warner Bros ramping up their Justice League plans, we have our fingers crossed that Mr. Kent is primed to leap back in the movie game with a single bound.

—————————

Pacific Rim – July 12th

The Rundown: When an inter-dimensional portal releases Godzilla-sized monsters on an unsuspecting humanity, we respond with the most plausible solution: building giant, remote-controlled robots to punch those monsters right in the schnoz.

Why We’re Pumped: Guillermo del Toro helming any film is usually enough to get folks racing to the theater, but maybe more so this time because the concept feels like it straddles both new territory and his usual, creature-filled wheelhouse. Perhaps most intriguing is that Pacific Rim is screenwriter Travis Beacham‘s first major outing. His breakout script, Murder on Circus Row – a fairy tale noir – caught fire a few years back and became the definition of a crackerjack Hollywood writing sample. Rock’em Sock’em King Kong boxing is more throwback than inspired mash up, but with epic set pieces and fist-pumping lines like “WE’RE CANCELLING THE APOCALYPSE!” right in the trailer, we’re looking forward to seeing what this guy could deliver.

Why We’re Skittish (but not really): “Mastodon!” “Pterodactyl!” “Triceratops!” “Saber tooth tiger!” “Tyrannosaurus!”

So, what Summer film are you looking forward to? Which ones did we miss?

Like many, I’ve spent the past several weeks stuffing myself silly in the presence of numerous family members in genuinely warm, happy circumstances. Unfortunately, the holidays are over. All that’s left is several bitter, cold months of winter. Fret not, though, as the Steam holiday sale is still on for another 24 hours as of this writing. For those of you who are uninitiated, Steam is an online game vendor run by the illustrious Valve, a gaming company with a penchant for creating cult classics and AAA titles. Every holiday season they offer massive discounts on their massive (albeit recently trimmed down) library. I’ve tracked down a couple of great offers that will give you dozens of hours of entertainment and cost you little more than two burritos.  If you’re looking for some fun games to get you through the dark months ahead, look no further:

Civilization V: Game of the Year Edition

Sale Price: $12.99
Normal Price: $49.99
Steam URL: http://store.steampowered.com/app/901772/

If you like board games, particularly Settlers of Catan or RISK, then you owe it to yourself to pick of Civilization V. Though I also love its predecessors, Civ V does some much needed streamlining. Units can no longer stack, city management is simpler, and the map can be reduced from a high-fidelity graphical interface to a basic series of hexagons with resource indicators. This gameplay refinement makes each civilization’s built-in bonuses a lot more important. As a result, you’ll find yourself playing a completely different way every time you try out a new Civ. The game maintains the rule, map, and difficulty customization that allows players to tailor their experience to their specific interests. Like the combat? Make your map small, land-based, and increase the barbarian presence. Prefer commerce? Try a large naval map. Want to just build a bunch of libraries? Turn the difficulty down and sit back while you become the most learned people in the land. However you like to play, this massive discount is well worth it. Go grab while you can.

Fallout 3: Game of the Year Edition

Sale Price: $11.99
Normal Price: $19.99
Steam URL: http://store.steampowered.com/app/22370/

Fallout 3 was the long awaited addition to the Fallout series. I say “was” because the game is now over 3 years old. That said, it’s a phenomenal open world, post-apocalyptic experience that doesn’t seem dated by any stretch. Bethesda Softworks‘ first foray into the franchise, the “new” Fallout came with an entirely new engine, taking you out of the sky and into the body of your character. Using your handy dandy Pip-boy, you roam the world in search of your father, a scientist with information on how to secure access to drinking water vital to the survival of the human race. Of course, you could also forget all that and wander around the wasteland doing pretty much whatever tickles your fancy. That’s the great thing about most Bethesda games, they take player freedom very seriously. The VATS combat system also provides multiple methods of combat, simultaneously allowing the player to plan out specific %-based attacks (like an RPG) or fight in real time like an FPS/action game. The game’s setting is also a compressed version of Bethesda’s own backyard, Washington, DC and its surrounding suburbs. The areas are rendered in exquisite detail and you’re guaranteed to enjoy exploring just as much as advancing the plot, raiding, stealing, trading, and helping people. If you like the game, you can also pick up its semi-sequel, New Vegas.

King’s Bounty: Platinum Edition

Sale Price: $17.49
Normal Price: $34.99
Steam URL: http://store.steampowered.com/sub/6121/

So I cheated my numbers a bit on this one. Sue me. It’s two and a HALF burritos instead of just two. On the plus side, you get 2.5 games in one. King’s Bounty is from Russian indie publisher 1C Company and is a charming game in the spirit of Heroes of Might and Magic. It’s got some translation issues, but they’re kind of endearing given the tongue and cheek nature of the game. It’s not a serious fantasy strategy RPG, it’s more like a drunk old uncle telling you a story set in a far, far away land. What do you expect from a game with a hero named “Bill Gilbert”? The gameplay, however, is sufficiently deep for the genre. You build a party of mythical creatures, soldiers, and mages and use them to take on various enemies throughout the land. I picked up the first game on a whim a few years ago. I wasn’t quite sure I’d made the right decision at first, but after 40 hours of enjoyment I was sorry I’d ever doubted it. If you enjoy giant turtle gods, battle chess, or outsmarting computerized monsters, grab this one. It includes the first game, a sequel, and an expansion. Tons of hours of fun.

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Sale Price: $4.99
Normal Price: $19.99
Steam URL: http://store.steampowered.com/app/57300/

Warning, the following video contains massive amounts of hilarious profanity.

Remember the original Resident Evil? When there were like 5 zombies total in the entire game and they were scary as all hell and really hard to kill? Imagine playing that, but with no weapons. Yeah, that’s Amnesia. Rooted somewhere between HP Lovecraft and MYST, Amnesia challenges you to find your way through a 19th century fortress while uncovering the secrets of your lost memory. Oh, the walls also occasionally melt and large, disturbing beasts sometimes try to kill you. There’s also an invisible creature that hunts you in the sewers and some of the most unnerving sound design I’ve ever heard in a game. Don’t worry, though, you have a lantern. Battle to keep your wits about you as you solve puzzles, evade baddies, and run for your life. This game is best played late at night with the lights out and headphones on. Just try not to wake the neighbors when you start screaming like a small child.

So that’s it, you only have ONE MORE DAY to go get these games at these prices. Off with you!

And on that farm he had an unforgivably late battefury, EE-I-EE-I-O.

After seeing Django Unchained, Marcus, Rob, Jon, and Jeff team up for a bro-cast on all things Quentin Tarantino.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Jon, Marcus, Rob

Table of Contents:

Part 1: Start – 19:45:
- Intros + What Tarantino movies have/haven’t you seen?
- Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs
- Taratino’s signature

Part 2: 19:45 – 46:35:
- Django Unchained discussion
- Theater Experience and General Impressions
- Race/Slavery as a framing device
- Favorite moments
- Tone and violence

Part 3: 46:35 – END:
- Final thoughts and ratings
- Favorite Quentin Tarantino Cameo
- Open Discussion/Holiday Gifts
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is Twisted Nerve from the Kill Bill soundtrack.

Break two audio is a remix of James Brown’s Payback, featured in the trailer for Django Unchained.

The idea of “home” and whatever it may mean is important. It may be some biological, Darwinian imperative to do with tribes, nesting, and security, but I got a film degree so I have zero authority to speak to that. Instead, I couldn’t help but notice that Home, Going Home, Saving a Home, was an important theme in some pretty big movies this year.

Apparently James Bond and I have a lot in common since a fire led to the destruction of our childhood homes (Note: I did not start the fire, nor get into a subsequent gun fight). In Skyfall, he reacts to his family’s worldly possessions being sold off with a stoic blink. When the house get burned down only says “I always hated that place.” Sure it was cold and dreary (though I assume there were more amenities when people actually lived there), but it was where he grew up. The thing is, Bond has found a new home, a place where he is most comfortable and can truly be himself: MI6. As powerful as having a home can be, sometimes we get to choose it ourselves.

Which makes Bruce Wayne’s dedication to Gotham even stranger. If home is a place where we belong, well, Gotham ain’t it for Bruce. In the Nolan Batman trilogy he’s never truly accepted by anyone outside one or two downtrodden cops and the occasional child still capable of wonder. But Bruce cares, deeply, about his home city. Not only that, but it’s common knowledge. The crux of Bane’s psychological torture of Bruce is his love of home and distress at not being able to save it, even when no one there wants him to. It’s a strange omission from The Dark Knight Rises that no one rose up to say “where is the Batman?” A few covert chalk drawings as wartime code, sure, but no ordinary citizens banding together to decide that, you know what, there is a time and a place for a vigilante thug and that time is now, please. Bruce returns again and again to save an ungrateful population for the city his father built. Not just the buildings but the infrastructure, the subways the veins of the city as surrogate for the father no longer living, and the people are the blood.

The Dwarves in The Hobbit aren’t quite so selfless. They feel the injustice of their expulsion from their home acutely. It’s understandable, since it’s harder to vilify a confused population of Gothamites than a giant, fire-belching, freakin’ dragon. Thorin is the most upset. As prince and heir to the throne of Erebor, it’s hard to fault him for that. The rest of the Dwarves have moved on. Even the ones that join in the quest had to be gathered together and convinced. Though many have moved on with their lives, once asked to defend their homeland, they sign up immediately; even a few that are too young to really remember it. The desire for a place with a sense of security is so strong even Bilbo can understand it. It seems ironic that the dwarves’ quest for home is precisely what disrupts and expels Bilbo from his, but Bilbo is an unusual Hobbit. He grows to like adventure and, as we see in The Lord of the Rings, he chooses a new home for himself in Rivendell. In The Hobbit he’s on a quest to find the place where he truly belongs, he just doesn’t know it yet.

So when you’re stuck on a plane, train, or bus in the next few weeks, just pretend your seatmate who can’t chew with their mouths closed is really just Bombur and you’re on an adventure. When your family gets into the nog and starts ranting about politics, think of Anne Hathaway in Italy. And when you burn your house down… don’t do that. But if you aren’t traveling, are having a small Christmas, or just keeping to yourself this holiday season, remember home is wherever you want it to be. Even a movie theater.

Happy Holidays!

Christin: So. That happened.

Rachel: Yeah. Sure did. Are we there yet? No? Seriously?

Christin: That was seriously a risky way to end the movie. They’re all looking at something on the horizon, awe-struck, and you cut to it and the damn mountain is a billion miles away. It’s like “hey we’re getting somewh– oh.”

Rachel: Right! I actually said to myself, “Oh man, it’s still SO far away!”

Christin: And in the distance. A sleepy menace wakes. And doesn’t utter a syllable.

Rachel: And that menace’s eye looks like weirdly similar to the Eye of Sauron.

Christin: It did indeed. Apparently we’re going for an “eyes are evil” theme.

Christin: Better than weirdly cross-eyed and blazed out. What did you think of Radagast?

Rachel: I’m sure I’m about to expose myself as a total noob, but was I supposed to know who he was? Either way, he was a fun little diversion, and I liked his doings with warm, fuzzy critters. But I’m not supposed to like him, as the mushrooms have addled his brain, and we frown upon that.

Christin: Ugh, Saruman is so straight edge. And a little haughty for a guy who gets hooked to Middle Earth tv (palantir).

Christin: I vaguely remember Radagast being mentioned in Lord of the Rings but basically as “that other wizard.” I don’t think he makes an actual appearance in the books proper, just appendices.

Christin: The fuzzy critters were less random than they appeared in the trailer and I’m glad he served a purpose eventually, but we spent a lot of time with him compared to how useful he turned out to be (no matter how cute rabbits are).

Rachel: Okay, I’m glad I (probably, maybe?) wasn’t the only one going “Wait…Radagast? Heh?” I agree, the critters did seem random in the trailer, so I’m glad they did have a point in the movie.

Christin: That seemed to be a thing with the whole movie. Like the rock giant fight. It looked awesome but the only purpose was to force the Dwarves into the mountain. The movie spent a lot of time on things that are only catalysts. The Lord of the Rings trilogy seemed more deft at every scene doing more than one thing at a time.

Rachel: I definitely feel like that trilogy is able to get a lot more accomplished, in less time, and still without cutting out a lot of the detail. I wish this had gone similarly.

Rachel: The rock giant fight was fairly useless, plot-wise. They could have just as easily been forced into the mountain by the bad weather. It did look cool, and thank god I didn’t see it in 3D or I’d probably have thrown up, but again, too much time spent on it.

Christin: Let’s talk format. How did you see this? I saw 24 fps, 2D, like a peasant. How did it look to you?

Rachel: I saw the exact same. Like a TRUE peasant because we went at 10:45 in the morning, so it only cost us $5.50 a person!

Christin: Oh my god. I paid $13.50 (plus convenience fees) for a midnight showing. We live in the same damn state and I have to pay a fee for the pleasure of living in New York City (sarcasm tone activated).

Rachel: Looks-wise, I think it looked pretty good, although there were a lot of scenes where I thought it was hard to tell what was actually going on. Most notably, the chase scene through the mountain with the goblins. I was having a very hard time figuring out what was what.

Christin: Yeah, I noticed that there were some moments that were quite blurry, mostly the swoopy bits you could tell were optimized for 3D and yes, the goblin scene but that whole thing felt like a bit of a mess. It sort of reminded me of Pirates of the Caribbean but with more characters to follow.

Rachel: With way too many characters to follow! There were times I thought dwarfs had died, and then they’d magically reappear again, and I’d see it was a goblin who had died. I couldn’t get it straight. It definitely was a mess. I mean, an enjoyable mess, but a mess nonetheless. I sound like Dr. Seuss.

Christin: I was terrified that Kili was going to get killed off, the camera kept focusing on him. Probably because he’s the hottest. Or maybe I was just looking for him.

Rachel: Yes. I was holding off on that part of the conversation, but I see that it’s time. Kili and Fili were lovely to watch.

Christin: Not to be girls about it but we are and we like the menfolk. Very nice.

Rachel: I was glad to have some attractive Dwarves to watch while going on the incredibly long and exhausting adventure.

Christin: Speaking of hot, what did you think of Martin Freeman?

Rachel: I loved Martin as Bilbo! I think he did a fantastic job, actually. I can’t really imagine anyone else playing that part in the way that he did. I didn’t realize it until I started watching the movie, but he is basically exactly how I have always pictured Bilbo in my head.

Christin: Aww, that’s awesome. I knew going in he’s an excellent actor, the work he’s doing on Sherlock is amazing. So I was a little off-put at first by how broad he was playing it. It was vaudevillian the way he was acting with his face for the first half of the movie. I mean, that walk is pure Charlie Chaplin. On the podcast Michelle pointed out that he’s matching Ian Holm who also took a very actorly route with it but still, risky choice since obviously Bilbo is getting more screen-time in The Hobbit.

Rachel: I can agree, it was a little goofy in the beginning, but I sort of expected that for some reason. Maybe it’s just my interpretation of the text that lead me in that direction. Overall though, I feel like he nailed it, and I feel like it’s only going to get better in the next one.

Christin: I do think it pays off in the end when he has his moments of realization and redemption. He ends the movie a lot more serious. Which, now that I think about it, is really interesting and sort of tragic, depending on how you read it. Since he is a lot like Ian Holm’s Bilbo at the beginning and Holm is older Bilbo, he clearly never loses his spark unlike Frodo who is completely changed after his journey. And Bilbo had the ring for way longer. Is it a comment on Sauron’s increased power by the time Frodo inherits the ring? Frodo is weaker? Or just a continuity glitch?

Rachel: I haven’t really ever thought of the differences between Bilbo and Frodo after their respective journeys. But now that you mention it, I think I’ve always just interpreted it as Sauron’s increased power doing far more damage on Frodo than it ever had the opportunity to do on Bilbo. The ring itself doesn’t even seem to have all that much power over Bilbo during The Hobbit. I mean, he wants it, obviously, and he’d be sad if he lost it, but there isn’t the same sense of extreme urgency with it that there is when Frodo has possession of it. I don’t think Frodo is weaker. In many ways I think he is stronger than Bilbo just for the fact that he knows what he is about to face and he does it head on. Bilbo doesn’t really know what he’s going to face (except the possibility of a dragon) and he faces it, but he does it reluctantly the entire time. Frodo seems more resigned to it, knowing the importance of what he is tasked with. But I don’t really want to say either is stronger than the other. They’re very different and I love them both!

Christin: Yes, you’re 100% right. They’re different and on different journeys, but the movie was at pains to connect to the original trilogy (Elijah Wood was lovely but essentially unnecessary) so I’m going to go with it. I was curious to see how they portrayed the ring world to Bilbo since in The Hobbit he doesn’t seem to notice anything going on at all while, for Frodo, it extremely disruptive and upsetting. I think that’s partially the increased power and proximity of evil but I love your point about knowing the force of the ring. You could almost read it as a psychological issue, where Frodo is projecting the eye of Sauron when he first puts the ring on, not actually seeing it or being seen. (That was actually my interpretation until Return of the King when the eye became a spotlight which I wasn’t crazy about.)

Rachel: Absoutely. Bilbo is in blissful ignorance of the true power of the ring, and sort of thinks of it as a fun toy. Frodo is aware from the start of the power of it, which has definitely increased, and he takes it very seriously. The eye as a spotlight didn’t really work for me either.

Christin: Again, still an interesting message about power and restraint. When Bilbo decides not to kill Gollum, that was the most powerful part of the movie to me.

Rachel: Totally agree about not killing Gollum. You could really see the inner struggle going on there, and you can respect him for making the decision to just let him get on with his terrible life. Although, I have to admit, for a second I had the thought, “If you’d just kill him, things might be better…” until I realized that Frodo might have had a lot tougher time without Gollum’s “help” so I guess it is what it is.

Rachel: I’d like to bring up the fact that I really enjoyed the lightheartedness of the movie. Obviously their mission is quite serious, and bad things happen, but I liked having something to giggle about now and then. You did get some of those moments in the trilogy, but not to the extent of this movie. That’s definitely in keeping with the book, so it was to be expected, but I appreciated it anyway.

Christin: Ok, I’m going to have to trust you in keeping with the book. I just got a battered copy on the street for a buck but I only made it to the Dwarves’ songs before I put it away for a while. And while I agree that levity is necessary, I wanted less. Or less random, I guess. I mean, there were booger jokes.

Rachel: The booger jokes could have been left out, definitely. The tone of the book is certainly more fun and funny than the other books, though. Until you get to where they’re actually trying to deal with Smaug, and then it gets more serious, but that just accents the severity of the situation appropriately. But I mean hey, Dwarves are funny guys. My husband pointed out to me that many of the funny parts in the other movies involve Gimli, a dwarf, so there you have it.

Christin: I cannot believe that, not once, did anyone yell “NOT THE BEARD!” or reference dwarf-tossing. NOT ONCE.

Rachel: I would have died laughing in the theater if that happened.

Christin: They’re just a goofy bunch of people. I hope that isn’t Dwarf-ist.

Christin: The movie seemed to have a 12-year-old mentality, what with the boogers and the really nasty looking Goblins and Orcs. Where Lord of the Rings is kinda bloody and gory, this one was oozy and leaky and I know which one I prefer. Neck fat lesions? No thank you.

Rachel: It was very cartoon-y, I thought. That neck fat was just nasty, even pre-lesions.

Christin: So basically, a matter of taste.

Christin: I don’t know, it just didn’t feel as lived-in as LotR.

Rachel: I hear you. It did feel a little different.

Christin: They are sort of following a LotR formula where there’s a greater evil (Smaug/Necromancer/Benedict Cumberbatch) looming in the distance and an immediate but lesser evil hunting down the protagonists. But it’s heresy to even mention the incomparable Christopher Lee in the same breath as that awful, fake looking white Orc I was dismayed to see still alive at the end of the film.

Rachel: I’m probably losing my mind, but I can’t remember any “Pale Orc” from the book.

Christin: Pretty sure the Pale Orc is a movie invention. What’d you think of him?

Rachel: I don’t want movie inventions! There was already enough crap to deal with, without ADDING something else! I think he was probably unnecessary. I don’t really have any other opinion of him.

Rachel: Overall, I’m not terribly excited about An Unexpected Journey. I mean, I liked it, but I’m not running around telling everyone they should go see it either. And to be honest, I probably won’t watch it again until it comes out on DVD.

Christin: Well first off, no one needs to be told to see a Lord of the Rings movie at this point right? If you’re going, you’re going, if you’re not, you never were in the first place. I might see it again because I’m so curious about the 48fps. And I might be able to enjoy it more now that I have a sense of where it is going. I felt so lost during the entire movie with the frequent shifts in tone and perspective. Now that I have a sense of direction I might be able to relax and enjoy more. But it’s a sense of curiosity and experimentation, not the way I felt walking about of Two Towers and wondering when I could see that again.

Christin: I am still excited for the next movie. There was a lot of introductory stuff going on in this movie, maybe now that we’ve introduced everyone and fleshed out everyone’s backstory we can focus on the forward momentum. Plus, DRAGON!

Rachel: YES! I’m much more hopeful for the next movie. I agree, now that we’ve gotten all that crap out of the way, there’s a lot more room for forward motion at a faster pace. And yes, of course, dragon! Wee!

Rachel: One of my very geeky acquaintances mentioned that he is under the impression that the conclusion to The Hobbit story line as we know it will actually be taking place in the 2nd movie, and that the third movie is going to be mostly from The Silmarillion, which I have not read, so I guess I’ll need to get on that. But this is also just rumor, I have no idea how true it is.

Christin: I tried reading the Silmarillion and that was back during my LotR frenzy stage and I still couldn’t get through it. So good luck!

Rachel: Just reading the description of The Silmarillion makes me doze. I’ll probably skip it.

Christin: You have read The Hobbit more recently and the end of that is the battle right? Which Bilbo is mostly passed out for but the other main characters are active participants.

Rachel: The battle isn’t the end end, but it’s basically the climax of the story, yes.

Christin: Based on the titles alone I was under the impression that The Desolation of Smaug is going to be about the journey to the Lonely Mountain and wherever they need to be to unlock the light key and find the door to the horde of gold and confront the dragon (even saying that I realize how goofy it all sounds). There and Back Again will be about that final battle and probably something to do with the reconciliation of Dwarves and elves. Orlando Bloom is back for these movies and you don’t cast Lee Pace (on a mother-effin ELK) for a 30 second part, he’s obviously coming back.

Rachel: Dat elk! I’m pretty sure I said “whoa” out loud when he strolled up.

Christin: Plus they beat the “Dwarves hate Elves!” thing to bloody death. Clearly there isn’t total amicability since Legolas and Gimli still hate each other at first but for movie cohesion there is probably some type of understanding. That’s my take on how the movies are all going to shake down.

Rachel: I’d be much happier if it was all like your description, and it makes sense to me to cut it up that way if we’re insisting on doing three movies. I’d rather go by the titles, which suggest a Hobbit-y conclusion in the final film. I’m down.

Christin: Right. So you know what. Good. Those sound way better since (and this is only if my guesses are correct but they are educated guesses) the second and third movies will be centered around singular events instead of being herky-jerky and episodic. And I’m fine with length if it means spending more time on big things instead of rushing through lots of mini stories. Unexpected Journey did have a lot of mini-scenes but it also took its time with Riddles in the Dark, which I can appreciate.

Rachel: Singular events will make the next two much better, I think. And I agree with you on the length being more tolerable in that case, but I’m almost wondering if they length will also cut down since there is less back story to inject from here on out.

Christin: MORE DRAGON MONOLOGUES PLEASE! I ask this from a sound designer perspective but also, of course, as a flailing fangirl.

Rachel: I’m so proud that you’ve been able to leave Benedict out of this for so long! You’re doing so well! But now that he’s been brought up, I will tell you that I’m very much looking forward to seeing him do work in the upcoming movies!

Christin: I went with a friend who is as big a fangirl as I am. We were fighting over which one of us is his fake girlfriend (me). So every time a wizard said “the Necromancer” we would clutch at each other like “he’s coming! AHHHH!” Same when Thorin yelled DRAGON! in the beginning. Which A, I liked the reference to Faramir yelling NAZGUL! in Two Towers, and B, they did a really good job hiding the dragon in the movie and in the trailers. I had no clue there was going to be any dragon stuff at all before the movie started.

Christin: And wasn’t he blue? I was totally expecting red. Is there a description in the books? Is this going to be like the nerd rage over whether the Balrog had wings or not?

Christin: Dragons are red. Scientific fact. It’s all the fire inside them.

Rachel: I don’t know if they ever gave a true description of the dragon in the book, actually. Just like, “it’s big” kinda thing.

Rachel: I was expecting to actually see his face when they showed the Necromancer (silly me) but I thought it was cool how even though the dragon was in the movie, he wasn’t, really. I mean, you really didn’t get to see much of anything. A tail here, a foot there, an eyeball at the end. Still keeping us guessing!

Christin: The world is conspiring to keep him off my screen.

Rachel: Sooooon, my precious! SOON!

Star Trek: Into Darkness is in theaters May 17, 2013. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is in theaters December 2013. The next season of Sherlock is airing ~radio silence, sound of soft weeping~

You can find more Hobbit discussion in our podcast, featuring Rob, Michelle, Jon, Christin, and Jeff.

The G1 panel takes off its 3D glasses to dissect whatever the hell the Hobbit actually was. If nothing else the journey was… unexpected.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Rob, Michelle, Jon, Christin

Table of Contents:

Part 1: Start – 21:50:
- Intros + Theater experience
- Format/HFR/3D, What’s the deal?

Part 2: 21:50 – 48:50:
- Plots/Subplots! Movie length
- Martin Freeman
- LOTR relationship
- Suspension of disbelief / Absence of consequence
- Who is this movie for? Cartoon or serious?

Part 3: 48:50 – END:
- Radagast the Brown and the main quest’s relevance
- How do you feel about it being a trilogy?
- Final thoughts and ratings
- Open discussion and wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is the Hobbit theme from Howard Shore’s LOTR score.

Break two is the main LOTR theme, also from Howard Shore’s score.

The panel checks out the BBC’s Sherlock series and discusses all things Baker Street.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, Rob, Michelle

Table of Contents:

Part 1 – Start – 21:10:
- Intros + What do you know about this Sherlock Holmes?
- What drew you into Sherlock Holmes?
- The literature, the movies, TV spinoffs, etc.
- House comparison, is it fair?

Part 2 – 21:10 – 47:00:
- BBC Sherlock discussion.- What happened at the end of episode 6?
- Moriarty
- Episode discussion
- Series visuals

Part 3 – 47:00 – End:- Irene Adler aka The Woman
- Theories about what’s next
- Final thoughts
- Open discussion + wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is the theme to the BBC’s Sherlock.

Break two audio is the melody from the same theme.

I caught the Wachowskis’ film adaptation of David Lloyd and Alan Moore’s V for Vendetta during a lazy Saturday HBO binge several years ago. Though I was loosely familiar with the iconography associated with the tale (what denizen of the internet hasn’t seen a Guy Fawkes mask here or there?), I was ignorant of the actual source material. The movie is a solid action piece, one which culminates in a knife-throwing, explosion-packed climax revealing to those damn fascists that they can’t stop a legion of V’s. Cool, but also disappointingly simple. The ruthless, antagonistic government is so dehumanized they might as well be zombies or robots (or even robot zombies). V is so crafty and cool he might as well be Batman. In a society that bent out of shape, who wouldn’t root for an enigmatic anti-hero? Especially one with Huge Weaving’s voice. Bottom line, I’d seen that story before.

So, thinking I’d somehow completed my V for Vendetta experience, I turned off the TV and promptly forgot it even existed. That is, until I got ahold of the compiled version of the comic a few weeks ago thanks to Rob.

In 1988, Moore wrote a forward that’s now included in most published versions of Vendetta. He begins by describing it as his first effort and a continuing series, one which spanned over half a decade in the early days of his career. Intriguingly enough, he effectively apologizes for the inconsistent nature of the quality of the storytelling, specifically in the earlier segments. Ironically, these earlier segments, in which V exacts his vengeance on those who tortured and experimented on him at Larkhill, are effectively the centerpiece of the movie. Moore is well known for his displeasure with Hollywood-style adaptations, and though he was writing more than 15 years prior to the creation of the movie, it was almost like he was foreshadowing its expected flaws.

V for Vendetta begins much like the movie, where straightforward evildoers (power-corrupted fingermen, pedophilic bishops, Nazi-reminiscent propagandists) are punished for their wickedness by a knife wielding badass. Beyond that point things start to get interesting. Moore’s writing and Lloyd’s artwork reaches up and pulls the high and mighty fascists down into the human world. Though still glamorized, they become real people with real problems, no longer existing as mere foils for V.

Instead of a cruel, polished leader, we’re shown a man so socially detached that he’s hopelessly in love with a machine. We see a widow burdened by an abusive relationship, unable to pick up the pieces of her shattered life. A gangster with his hand forced into too many pies. A social diva with delusions of grandeur and a husband ensnared in her web. A detective so focused on his job that he’s in denial about the wider circumstances of his nation. Does this humanity make any of them good people?  Not really, but it sure as hell makes their fate a lot more interesting, especially when they turn their malice away from V and toward each other. It also lends a sort of plausibility to the dystopia.

What V ultimately achieves is destruction of England’s fascism from both without and within. His actions are no longer driven by the direct confrontation of the earlier chapters. Instead, they simply send his enemies spiraling towards self-destruction. Their individual flaws build like cracks in a wall. Once V pulls the carpet out from under their legs by quashing the illusion of their power, they devour each other while wider England tumbles into a chaotic revolution. It may not have the wiz-bang-pow of a subway brawl in which V takes out a dozen well armed fascists with some knives and body armor, but it’s very cool in its own way. Maybe even cooler.

Outside of the fascists, our protagonist and his young counterpart are also more deeply explored in the comics. V is far more aloof, making his final proclamation that he exists as an idea, not flesh and blood, seem to resonate with more accuracy. Evey is younger and more impressionable. Portman plays her part well in the movie, but the decision to have her character begin well-read and in her 20′s instead of a doe-eyed 16 year old streetwalker creates a pretty thick line in the sand. While both movie and comic Evey share her most climatic moment, the surrounding circumstances of her story, as well as Llyod’s treatment of her facial features, make her arc seem much more drastic in the original work.

The book also explores the idea of anarchy, aftermath, and society with more depth. With the movie’s decision to make all those who stand against tyranny into V is appealing, it’s also intellectually dishonest. A society filled with V’s doesn’t work. Moore seems to address this in discussions between V and Evey regarding the roses, the distinction between chaos and anarchy, and creators and destroyers. While V plucks a rose for his victims, Evey chooses instead to let it grow.

When she takes up the mantle of V, she does so as an individual progeny. She speaks to London about the finality of the previous regimes destruction, but also about what can come next, “…new life, hope re-instated.” V is not society, V is a catalyst for societal change. Ultimately, it’s the regular people who choose what happens next. To borrow a quote from another Wachowski movie, V can “…only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.”

Ultimately I prefer the comic to the movie, though I can understand why some may disagree. The movie is more streamlined, exciting, and digestible. Still, I would recommend even the most impatient reader give the original the benefit of a thorough look. The characters are deeper, the world is wider, and most importantly the ideas are given the more thorough treatment that they deserve.

In every novel of the Plott files, Sean finds himself locked in a Magic: the Gathering battle to the death with either a Cerebrate or a South American Vampire.

Guest panelist Thomas joins Jeff, Steve, Marcus, and Ben from an action-packed episode of Martial Arts discussion, including movies, games, MMA, and more.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Ben, Steve, Marcus, Thomas

Table of Contents:

Part 1 – Start – 25:30:
- Intros + What martial arts do you know, and what do you like to watch?
- Asian cinema and Kung-fu movies (Gordon Liu)
- Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, and Jet Li (plus Tony Jaa)

Part 2 – 25:30 – 52:25:
- Martial Arts in Western movies
- Steven Seagal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris
- Martial Arts in gaming
- MMA

Part 3 – 52:25 – END:
- What is the greatest Martial Art? Is it even a fair question?
- Open Discussion
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

Break One Audio is Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas.

Break Two Audio is the introduction to Kung Fu, the TV series.

When I decided to give DOTA 2 a try, I did so with what, in retrospect, was overly extreme trepidation. Several years ago I was a frequent DOTA player and the hundreds of hours I’d poured into it left me with a sour taste in my mouth. I really admired the design of the game, but the actual playing experience didn’t live up to brilliance of its potential. The community was, for lack of a better word, immature. I would spend 45 minutes trying to have a good time, find myself miserably disappointed, then do it all over again thinking I’d somehow, maybe achieve a different result.

Fortunately, DOTA 2′s community is a marked improvement on its predecessor. Sure, you still run into ragers, BMers, and outright assholes (it’s an online game, after all), but you also run into people who are genuinely interested in everyone having a good time. I’ve been shocked at how often I’ve randomly found myself with a friendly, cooperative team in a public game. It’s not perfect, of course, and there are definitely some language barrier issues (a byproduct of allowing players to queue internationally), but make no mistake, playing DOTA 2 =/= playing DOTA.

So I dove in, head first and legs flailing. For a long time I played random every game, trying to get a sense for the various different roles and play-styles that make up a successful team. Now, after hitting my 100th win and maintaining a semi-decent 54% win-rate, I feel like I’ve picked up a few good tidbits along the way. This isn’t a guide, there are plenty of great ones already. This is more like a series of observations that inform a playing philosophy.

K/D/A isn’t Everything.

For casual DOTA players, no stat holds quite as much undeserved weight as Kills/Deaths/Assists. How often do you hear your friend bragging about how he went 14/2/10 with Bounty or 8/0/5 with Lich? I obviously won’t say it doesn’t matter (deaths in particular are quite important), but it doesn’t take into account perhaps the most important aspect of DOTA: HOW kills were achieved. Did you get that kill because your team had well placed wards? A good draft? Eloquently timed disables? All of the above? Like in major league sports, there’s a lot more behind the numbers.

Aside from the obvious fact that some roles in DOTA are more prone to getting kills vs others (carry vs support vs pusher, etc), it’s important to remember that kills are a means to an end, not the ultimate goal. I’ve lost a game where I was 14/9/17. More importantly, I’ve been on winning teams where I’ve been 2/15/20. Getting a win is about a multitude of factors relating to XP, gold, hero and player synergy, and map control. Those methods allow teams that get demolished early in the kill ratios to fight their way back during team fights and pushing phases. Even if you’re getting stomped over and over as a squishy support hero, placing a sentry ward during a push because none of your allies were willing or able to buy one could mean the difference between wiping out the opposition or losing every hero you have.

Equally important is the ability to seize a moment when it presents itself. I’ve seen entire games turn around because one team decided to fight Rosh at the right (or wrong) moment. Ending a game with good K/D/A is certainly fun, but I’ve found it’s better to focus on all the factors that lead to a win, not just the glitzy stats.

Knowing Your Role is Important, so is Following Through with it.

Understanding which hero should be doing what is a lot more complex than reading Valve’s descriptions. It requires understanding of your team’s chemistry, your opponents’ chemistry, and the likely situations that will arise when those two meet in battle. Once you’ve chosen your role (carry, initiator, support, disable, etc), it’s extremely important that you communicate it to your team. If you’re planning on focusing on just harassing/denying in lane, let your partner know he/she can farm freely. Building some aura items? Tell everyone. Need to stay out of team fights for a while and farm? Definitely say so.

Equally important is following through with your chosen role. When you’ve picked what you want to do, it should influence EVERY decision you make during the game. If you are a carry and the opposite team is pushing t1 towers, it may be worth it to let them do so, avoiding the risk of dying and the loss of valuable experience/gold from not farming. I recently played a game as DK where I really messed up by focusing on team fights and ganks instead of farming. Once we hit the late game, I was no where near as farmed as I needed to be to counter our opponents’ carries. Playing support? Keep an eye on the mini-map for areas that need wards at all given times. Don’t just throw up some obs wards at the start and then forget about it. Fighting invis heroes? Always carry counters for that. Giving your team vision can make all the difference in the world.

Always be thinking about what you can do to best help the team. If your ally wants to push and you’re 200 away from a Mekanism, or getting close to that pivotal BKB, let them know it’s probably better for everyone to wait until it’s finished.

Believe in Yourself.

If you are playing public games, you will have a lot of “advice” thrown your way. Sometimes it’s good advice. Sometimes it’s really, really terrible advice. Advice that’s less about teaching and more about ego. Remember, you’re not playing with people who are worlds better than you. Chances are, your MMRs are similar. So when someone starts yelling at you for making a decision that feels logical to you, don’t every assume they’re right. Instead, look at the situation yourself, read up on what professionals may be saying about similar circumstances, and make improvements based on what YOU believe, not some random guy who’s just upset that diving that tower got them killed because you didn’t dive with them.

Any online game can be unforgiving, but it’s important to remember that you’re there to have fun. Improve at your own pace, and remember that no matter how poorly you play, it’s just one game. If someone’s being a condescending jerk, just mute them.

Make some Friends, aka Don’t be a Dick.

Team games that they are, MOBA’s are always much more fun with friends. Don’t have any IRL friends who play DOTA? Make some in game. If you have a really good time playing with a few random people in a public match, ask if they want to play again. I’ve met so many people this way that have enriched my DOTA experience. I often have more fun losing with friends than I do winning with random people. It’s the nature of the game.

If you want to find people to play with who aren’t assholes, than one of the best ways to do so is to make sure you conduct yourself with respect. Congratulate your teammates when they make good plays, be forgiving when someone screws up, and if you want to trash-talk, do so with a light heart instead of blazing nerd rage. If you BM the living piss out of everyone you play with, chances are your friends list is going to be pretty slim. The friends you do make will be reflections of your behavior. In DOTA, opposites do not attract.

Consumables are Good. Really, Really Good.

I know I said this wasn’t really a guide, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t include this piece of advice. It’s so tempting for novice/intermediate players to ignore consumables and go straight for the big time, late games items. Do not do this. Please please please don’t underestimate the power of having regen in the early game, or having wards around the map, or setting up smoke ganks, etc.

These items make or break your team. Learn when and how to use them and do it frequently.

There’s Always more to Learn.

So even after 100 wins I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface of all DOTA2 has to offer. I doubt even the most seasoned pro will profess to having complete mastery of the game’s every nuance. So what are some good ways to improve? Aside from constantly challenging yourself to try new things in game, plenty of casters, professionals, and former professionals stream frequently. Watch them. Personally, I’m big fans of Merlini and Purge. Both provide fantastic insights into the game whether they are playing themselves or watching other high level matches. There are plenty of other popular streamers out there as well. I encourage everyone to explore them (TeamLiquid is always a good place to poke around). There’s also tons of great reading material out there (see the links in the intro paragraphs).

Mostly, though, find some people you like playing with and just play. I will be continuing my DOTA 2 journey and documenting what I learn in our DOTA2 livestream. Feel free to join me for the ride. Good luck and have fun.

Now that Nolan’s trilogy is up on our shelves, how do Batman’s looniest baddies stack up against each other?

Here’s the weird thing about Batman: as much as we love the guy – and we really, really do – whenever he comes to the big screen, we invariably go batshit for the villains (pun’s intended – deal with it). Don’t agree? Do you remember the name of the aliens the Avengers fought? A single memorable Hugo Weaving moment in Captain America: First Avenger? Or whatever the hell Ryan Reynolds was shooting mind-bullets at in Green Lantern? It’s likely the answer is a resounding “ohhhh yeah, I *did* see those movies, didn’t I?”

But Batman villains. Are. AWESOME. They are, by and large, non-super-powered, psychopathic archetypes that, for reasons I think we fans are still trying to figure out, speak to us. Sure, it’s obviously fun to look at a woman dressed as a cat or a dude decked out in question marks. On another level, though, Batman bad guys are so thematically focused, so psychologically hampered, so visceral, they almost work as Bruce Wayne delusions (I know, right!?).

They’re also really easy to screw up.

But now that we can adorn our shelves with all three of Nolan’s Batman films, we can celebrate. Nolan and his cast/crew brought a healthy chunk of Batman’s rogues gallery to life in a gritty, unexpected, and startlingly reverent way.

So let’s rank them. Why? Because this isn’t the Internet we need, it’s the Internet we deserve. Also: YAY LISTS!  -inspirational picture quote, cat meme-

7. TALIA AL GHUL

Aw man. This already feels unfair. Poor Talia gets last on the list for reasons that aren’t even her fault:

• She doesn’t get a lot screen time
• The entire crutch of her evilness, the twist in The Dark Knight Rises, is same trick her old man pulled… and sorta expected (Bane, bro – stop pulling her aside, man.).

Hey, also: you can’t cast a name actress in an unassuming, “innocuous” role in a high profile movie (cc: JGL, and Skyfall‘s Ralph Finnes and Naomie Harris). Yeah, “Miranda.” CUT TO: Gotham hotspot, some cosmos, shoe talk, and a juicy dish on the size of Bruce’s Bat-Unit.

Despite all this, Talia works. I’ve heard complaints that the Bruce hook-up scene felt rushed, but Collitard sells it. Bruce is such a sad panda at the start of Rises, he seems vulnerable enough to fall for a secret international terrorist. Plus, the scar? The tangled backstory? The stabbing? Yeah, Talia works for sure.

We just know she will even before the film reveals her. Seventh.

6. THE JOKER

Wow, hear that? That is the sound a lot of browser tabs closing.

Heath Ledger’s Joker is brilliant. He brings a devotion and articulation to the role that I think we’ll be drawing from for a long time. I don’t think the character should be put to film again in our lifetimes. He’s that good. However…

The Dark Knight‘s Joker – intentionally, I’m sure – hovers over the world of the film. He knows too much. Acts too fast.  Always lands the Hail Mary. Have you ever sat alone in the dark with a scotch and thought about what this guy’s dry erase board mock-up had to look like for the Dent assassination to play out like it did (what, I’m the only one)? Even with major audibles going on, and a line of scrimmage packed with gibbering maniacs, this guy’s success makes Palpatine’s Star Wars prequel schemes look like a victorious bout of Connect Four.

This isn’t some nutso “ahead of the curve” view of the world. The Joker’s read the script and the rest of the characters are really living it. I think we forgive the omnipotent trickster routine because Ledger, and the film’s mach-5 pacing, is so damn good. But as the film ages in our collective cultural zeitgeist, the self-aware “anything you can do, I can do better…” take on the Joker is forging its own spot on the shelf separate from the rest of the film.

Is that bad? I don’t think so. But it still puts him at sixth.

5. RA’S AL GHUL

I’m not getting a Christmas card from the Al Ghuls this year, am I?

Truth is Liam Neeson’s Ra’s is a wonderful villain, but ultimately falls into a category we see often in films: BIZARRO DAD™. Bizarro Dad looks, sounds, and feels like Actual Dad, except this is Batman and Actual Dad isn’t exactly available. In steps Bizarro Dad, all wise-sounding and tricking our hero into thinking some strange, new path is the best path ever strolled. See: Hulk‘s Absorbing Man. Toy Story 2‘s Prospector Pete. Mad Men‘s Conrad Hilton. Apt Pupil‘s Kurt Dussander. Prometheus‘ Weyland. Spider-Man‘s Green Goblin. The Departed‘s Frank Costello. And a billion other villains from a billion other stories.

I don’t mean to marginalize – as far as Bizarro Dads go, Ra’s is way above average. And considering “dead parents” is probably the first bullet point in the Batman syllabus, he’s way overdue, too. Writer David Goyer and Nolan find compelling new avenues for the concept – like playing “catch” with your “son” on a frozen-over lake about to give – but at the end of the day Ra’s is the familiar father-figure trying to strong-arm a son into committing to some bananapants nonsense… and threatening violent death if they not willing to take up the throne.

Bruce… I am sorta, but not really, your father. Fifth.

4. BANE

Hey, remember even everyone thought Riddler was a shoe-in for Rises and then the studio announced that Bane, the mountainous, steroid-addled Hispanic in a luchador mask would be played by the short British dude from Inception? Oh. Okay. …So you’re saying Benedict Cumberbatch *wasn’t* available for Killer Croc?

But, as it turned out, Tom Hardy’s Bane is a hard character to take your eyes off. The grill. The eyes. The imposing size. And the voice! How baller is it that Hardy looked at the role that clearly calls for a “Clint Eastwood via rotating fan” and was like “I’m thinking more a jaunty Ian McKellan through a memory foam pillow?” WHAT!? Where do I sign? I savored every syllable.

More than that, Bane unnerved me in a way that other Nolan villains didn’t. I don’t know DC’s Knightfall, but Bane’s first encounter with Batman is pure nightmare fuel. Topped with a satisfying human moment where we realize Bane might be stuck in Talia’s friend-zone, and I think we got a winner here.

You must break me, Bane? You must have meant my heart. </3

3. CATWOMAN

Let me first make a shout out to the most important gadget in the series: high-tech heist goggles that, lenses up, look like cat ears. Hollywood costume designers finding motivated ways to emulate silly comic book things – you’re doing it right.

Anyway, the global sigh of relief was audible following the premiere of Rises: Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman kicked major ass. Michelle Pfeiffer’s turn in Batman Returns is arguably one of the best things to come out of Burton’s run, but modern Batman comic fans have embraced a new, anti-hero take on the character, one that flirts with both Bruce’s heart and her own liberation from the seedy and cynical trade as a cat burglar preying on Gotham’s elite. That’s exactly what we got – and I do mean exactly. There were several nerd boner moments from Summer 2012 that felt ripped from directly from the comics – but Catwoman and Batman jumping together, rooftop to rooftop, cooperatively escaping gunfire tops them all (Hey Peter/Doc Connors sewer scuffle from Amazing Spider-Man, here’s your silver medal).

Beyond the comic reverence Nolan’s Catwoman gets, there’s quite a bit more to her, even more than being Bruce’s “way out” of being Batman. Like Dent, Hathaway’s Selina toes the line between hero and villain and comes out safe on the other side. She’s her own protagonist, independent from any extremist ideologies or babbling psychosis. She’s savvy, strong, vulnerable, uncertain; has triumphs, fears, mistakes, and regrets. Her return to save Batman is the series’ Millennium Falcon/Death Star trench moment and is the definition of satisfying. Rises answers the burning question that has haunted mankind for decades: If I had fake my own death and abscond to Italy with a hot female version of Han Solo… could I do it? I think we know now.

There’s all this talk of JGL taking up the Bat-mantle for subsequent movies – but why isn’t Warner Bros. lobbying hard to Hathaway to– oh yeah, nevermind. Still – top three.

2. TWO-FACE

Since DC’s Long Halloween, Two-Face has been a Batman essential and the Nolan/Goyer/Eckhart slow burn descent of Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight is perhaps their greatest work: the realization of a tragic character that pulls wide on the duality concept and drives a relatable and corrupted force directly into the vulnerable heart of Batman’s crusade. Aw. So ends the promising Bats/Gordon/Dent three-way bromance.

As a former crime fighter who chooses zero tolerance, Two-Face is not just Batman’s greatest villain – he’s become a post-modern impasse. The Nolan team distilled this atom of comicdom legitimacy and transformed it into a telling totem of our #FirstWorldProblems dilemma. I know that sounds weighty, but the script is awash with the idea: “We tried to be decent men… in an indecent time!” In that chilling moment, the comic pulp melts away and we’re prompted to examine more than guys in capes punching each other on rooftops. This is big. This is a character we admired, who strove for justice during extraordinary circumstances – and now thinks a gun to a child’s head is the right thing to do. Yikes.

If the film’s fight song heralds a world capable of turning law abiding, taxpaying idealists into delusional psychotics driven to unspeakable deeds, then Two-Face is its mascot. How much of this descent is mirrored in ourselves? Probably more than we’d like to know. Admittedly, Mr. Nolan, when the time comes, I have the wardrobe for it.

Quite appropriately, Two-Face gets a number two spot.

1. THE SCARECROW

Let’s all take a weaponized hallucinogenic trip back to 2005: while everyone was going bonkers for the Revenge of Sith, some budinski named Christopher Nolan was making another Batman movie. Apparently Mr. Nolan didn’t get the memo that we Bat-fans had all pretty much given up the idea of the dark knight on film. “Scarecrow” in the IMDB cast roster wasn’t exactly blowing anyone’s mind, either. “You mean the scrawny guy who– I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HE DOES.” And then we all bought a ticket anyway. Thank God.

It’s easy to get what Nolan was trying to do (and did) with Begins: Pull it away from the nipple-suits and one-liners, set it in a believable world, and find an emotional core. One where Batman primarily fights ninjas, gangsters, and emotional baggage. But let’s be honest: Batman needs his rogues gallery. We need the weirdos. The freaks. The costumes.

Enter: Cillian Murphy’s Scarecrow. The chilly demeanor. The academic douchebaggery. The self-referential Jungian monologue. The conservative costume design. The non-physical threat. The theme of fear. And the greatest, fist-pumping gimmick reversal in recent movie memory.

If you think about all the things that Nolan and his team had to crush in this Batman reboot, a costumed villain is either one or two on the list. Seriously. If you can’t sell a dude in a burlap mask as a threat in this gritty/noir treatment, then Batman as a fresh concept is over. Begins‘ Scarecrow is the gateway to the rest of the franchise. Without the careful execution of the role, I don’t think we get Two-Face or Bane or Catwoman. I don’t think we get Joker. They had to figure out how to do this guy first.

How happy am I that they did? So happy I could scre– AHHHHHH! Jesus, I always forget bats fly out of his face like that.

All right, bat-people: how would you rank them? Why was Catwoman unnecessary? Why should Ledger hit the top spot? Why should have I included Carmine Falcone? Leave your own lists in the bat-comments below.

Break Audio is from pt 1 of Kathleen Kennedy’s sit down with George Lucas.

Despite my discontent with that sort of analysis, I occasionally found myself in an interesting discussion regarding a common aspect of post-modernism (post-modernity? after-nowishness? tomorrowism?): Self-awareness.

Self-awareness can be utilized if a few very interesting ways to strengthen a story or message. There’s play within a play, breaking the fourth wall, writing in the writer, pastiche, or several other methods of equally inside baseball. Recently, I’ve been watching several movies that have used the concept to their advantage. Such titles do more than stand on their own, they teach audiences about the creative craft by commenting on medium, genre, process, and, occasionally, the audience itself. In no particular order, here are a few of my favorite meta movies:

Seven Psychopaths

Seven Psychopaths is the second feature length film written and directed by accomplished playwright Martin McDonagh, who evidently has a thing for Colin Farrell in leading roles. In the movie, a struggling writer (coincidentally named “Marty”) attempts to produce an atypical screenplay (coincidentally entitled “Seven Psychopaths”). Ring any self-awareness bells, yet? Marty begrudgingly seeks inspiration from the people around him. His best friend Billy in particular, who along with his partner Hans (Christopher Walken) kidnaps dogs from wealthy neighborhoods and returns them for rewards. Eventually, Marty discovers that they’ve all been a bunch lunatics all along.

While it has notes of action movies and comedic elements, it’s ultimately a movie about writing. Marty wants to avoid the pitfalls of the stereotypical, ultra-violent Hollywood psychopath while the movie conspicuously adds sequences inspired by such cliches. The characters, in discussing Marty’s potential screenplay, are able to discuss the movie you are watching and determine which of the many different paths it could follow. This self-awareness culminates in a climactic sequence involving shootouts, drama, and the fulfillment of many different dreams. It leaves you a bit conflicted about what you just saw, but in an intellectually stimulating way.

McDonagh’s first feature film, In Bruges (which is also excellent), has a few small self-aware winks as well. In particular, when Ray Fiennes’ character responds to the reasonable question “Why don’t you both just put your guns down and go home?” with “Don’t be stupid. This is the shootout.”

Adaptation

Adaptation is another movie about writing a movie. Unlike Seven Psychopaths, its self-awareness is less about the writing process and more about the character(s) involved. Writer Charlie Kaufman is direct about including a fictionalized version of himself played by Nicolas Cage (one of his best performances). As he struggles to adapt Susan Orlean’s non-fiction book, The Orchid Thief, into a feature film, he allows his struggling twin brother Donald (also played by Cage) to move in with him. Much to his dismay, Donald finds success in the screenwriting field by conforming to every tired cliche you could imagine. While this in and of itself is a commentary on Hollywood, the film’s resolution is less about the problems with Donald’s actions and more about Kaufman’s own flaws.

In parallel, we see the events of The Orchid Thief occurring as a movie within a movie, but also learn a fictitious truth (how’s that for meta?) about Orlean and her subject, the backwater Orchid hunter Laroche.  They were having an affair. Kaufman and Donald find themselves intertwined in the “reality” of Orlean’s situation and things quickly get out of hand. On some level, there’s a commentary on reality versus fiction, but it can get tricky to parse amidst a fictional adaptation of a non-fiction book. Thanks to its amazing performances and quirky tone, Adaptation is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.

The Cabin in the Woods

Horror movie junkies will notice a lot of familiar cliches in The Cabin in the Woods, or at least in half of The Cabin in the Woods. The film centers around a group of college friends who are literally pigeonholed into stereotypical roles (athlete, virgin, fool, etc) by a secret organization determined to sacrifice them to prevent the rise of apocalyptic old gods. Writers Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard use this organization (and, to an extent, the old gods) as a direct reference to the audience. They carefully observe the events unfolding at the Cabin, not with cold, calculating indifference, but with emotional investment. They feel for the characters as if they themselves were watching a movie.

Of course, they also display a depraved negligence towards many of the horrible events they witness, which is a statement in and of itself. As the protagonists make their way closer to the truth, the movie starts to dance around larger ideas including the quality of mankind as a whole. Despite the brushes with seriousness, Cabin is also tremendously entertaining, with strong performances from both the college kids and the secret organization. Even if horror isn’t your bag, this one is worth seeing.

South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

Somewhere in the midst of discovering they were really funny and irreverent, Matt Stone and Trey Parker realized that they were also pretty damn smart. When South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut hit theaters in 1999, audiences got a little more than we were expecting. In addition to being a shameless, over the top musical of epic proportions, the plot of the film also loosely mirrored the circumstances surrounding its own release. The movie dealt with the issue of censorship on a surprisingly serious level. When the Terrence and Phillip movie comes out, the boys’ parents react much like older, more civil generations would react to South Park. This provides a strong window for commentary about how art and entertainment interact with society. How do we treat material that makes us uncomfortable? What is the difference between tolerance and acceptance (an issue further explored in a much later episode)? By making the movie about the controversy of the movie, Matt and Trey get the first word in on any discussion about the film.

Of course, there’s also Saddam Hussein’s penis, Satan singing what is effectively a Disney song, a war with Canada, and a fantastic musical number about what Brian Boitano would do, but that’s beside the point. This movie kicked off South Park’s semi-intellectual streak in a big way, boldly showing how Matt and Trey would keep their content fresh and relevant for the next decade (and then some). Highly recommended.

Did I miss any? What are some of your favorite meta-movies? Comment below.

The latest Bond flick takes center stage as the G1 panel reunites to discuss Skyfall.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Rob, Jon, Christin

Table of Contents:

Part 1 – Start – 13:20:
- Intros + Theater experience
- Bond retrospective

Part 2 – 13:20 – 37:45:
- Skyfall, is it M’s movie?
- Let’s talk about Silva
- Bond’s arc

Part 3 -  37:45 – End:
- Skyfall flaws
- Final thoughts and ratings
- Open discussion
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is the James Bond Theme by the John Barry Orchestra.

Break two audio is Skyfall by Adele.

The panel discusses NBC’s on again off again niche hit, Community.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, Jon, Michelle

Table of Contents:

Part 1 – Start – 18:00:
- Intros + How much Community have you watched?
- The state of the show, TV
- Life after Dan Harmon

Part 2 – 18:00 – 43:15:
- How has the show changed?
- Favorite episodes
- The main ensemble

Part 3 – 43:15 – End:
- Minor characters
- Final thoughts
- Open discussion
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is from Community’s version of Kiss from a Rose.

Break two audio is Community’s Rap 101.

In time for Skyfall, a look back at Ian Fleming’s top 5 most interesting Bond girls (yes, they exist)

For recent generations, Bond has been a strictly cinematic institution, a Hollywood pursuit – which is a shame because Mr. Fleming’s original writings are really something to behold (so that’s what it feels like to be “the-book-is-better” guy). One part tantalizing travelogue, another part Cold War fantasy, and three parts old, racist great uncle bending your ear; they are rich, pulpy, espionage tapestries. Bond on film became a genre standard that is inexplicably now chasing Bourne… but Bond on the page? It feels like Mad Men stirred in a bubbling cauldron of Marvel Comics. Let’s be honest, that sounds awesome (and it so totally is).

One of the more subtle wrinkles lost during Bond’s leap from the page is his varied cast of of love interests. Sure, Fleming wrote quite a few vacant, doe-eyed vamps as Bond girls, but Bond films have by and large bobbled the opportunity to bring the few more interesting ones to life. The author’s misogynist leanings are well-documented, but his exceptions – whether to serve story, comment, or dynamic characterization – are not. So, just in time for the promising Skyfall, let’s declassify five of Fleming’s more fascinating feminine depictions, starting with:

5. Vesper Lynd from Casino Royale

Speaking of vacant, doe-eyed vamps, Vesper totally is one. But she’s the first one, goddammit, and that’s gotta count for something.

Before Bond became a smash, it was just one volume, Casino Royale, about a world-weary MI6 agent contemplating retiring from being a blunt government instrument in the cold, lonely world of espionage. Thanks to Vesper, his newly-assigned young assistant, Bond finally sees a way out: Love, marriage, and all that settling down rubbish. But Vesper’s enigmatic distance culminates with her shocking suicide in the book’s final chapters. She’s been a double agent the whole time, blackmailed by Soviets. Even though her Ophelia impression kept Bond from danger, Bond realizes Vesper, or the idea of Vesper, is probably a mirage for someone in his line of business. The last staggering line of the book (“The bitch is dead now”) feels less like the worst eulogy ever and more like post-humiliation male posturing. Bond was so occupied protecting his genitals from Le Chiffre, he forgot to guard his most vulnerable spot from Vesper: his heart. -cue live studio audience: awwwwww!-

If Casino Royale had been a stand alone volume, Vesper would be mildly interesting at best, but because Bond exploded into a series with continuity, her shadow stretches on after her demise. Is Bond a miserable womanizer because this is war and bros will be bros? Or is this whole government-funded globe-trotting tail festival history’s most righteous rebound? Either way you look at it, Vesper was there at kick-off and that trajectory wouldn’t have been the same without her. That gets her on the list.

Plus, she has a wicked tasty martini named after her.

4. Domino Vitali from Thunderball

Bond continuity can almost be split into two halves. Thunderball is the booming, gnarly debut of the S.P.E.C.T.R.E. half – and also the best Bahamas Bond yarn out there. Ursula Andress’ Honey Rider in the Doctor No flick might be pin-up gold standard, but Fleming’s Domino in Thunderball has that character beat by a nautical mile.

A lot of Ms. Vitali’s presence riffs on Bond girl go-tos: bikinis, athleticism, caged as the villain’s mistress, and initially unimpressed by Bond’s advances. Despite an oddly erotic scene in which Bond must suck sea-egg spines from Domino’s foot (hot…?), his charms dry out pretty quick. But something else turns her to his side: sweet, sweet revenge. As it turns out, Bond’s rival, Emilio Largo, secretly ordered the murder of Domino’s brother in the theft of nuclear warheads. Domino does not take the news well.

She briefly falls into damsel territory when she’s captured and tortured by Largo, but it isn’t until the climatic underwater scuba clash between gov’t agents and S.P.E.C.T.R.E. that she really earns her stripes. Cornered by Largo in the vicious battle and about to run out of air, Bond is only saved when Domino intervenes and HARPOONS LARGO IN F*CKIN’ THROAT. Jesus. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned – especially when you expose yourself in an internationally sensitive, terrorist-funded scuba joust. That’s like page two in the Bro Code, dude.

Bond girls are rarely even present for climatic showdowns and likely sidelined if they are. With Bond’s help, Domino is able to emerge from her gilded cage, but executes one of the most bad ass death strokes in the series to save Bond. No other Bond baddie falls by a woman’s hand – and for that, Domino falls at number four.

3. Kissy Suzuki from You Only Live Twice

Okay, so her name is “Kissy.” I know. But bear with me.

You Only Live Twice concludes the Blofeld trilogy – Bond’s three book struggle against the arch-nemesis who ran S.P.E.C.T.R.E and murdered his wife – and is one of the darkest books in the series. Mourning and despondent, Bond tracks Blofeld to a Japanese castle and holes up in a nearby fishing village. There, Kissy Suzuki, a former actress, schools him in the ways the community. I know, we’re dangerously close to Pocahontas/Dances With Wolves/The Last Samurai/Avatar territory here, but because of her film career, Kissy is more worldly and savvy – and quick to poke fun at Bond. She’s breezily accessible, not as some hot-to-trot farmer’s daughter, but in a self-assured tomboyish way. Kissy definitely sat at the cool kids table at school.

Things take a turn when Bond returns from his vengeful mission wounded and with amnesia. Kissy saves him, plays nurse… and the totally decides not to remind Bond of who he is! In black and white, this might seem deceptive, but considering what a sorry, heartbroken sonuvabitch Bond is at the start of this book, Kissy’s decision is an act of mercy. Bond emerges a new man, free of his demons. Better yet, Kissy is the spirited, frisky one – insisting on trips to town and experimenting with some kind of Japanese Kama Sutra book. Both mischievous and loving, Kissy injects a rare, ignorant bliss in Bond and might be the only woman who comes close to possessing him – and not the other way around.

Sadly, the fantasy lasts only so long – Bond’s demons re-emerge and drive him away… but not before Kissy starts to sense she might have to start pearl diving for two. I smell a spinoff!

2. “Trigger” from The Living Daylights

The Living Daylights is a short story, but might be the best Bond story ever.

Sure, it’s lacking a mutilated megalomaniac bent on global domination, but it’s the kind of micro lens on a concept that Hollywood would describe as “gritty” and “psychological.” And it is. But it’s also contained, tense, and funny. Assigned to assassinate a sniper operative known as “Trigger,” Bond spends three days pacing and drinking in crumby hostel, waiting for Trigger to appear and paired with insufferable company man. Turns out it’s easy to kill a man in the heat of a fight-or-flight moment… but stewing over plans to do it for three days sucks a whole bag of dicks.

Then, after the tireless monitoring of an orchestra pacing in and out of the building in question, Bond finally spots Trigger… and sees it’s the orchestra’s cellist: just a young girl trying to defend her side of the Berlin Wall. Bond makes the split-second decision to fire on her gun and not her, just to frighten her – a call that douchebag pencil-pusher is eager to report to MI6. But Bond is zen in his decision. It’s one of the few times Bond disobeys directives without redemption and reveals of sliver of empathy – there’s no getting laid or advancing the mission here, just genuine principle. She’s a story device, yes, but few other female Bond characters inhabit the illuminating narrative space that Trigger does.

Note: Recently, “The Living Daylights” story is packaged in the anthology titled “Octopussy.” WHICH! By the way, is the name of an actual pet octopus and not some ‘buy-seven-and-get-one-free’ harem discount. So there you go.

1. Special Branch Agent Gala Brand from Moonraker

Moonraker has it all: a tense gambling sequence, a Nazi villain, and a giant goddamn warhead. It’s also a Fleming work of notable exceptions: it’s the only Bond novel entirely set in the UK and contains the only Bond girl never adapted for the screen (who also manages to avoid being seduced by Bond).

That’s right, Gala Brand never falls into the deep icy pools of ole’ James’ eyes. She comes close at one point, but fate (and missiles) intervene and she recovers her composure. Truth of the matter is Gala doesn’t have a lot of time to get swept off her feet. When James is sent to investigate Hugo Drax, Gala is already embedded in Hugo’s staff. That’s right, Comrade Bond – you ain’t even the first spy all up in this piece! Gala continues to exercise further bad-assery: uncovering murder clues, discovering the true trajectory of the warhead, and ultimately helping to sabotage its launch. Hey, James? Go ahead and take a knee. Gala sews the whole thing up with not a goodbye kiss or bedroom eyes to Bond… but a handshake.

Given the world of Bond, one might assume that a woman that rejects him is frigid or somehow evil or deranged (or in the case of Goldfinger‘s Tilly, an angry lesbian), but Gala never feels like an oppressive stereotype. She is attracted to Bond. She is vulnerable. She is over her head. But the Moonraker plot keeps her proactive and driven. She’s brave and capable. And the final reveal that she’s actually been engaged the whole time not only speaks to the internal dilemma she faced as Bond’s partner, but also suggests that pairing with Bond isn’t this adventure’s reward – returning to her life is. Not too shabby for a book named after a massive phallic symbol.

Bond maintains the spotlight in Moonraker, but no other book has such a satisfying female presence. And with the number of Bond book characters ripe for movie adaptation dwindling, Gala Brand is far overdue for the silver screen. MGM, Columbia – get on this.

So what lovely ladies did I miss? From the books and films – which women deserve a top five spot?

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Rob, Christin, Jon

Table of Contents:

Part 1: 0:00 – 17:50
- Intros / How familiar with the Walking Dead are you?
- Zombie stuff
- The Pilot and what follows

Part 2: 17:50 – 46:05
- Rick vs Shane, who’s the better leader?
- The Other Survivors
- The CDC Stuff / Zombie Logic

Part 3: 46:05 -
- Season 3!
- Final Thoughts
- Open Discussion
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is the theme to AMC’s The Walking Dead.

Break two audio is the song “Zombie” by the Cranberries.

I swear, I could come up with these all day.

You have good DOTA Caruso puns? Feel free to post them in the comments.

Cloud Atlas finally came out this week and, honestly, it looks like a bit of a hot mess. As fellow Gosu contributor Rob said on twitter:  ”We didn’t know what kind of movie you’d like, so we made all of them.” That plus some racist undertones make it seem like the book is just one of those things that can’t be adapted. Not that that’s ever stopped a director from trying, successfully or not, to film the unfilmable.

Of course, what makes something unfilmable (or just damn hard)? Some criteria:

• Too Big – It’s not just the wide vistas and huge crowds, Hollywood’s been able to pull that off since the epics of its infancy. But a serious, non-silly live-action adaptation of Lord of the Rings seemed to be impossible to shoot. The story is too complex, the world is too huge, there are too many different cultures and too many weird side trips. LotR wound up being a giant success, but it took three movies and even with major cuts. Plus it was helmed by the richest man in New Zealand who already had a strong infrastructure behind him to create a multitude of armor and sets. The likelihood of someone being able to pull off a rival adaptation any time soon? Slim to none.
• Unwieldy – The cousin to “Too Big”, Unwieldy is when the subject material, not the setting, is too complex. Alexander the Great lead a compelling life for sure, but Oliver Stone’s Alexander tried to fit all of it in one movie and wound up being a confusing jumble. You could separate out his Persian campaign, or of the mutiny and wounding in India; his relationship with his mother, his father, or both; his relationship with Roxane or with Hephaestion or with the Persian eunuch Bagoas (ALLEGEDLY). But it’s the life of one man and all these exploits influenced each other; the omission of one story line makes the others confusing. Not to mention there is little surviving historical record of a man who lived thousands of years ago in a starkly different culture from our own. Too many mysteries and loose ends, coupled with the falling popularity of sword and sandal flicks. New adaptation? Unlikely.
• Too Bookish – Some works are just married to the form. Sure, there could be camera shots to portray the disorientation in House of Leaves or voice over to cover the footnotes in everything Terry Pratchett has ever written but it’s just not the same, is it?
• Too Silly- A picture may be worth a thousand words but words are powerful too. The words and style used can be more evocative than simply seeing the thing. Lovecraft writes about spaces that do not follow the bounds of human comprehension and creatures that to look upon them is to know madness. How do you portray that? A puppet? Technology is effin’ amazing these days but mo-cap is to puppets as an mp3 is to an 8-track: More advanced, but the content is the same.Stephen King, no stranger to adaptations with goofy puppets, says in his book On Writing:
  

  “Look — here’s a table covered with a red cloth. On it is a cage the size of a small fish aquarium.  In the cage is a white rabbit with a pink nose and pink-rimmed eyes. In its front paws is a carrot-stub upon which it is contentedly munching. On its back, clearly marked in blue ink, is the numeral 8.

  Do we see the same thing?  We’d have to get together and compare notes to make absolutely sure, but I think we do.  There will be necessary variations, of course: some receivers will see a cloth which is turkey red, some will see one that’s scarlet, while others may see still other shades.”

  The variations are key. If something is horrifying… how? It’s different for anybody. Lovecraftian horrors are Hogwarts Boggarts in a closet, they’re Schrodinger’s monster. The second you draw back the curtain and oh, it’s just a giant spider (that’s obviously made out of clay)? The effect is lost.

• Too Boring – Handily subverted by Adaptation. The Orchid Thief is a book about flowers. How the hell are you supposed to adapt that? They’re flowers. Unless they want Seymour to feed them, it’s nothing doing.

Clearly, since I used examples, these types of books aren’t UNfilmable, it’s just advised against unless you’re mega-rich and ambitious or you’re a mad genius like Charlie Kauffman. Usually the trick is to find the story (who thought the story of Facebook could be so compelling?) or find what people love about the source. If what people love about a book is its bookishness (Terry Pratchet’s footnotes), it’s best just to let that lie. A built-in audience can be a tempting cash-grab but nothing is worse than a horde of nerds scorned.

The Wachowskis certainly have the clout and ambition to handle the tough subject material, but do they have the restraint to find the core of Cloud Atlas instead of using every effect they have up their sleeves? What they don’t appear to have is the trust in their audience, that they will get a story about recurring lives without using the same actors over and over, even when the character’s race is different each time.

There’s a reason there’s a new Austen or Bronte adaptation every ten weeks: simple, timeless stories with a built-in act structure, minimal casts and the same five locations on a moor. Cut, print, that’s a wrap.

What else should be deemed unfilmable? What gets adapted too much?  What was just a lousy adaptation? Vent in the comments, it’s a safe place.

Five horror movies on Netflix Instant that are actually watchable.

Forget OnDemand. Amazon Video. And definitely Qwikster. I may be of the last generation that still remembers childhood perusing through the local video rental store, but that doesn’t mean that Netflix isn’t totally freakin’ awesome. Never before have any of us had such an incredible access to cinema. But as Netflix Instant, the streaming arm of Netflix, includes more and more films, the archive begins to resemble more of a wasteland than a library. It takes me nearly as much time to find something as it does to actually watch it.

Nowhere is this truer than the horror section. Scary films always had the corner market on direct-to-video fare, and Netflix Instant Horror is now bloated under the weight of the genre’s blood-splattered, worm-filled glut (seriously, how many films does it take to remove these Children from the goddamn Corn?). Now that it’s Halloween time, the slightest browsing slip could turn your grease-painted cuddlefest real lame, real fast. Like 28 Days Later zombie-fast. So, submitted for your approval, here are five legit Netflix Instant horror films (discovered after way, WAY too much exploring) just in time for All Hallows’ Eve:

The Innkeepers
Written and Directed by: Ti West

Ti West has been the indie horror guy to watch ever since his first film, The House of the Devil (also on Netflix Instant and worth a watch). Unlike the slow-burn throwback of his initial work, West edges into more contemporary territory with The Innkeepers, the story of a young inn clerk who uses the slow weeks before the off-season to ghost hunt her own place of employment. Of course, she finds more than she bargains for in a well-earned climax that is one of the most unnerving depictions of ghosts in recent memory.

Cover-Your-Eyes moment: The final shot, a long, silent set-up of an empty inn room, is West’s understated, lo-fi approach in a nutshell. I had to step through it one freeze frame at a time to keep my pants dry.

Monkey Shines
Written and Directed by: George A Romero

Monkey Shines started off as a ironic bookmarking of truly absurd logline: “Quadriplegic Allan Mann gets in-home care from Ella, a super-smart monkey who starts anticipating Allan’s thoughts and acting out his desires.” Netflix machine: BRING ME THE CRAZY. But the film ended up being a rollicking good time, a thriller that transcends the schlocky ’80s style that sinks so many other films of that time (Hey, isn’t that cousin Ira from Mad About You?). Monkey Shines probably works well in group viewings, where snarky ’80s lampooning and kick-yourself jump scares can go hand in hand.

Cover-Your-Eyes moment: Allan’s final confrontation with the syringe-weilding Ella climaxes to a brutal death via one of Allan’s last working muscles. It’s both gnarly and speaks to the theme of overcoming dehumanizing circumstances in film you wouldn’t even expect has anything to say in the first place. Also: so that’s what monkey tastes like.

Lake Mungo
Written and Directed by: Joel Anderson

I put on Lake Mungo expecting a white noise and ended up captivated for the entire run time. The fake documentary of a young Aussie woman’s drowning and her family’s grief is a convincing watch, perhaps more as a drama than horror. It sports crackerjack acting, found-footage scares worthy of the first Paranormal Activity, and unexpectedly frightening shots of unoccupied household rooms. Seriously. Just long, creeping pans into vacant bedrooms – it’s like Terrance Mallick made a horror mov– IS THERE SOMEONE IN THAT CHAIR!?– Oh, okay. There isn’t. But, holy shit – there totally could have been, you know? There are no jump scares in in Lake Mungo, but it’s got intrigue and creepiness for days, mate.

Cover-Your-Eyes moment: Late in the film, the family discovers footage that Alice herself shot shortly before her death at Lake Mungo. Separated from her friends in the desert wasteland, Alice uses the camera light to catch up with them, resulting in the most frightening found-footage scare I’ve ever seen.

Cropsey
Written by: Joshua Zeman
Directed by: Barbara Brancaccio & Joshua Zeman

Aw yeah, we’re about to get all academic and shit in this scare-fest with bona fide documentary. For those of you who don’t know, on Staten Island, “Cropsey” is an urban legend – an escaped mental patient who periodically emerged from the woods to snatch up children who were never heard from again. That’s all fine and fun until 1987 hit and a child with down syndrome was actually abducted. The directors of Cropsey delve into their own childhoods and an ever-unraveling criminal case of the man arrested for the crime – and the abduction of many others. Cropsey is a real-life scary story that examines the blurry lines between camp-fire story and fact, with increasingly surprising results. Watch it.

Cover-Your-Eyes moment: After discovering an actual mental facility dilapidated in the local woods, the filmmakers find horrifying exposé footage (hosted by Gelrado?) chronicling the disturbing conditions in which patients were actually housed in. It’s not an easy watch.

The Woman
Written by: Lucky McKee & Jack Ketchum
Directed by: Lucky McKee

If you got a crowd cool with controversy than The Woman might be the way to go. Gory, uncomfortable, and sharp with commentary, it’s a horror slasher with a major feminist lean. The controversy arises because, despite its commentary, many deplorable things happen to women during the film – really terrible stuff. Stuff that is ultimately, gloriously avenged, but still – the film is a long, bloody row to hoe. I’m even uneasy typing “hoe” right now. I wouldn’t fault anyone for turning The Woman off, but because the idea of a “message film” disguised as a slasher is so unheard of – and that its concluding thesis is so fascinating – I’m going to mention it. Watch at your own risk (and don’t end up like this guy):

Cover-Your-Eyes moment: In one of the most evocative moments of the film, after Chris Cleek gets the woman safely secured in his shed, he quickly learns how dangerous she is when she bites off his ring finger, crunches down on the severed digit, and spits his bloody wedding band back in his face.

The modern eSports media environment has evolved at an unprecedented pace. Gamers now consume media provided directly from players via streaming services like Twitch.tv or Own3d.tv, and tournaments are now more accessible than ever. Popular YouTube casters accumulate tens of thousands of views for every video posted. They promote themselves, players, specific games, and a culture of interest for hobbyists and professionals alike. Over the past three years, global eSports has skyrocketed. Thanks, internet.

This environment has also changed the world for game developers, bringing unprecedented access to publicly-released materials while they’re still in development. Case in point, Blizzard’s Heart of the Swarm expansion beta. Recently, there’s been a flurry of activity throughout the online SC2 communities ranging from TL, to Reddit, to Twitter and back about the desperate need for players and pro’s to come together and “#SaveHOTS”. Comments have ranged from highly specific, well-researched observations to hyperbolic, arm-chair criticism of Blizzard’s work ethic.

The truth is that many of those saying that Heart of the Swarm needs saving are correct. The game has considerable flaws that will need to be addressed. Equally true, however, is that this is NOT an unusual circumstance for a Blizzard beta. Rather, it’s par for the course. What separates HOTS from past betas isn’t the quality of the game, it’s the widespread scrutiny of the online audience and a larger Western Pro-Scene than ever before.

Let’s look at some history:

Starcraft and Brood War

Before the official “beta” of Starcraft, it’s widely known that the game was a jumbled revamp of Warcraft II. After a considerable gutting, the game was reborn with a unique engine that allowed its designers to implement far more sophisticated abilities (like unit burrowing and interceptor launching, etc.). However, the game had a long way to go before it became the artfully balanced ballet we all look back on so fondly.

When the vanilla game entered it’s official beta, there was a litany of mechanics, units, and abilities that would all require drastic changes. Marines were called “Marauders” and had a grenade launching ability. Wraith air to air missiles could hit ground. Every Zerg building produced its own larva (for its specific units). Goliaths had flamethrowers and could shoot missiles at ground units. Valkyries were in the game. High Templars had a ranged attack. The list goes on. Even at its peak, the original Starcraft was viewed as an imbalanced game (according to Artosis). It took a long, long time for Blizzard to get to a place where the game could be considered balanced for competitive play.

While Brood War had a significantly less tumultuous beta (there were a few changes to the new units), the game evolved more significantly after its launch. Take a look at the patch history, specifically starting around 1.04. There are over 60 balance tweaks in that patch alone, including a substantial overhaul to the Carrier. At the time, Brood War was also a considerably slower game with a much more volatile skill ceiling. Blizzard didn’t have the data pool they do now from players ranging from bronze to GM to pro-level. Making adjustments to the game was a more straightforward process and it still took a considerable amount of time to polish.

Warcraft 3 and The Frozen Throne

The original Warcraft III is so drastically different from the latest version of the Frozen Throne that I have trouble considering them part of the same evolutionary lineage. Hero stats functioned completely differently (as in, 1 agility then was not the same as 1 agility now). Armor and damage levels were practically inverse. Items were a jumbled mess. Creeping was a lottery with random drops that were immensely powerful. The sort of play we eventually saw between Grubby, with his Blademaster and Wolf Riders, and Moon, with his Demon Hunter and Druids of the Talon, was nowhere to be found. Take a look at the compiled patch history.

In the old days of vanilla, Human players could use brilliance aura to maintain virtually unlimited mana (the ability was a % modification instead of a numeric bonus, allowing from much greater amplification). Undead necromancers could virtually FILL the screen with skeletons thanks to an insanely low cooldown. All siege weapons locked on to their specific unit targets instead of points on the map. Mostly, Battle.net was a race to see who could figure out the latest OP exploit to create an unstoppable killing machine. It was kind of great, in its own special way. Could it have worked in the modern eSports environment? Absolutely not.

In the TFT beta, Spellbreakers underwent some pretty drastic changes (initially they were pretty broken, too strong). The defensive capabilities of the Mountain Giant took it from super-tank, to over-nerfed, to just right over the course of several months. Every single ability of each new hero also underwent several smaller tweaks before creating a satisfyingly competitive gaming experience. Take a look at all of the changes in the launch patch. Blizzard used the beta to experiment pretty wildly, then made heavy modifications in time for the full release.

Wings of Liberty

Most of us probably remember the early days of WoL, when professional-level Zerg could lose to a single reaper in a bunker and Void Rays stuck terror into the hearts of players everywhere. You can view all of the beta patch notes here. Let’s talk about the Roach, though.

In the beta, the Roach started with 2 armor and cost 1 supply, meaning you could build an absolutely crap ton of them and marines could barely tickle them. It was ridiculous. Blizzard realized the error of this and appropriately nerfed the unit in time for release. Of course, it later became apparent that Roaches had become underpowered for its role, so they subsequently patched in a range increase. Siege Tanks, similarly, showed themselves to be too dominant against all ground forces and a damage tweak in a post-launch patch. Who could also forget the long, storied history of fungal growth? An ability that is now the hallmark of any Zerg late game composition, but was initially twice the duration with different damage mechanics. Maps also played a pivotal role in the path toward a more balanced game, as Destiny points out in this fantastic blog post.

Bottom line, the game was wildly different at ALL skill levels ~30 months ago. Getting it where it is today was a result of evolution, not revolution.

So why is this worth pointing out? Should people be complacent when Blizzard delivers unrefined gameplay that hampers their enjoyment? Should professionals not subject what they see in HOTS to, well, professional scrutiny?  No. It’s perfectly reasonable to debate and discuss the relative merits of Heart of the Swarm, or any new game. Hell, if you keep in mind it doesn’t have a release date yet, go to town.

What you should NOT do is assume that all hope is lost, that the game you once knew and loved is spiraling down the (Archon) toilet, or that Blizzard can’t pull off a great game after several months of wild experimentation.

Just remember, they’ve got a pretty solid track record.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Rob, Jon

Table of Contents:

Part 1: 0:00 – 17:50
- Intros + What’s your favorite series?
- What is AvX?
- Was it a disappointment?
- What, if anything, worked?

Part 2: 17:50 – 43:35
- Was the Phoenix the right way to go?
- Characters
- How could this have been improved?
- Consequences and Marvel NOW

Part 3: 43:35 – 58:40
- Final Thoughts
- Open Discussion
- Wrap

Audio Credits:

First break audio is the Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes theme by Guy Erez & David Ari Leon, performed by Bad City.

Second break audio is the theme to X-Men by Ron Wasserman.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Marcus, Jon, Michelle

Table of Contents:

Part 1: 0:00 – 20:55
- Intros
- When were you first introduced to the Doctor?
- How accessible is the show?
- General thoughts/debate on quality

Part 2: 20:55 – 52:05
- Favorite of the New Doctors
- Companion discussion
- Favorite episodes, concepts, monsters, and moments

Part 3: 52:05 – 1:19:19
- The most recent events / Series 7
- Would you go with the Doctor?
- Final thoughts
- Open Discussion
- Wrap up

Audio Credits:

First break audio is the current theme to Doctor Who by Murray Gold.

Second break audio is a clip from BBC’s Comic Relief featuring Catherine Tate and David Tennant.

Spoilers for Arrow episode #1

What Arrow got right:

Action – From the get go, CW has been promising fans that this isn’t the Smallville of Green Arrow, that they’re in for something grittier and more action-packed. The fight scenes from the trailers boded well, and the pilot delivered. Arrow kicked off the series with three decent sized action scenes, all of which got me looking forward to more.

Pacing – One of the hardest things about a pilot is how to set up the show without going Phantom Menace on the exposition. The series smartly chose to skip over long stranded-on-the-island sequences and opened instead with Oliver getting rescued. Things moved at a good clip for the whole hour and while the “plot” of the episode got started a little late, Arrow’s first episode never left you room to get bored despite the occasional clunky moment.

Setup – While Oliver might have bolted his way through his origin story, Arrow did manage to tease a number of things without giving it all away. Tommy Merlyn’s ulterior motives, Speedy’s substance abuse, Drakon, some secret of his father’s that would be worth kidnapping Oliver to reveal, mommy dearest’s role in that kidnapping, and, of course, the Deathstroke mask. There are still plenty of questions left unanswered; most notably, the origins of Oliver’s smooth new martial arts moves and sudden grasp of Russian. The show succeeded in making me interested in finding out the answers.

Merlyn – Probably the show’s biggest departure from the comics, and also my favorite. There’s a lot of heavy angst going on, particularly with Oliver. Tommy lightens that up, walking that razor’s edge of over-the-top and playing the goofy best friend to a T. All of which is made better by the fact that the show is already giving us hints that there’s more to Merlyn than meets the eye, and I’m excited to see where they take him.

What Arrow got wrong:

Voice-over – The voice-over. Has. To stop. Has to. I assume that they’re going for a comicbooky thought-box vibe but it sounds ridiculous, and it pops up just randomly enough that you almost forget about it until it starts up again. It’s very jarring. Just letting Oliver have actual emotions would be a lot simpler and more enjoyable than his current, fourteen year-old emo inner monologue.

Clarity – Pilot episodes tend naturally toward infodump territory, so I can hardly penalize Arrow for that. The issue was that not all the information we got seemed to be the bits we needed. Diggle’s introduction, for example, could have easily been left for episode 2 since his sole purpose seemed to be getting knocked out or ditched whenever things were about to get interesting. One of the biggest head-scratchers for the fans I talked to was why Oliver’s first thought when he got rescued was about going home to clean up his city. I think it was supposed to tie in with his dad, but the through-line never became evident. It made his dedication to his cause seem less justified.

Likewise, there are a number of his island-learned abilities that, for now at least, don’t make sense. I have feeling that most of them are being saved up for an explanation in a later episode. In the pilot, though, instead of coming off as mysterious, they just seem like things the writers didn’t feel bothered to deal with.

Dinah – Yes, her name is Dinah, and that’s why we have a problem. I don’t blame Katie Cassidy, I actually think she’s a pretty good choice for the part. The issue is that this girl doesn’t seem to have

much to do with the Black Canary we know and love. Dinah, in comics, is like the befishnetted lovechild of BSG’s Starbuck and Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls. She’s kickass and adorable, with a soft gooey center that makes her stronger instead of weaker. She’s more than just an awesome female character, she’s an awesome character. I do not know who this vanilla lawyer chick is, but she ain’t my Dinah.

On the fence:

Emotional development – This one was hit or miss. The first scene where Oliver insists on going to see Laurel and they talk was nicely done. There were some dialogue issues (it’s still the CW), but the emotion behind it rang true – this is a woman who spent five years thinking her sister and boyfriend both died in the middle of sleeping together behind her back. Then, she suddenly finds out he survived it all. Of course she’s confused and angry, her grief cycle has been completely turned on its head. So then why does she show up at Oliver’s party saying that he can come to her if he needs to talk? I have no idea. Why did he seek her out only to turn around when she tries to befriend him and say that she should stay away from him because he’ll just hurt her again? Nope, no clue.

I will say that they actually did a much better job of this with Speedy – who is just as screwed up and conflicted about her brother’s sudden resurrection as Laurel, but also owns (and sticks with) those facts. She’s an impulse-control challenged seventeen year-old and she just might be the most self-aware character on the show.

Walter Steele – On the one hand, yay, a POC! And, on top of that, a POC who was originally a white dude in the comics! You almost never see race changes work that way, and the fact that they did it for a character who is depicted as smart and powerful is extra thumbs-up-worthy. Exxxxxcept for the fact that he’s a bad guy. (Even without knowing the comics character, this guy was obviously a baddie – he’s British! And playing Scar to Ollie’s Simba… er, I mean, Claudius to Ollie’s Hamlet!) So I applaud the effort, and the actor seems like he’s well-suited for the little bit of a part he’s had so far, but it still would have been nice to have some racial diversity that wasn’t evil or in a service profession.

Different names make it AU – The writers seem to really, really want you to know that this is not Justice League Unlimited or Smallville; that this is a whole different ballgame. Of course, they can’t really change major things about Oliver since he’s the main character. Instead, they’ve renamed a bunch of stuff.

It’s not that the name changes reflexively bother me because I can’t handle something being different from the comics; it’s that none of these changes seem to serve any purpose other than letting us know this isn’t DCU canon. The moment toward the end where Merlyn points out Laurel’s full name has no shock value because if you know the comics then you know who “Laurel” is meant to be, and if you don’t then the name doesn’t matter to you anyway. Likewise, naming Ollie’s sister, and implied sidekick-to-be, Thea instead of Mia (Speedy 2.0 in pre-N52 canon) is pointless. She’s clearly not a child prostitute, and has Roy Harper’s drug issues, so it doesn’t seem likely that fans were going to confuse the two characters – and on the off chance they were, naming her something nearly identical probably didn’t help. And Star City is Starling City because…? Nothing says ‘gritty action setting’ like songbirds?

Maybe something more will be made of these changes in the coming season, but right now I am side-eyeing them hard.

Green Arrowman Begins – This is maybe my biggest worry, but also one that could work in Arrow’s favor.

Green Arrow has some obvious parallels with the Caped Crusader – I’ve always thought his Batman knock-off status is why he was featured in Smallville in the first place – but Arrow is really leaning on the Nolan-vibe hard. That’s all well and good. There’s nothing wrong with a darker, more realistic reboot, but that doesn’t make it a good idea to make Oliver Queen into a broody Bat-clone.

In the comics, Oliver is a fun character – he doesn’t just put on the playboy image, he lives it, and he’s got all the swagger and wit that come with the look. He’s also a big freaking hippie who’s trying to change things from the inside, whether in the corporate world or the political one. He’s the Robin Hood of the DCU, self-appointed defender of the little guy, and it would be nice to see some of that thrown into the driven badass that we saw in Arrow’s pilot.

I think there’s a happy medium somewhere between boxing-glove-arrow camp and the “Smallville‘s bad boy brother” theme they’re working now, and I’m hoping the show will find it. Some levity could make for some really good TV.

So, is Arrow a hit? Well it got the highest ratings of any CW premiere in three years. How many of those viewers return next week will be the real test. With all the money the network has funneled into this show and its promotion, things will have to take a turn for the drastic for it to get cancelled before the end of season one.

Catch Arrow, Wednesdays 8/7c on the CW

Four reasons why Sinister is probably the horror movie to watch this season

It’s October, everyone! And you know what that means: our yearly dance through the horror film minefield is here once again. We scary movie goers all join hands and take those hopeful steps forward– not knowing whether we’re going to stumble upon something like Blair Witch or tip toe through something like Blair Witch 2.

So we approach 2012 with the same hesitance we’ve learned over the last decade or so– but what’s this? A trailer that looks terrifying? A second trailer we could barely get through? Proven credits? Strong festival outings? Solid reviews? Word of mouth? Damn you, Internet… our hearts have been broken before!

But these usual flags are only part of the equation for this week’s Sinister, the Scott Derrickson helmed (and penned, along with C. Robert Cargill) story of a true-crime writer who moves his family to a new house… only to discover super 8 films in the attic that star demonic symbols and the prior residents’ horrifying deaths. As ho-hum as it might sound on paper, Sinister might have more going for it than the usual Halloween cash-grab. Let’s take a finger-obscured look:

The monster has a face.

I just missed being in the generation of horror fans who grew up with Freddy, Michael, and Jason and it’s hard not to feel a little left out. Who has my generation had to fear? The Jigsaw dude who died three movies into a 7 part series? An Abe Lincoln who proclaimed “Four score and seven vampire heads ago?” The creaking door from Paranormal Activity!? Lord, I know we’re a vapid, entitled generation but I beg you, please don’t bestow to us horror villains vanquishable by a can of WD-40.

Enter: BAGUL. The Pagan deity of you shitting your own pants. This demonic dude resides within the very images in which he appears and I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if those images are *moving* (like, perhaps 24-frame-per-second type “moving”?)… that might be an issue. Bottom line: Hollywood has been scrambling for a tangible horror villain to hang its hat on. Bagul seems like a pretty strong bet, at least for this year. The dark horse? SMILEY.

Have no fear, Ethan Hawke is here.

The dude is criminally underrated. Whenever anyone thinks of Training Day, they think of Denzel Washington’s Oscar but usually forget that Hawke’s nervous co-performance anchors the entire film. Then there’s Gattaca, Reality Bites, Lord of War, and Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead. Even that vampires-have-taken-over-the-world flick, Daybreakers, has some surprisingly solid things in it. Hawke is one of them.

Whether it’s his acting talent, proven track record, or handsomeness that doesn’t feel like it was grown in some cyrogenic tube below Central Casting, I’m eager to see Hawke bring is particular brand of “everyman” scrappiness to a serious horror effort. I’d be lying if I said his mere participation didn’t look like a vote of confidence for the entire project.

The found footage is actually, you know, found.

I‘m the first to admit that the original Paranormal Activity really scared the pants off me, but found footage has become such a go-to fad that it’s difficult to believe that recent Dramamine-required outings were even “found footage” pitches to begin with. Entries like Chronicle and End of Watch are actually lessened by the fact that we’re constantly watching from A) where an in-focus HD camera just so happens to be present or B) a POV that breaks the rules from some ridiculous but totally cool angle. Yeah, I imagine a lot of cops probably affix iPhones to the end of their rifles before white-knuckled raids of an LA drug dens. “Siri, if we don’t make it outta here, tell my fiancé to always– FREEZE DIRTBAG!”

Instead of an imagined taping as the foundation of the entire film, Sinister puts the finding of said footage within the actual narrative– a decision so face-palmingly simple I want to hug the filmmakers. Of course, this isn’t the first time this has happened: 8MM, The Life of David Gale, and The Ring come to mind, and V/H/S, another creepy flick from this year, flirts with the idea. But none of these films have the strong alignment of tone, genre, and premise that Sinister hints at having. Let’s get those reels spinnin’.

It’s not trying to reinvent the wheel. 

Let’s face it: family in a new house, haunted footage, demons hungry for children… these are not new kids on the block, mis amigos. But there’s is a lot more to be said for a familiar idea done really well than people are willing to admit. For all our fist-shaking, blood-curdling calls for originality, turns out not a lot of us have a big appetite for green and purple ketchup.

Executing a fresh and resonate take on stuff we’re already comfy with is a feat in itself. You don’t have to look farther than this year’s The Tall Man as exhibit A, a Jessica Biel vehicle about a backwoods urban legend that turns out to be real (OR DOES IT!?). While perfectly competent, the film ties itself in knots trying to distinguish itself, leaving most of us wishing it had just stuck to the tried-and-true nuts and bolts the logline had promised. Sorry, well-meaning pretzel movie – it’s just that ya didn’t have to try so hard.

The Tall Man has been quickly (and harshly – it’s worth a look) ushered to the bargain bin, right along with all the green and purple ketchup. Meanwhile, this coming weekend, Sinister feels like it’s going to leave us dripping in ketchup the color God always intended: Red.

Wait– oh God, THIS IS KETCHUP, RIGHT!?

Featuring: Christin, Jeff, Jon, Michelle, Rob

Table of Contents:

Intros + Favorite Episodes: 00:00 – 08:15
How did this whole thing start, anyway? 08:15 – 11:10
DRINKS! (montage): 11:10 – 16:34
Serious Moments (montage): 16:34 – 1:01:00
Humorous Moments (montage): 1:01:00 – 1:28:02
Impressions (montage): 1:28:02 – 1:32:10
Ratings (montage): 1:32:10 – 1:35:08
Bloopers (montage): 1:35:08 – 1:38:15
Thanks You to Ben, Steve, and Marcus: 1:38:15 – 1:38:52
Topic Wishlist and Wrap up: 1:38:52 – 1:45:33

Check out our Episodes!

• Episode 1 – Avengers Preview
• Episode 2 – Hunger Games
• Episode 3 – Perspectives on Gaming
• Episode 4 – Game of Thrones (season 1)
• Episode 5 – The Cabin in the Woods
• Episode 6 – Game Show!
• Episode 7 – Avengers Review
• Episode 8 – Diablo
• Episode 9 – Battleship
• Episode 10 – Aliens and Adaptations
• Episode 11 – Game of Thrones (season 2)
• Episode 12 – Prometheus
• Episode 13 – Watchmen / Before Watchmen
• Episode 14 – 3D Animation
• Episode 15 – The 90′s!
• Episode 16 – The Amazing Spiderman
• Episode 17 – Fahrenheit 451
• Episode 18 – The Dark Knight Rises
• Episode 19 – Professional Starcraft
• Episode 20 – Total Recall
• Episode 21 – The New 52
• Episode 22 – Bioware Games
• Episode 23 – Star Wars
• Episode 24 – Fall TV
• Episode 25 – Dredd (3D)

Subscribe!

• via iTunes Feed
• via RSS

Ah, the cruel mistress that is The CW. On the one hand, they can skew heavily toward the tween soap opera both in content and quality. On the other, they have a history of doing more Sci-Fi and fantasy themed programming than most other networks combined. It’s also one of the only places on television a DC fan can hope to see their favorite characters in the flesh.

Way back in 2001, The CW (then WB) premiered a little show called Smallville. After a decade on the air, the show’s “Superman in high school… and, er, Metropolis but not as Superman” premise helped pave the way for new super-shows, like the soon-to-air Arrow. Despite some spotty quality-control issues, Smallville remained one of the top shows on the network during its run. With ten successful seasons, there’s plenty for a young superhero show like Arrow to learn from its rarely-caped predecessor, both good and bad.

Do I have to say spoilers for a show that’s been off the air for over a year? Well, SPOILERS!

What Smallville did right:

Incorporating the DCU:
Whether in the introduction of A-list characters or simple winks, Smallville managed to bring a lot of DC characters into the live action realm for the first time. Arrow shows signs of taking a page from that comic book. We already know Deathstroke will be making an appearance (ok, yes, he was on Smallville too, but only kinda), as will China White, and casting info for Huntress has been announced (I’m just putting this out there, you’ve got the makings of a great rebooted Birds of Prey spinoff there!). They’re off to a good start; with Oliver Queen’s position and resources, the opportunity to introduce others is practically endless.

Don’t overplay your hand:
One of the most frustrating things about being a fan of Smallville was waiting for Clark to turn into Superman. We saw a lot of his powers early on, but there were a few things that kept getting teased and teased but never quite happening (learning to fly, getting the suit, etc). Even his relationship with Lois was platonic-bordering-on-adversarial for seasons before any legitimate romantic interest was worked into the mix. Ultimately, though, slow and steady won the race.

Arrow has a good setup in Laurel (aka Dinah) Lance. In the comics, Dinah’s Black Canary is the kickass Juliet to Oliver’s badboy Romeo. She’s got a great back-story and a frequently tumultuous but always interesting relationship with Oliver. There’s plenty of material to keep fans in anticipation.

On the other hand, the show hasn’t even premiered and they’ve already teased Deathstroke, Huntress, a possible future Speedy and a couple of brilliant geek-casting moves with an unnamed John Barrowman role and a vague but tantalizing nod for Battlestar Galactica’s Helo, Karl Agathon. Done wrong, Arrow’s first season could very well turn into a cameo-athon. Patience is a virtue.

Don’t over-complicate the costumes:
This is one of the issues any live action interpretation of a superhero comic runs into. The simple fact is, there are things that work in a drawn medium that just don’t when you stick them on a person. While many of us fans were tearing our hair out waiting for Clark to finally finally finally put the S on his chest in Smallville, not giving us all that blue spandex (until that tiny blip at the very end) was probably one of the smartest plays the show ever made. Even the characters who showed up with real ‘costumes’ generally had more subdued versions, or thematic reimaginings, of their comic looks – one of the rare times when a smaller budget probably did them a favor, considering the disaster when they tried to do a full-on Hawkman costume.

From the trailers and promo images, it looks like Arrow’s done a pretty decent job of that so far – it helps that, up to now, he’s the only one on the show who we’ve seen actually wear a hero costume – so we’ll just have to keep our fingers crossed that as more crimefighters enter the world, they’ll keep up that trend.

Don’t get stuck on canon:
Two words – Lionel. Luthor. Regardless of how you feel about characters like Chloe and Tess (who was secretly Mercy and you cannot convince me otherwise), all of Smallville’s original characters are validated by the existence of the awesomeness that was Lionel Luthor. Likewise, Smallville did a lot of canon rejiggering to get the characters and circumstances they wanted to fall into order (for example, Clark faced Zod not once, but twice in the show’s canon, long before he ever put on the cape). Arrow already seems to be laying the groundwork for this by complicating Oliver’s family dynamics and playing with Dinah-sorry, Laurel’s back-story. Time will tell if those changes will work out.

Evolve:
The seasons where Smallville struggled most creatively were the middle few where they kept trying to find an excuse to keep the show grounded in, well, Smallville. They did so despite the fact that practically everyone in town had been a kryptonite-irradiated monster of the week at some point and the entire “high school” cast was almost 30. Lana started dating a teacher and got possessed by the soul of a witch and then married Lex because they were having a baby only not really and… it was bad, ok?

But then Smallville did a very smart thing, they ignored their title and actually let Clark start doing some real heroing in Metropolis. There was still some seriously zany stuff going on in the later seasons (remember that The Hangover rip-off episode?), but opening up the world gave the show a lot more room to breathe. That’s something a show like Arrow – which runs the risk of getting bogged down in all-Starling City/Queen Industries/Laurel romance-all-the-time – definitely needs to keep in mind.

Mistakes to learn from:

Be careful with canon:
Deadshot’s Smallville appearance was the Deadshot readers knew in name only, a waste of an otherwise great character. Same deal with Mr. Mxyzptlk (an exchange student? Really?). Or when Jimmy Olsen died and we found out at the funeral that he had a little brother who was also, apparently, named Jimmy and was destined to be the ‘real’ Jimmy Olsen (because that’s a thing that makes sense). Oh, and remember those couple of episodes where Clark fell in love, got married, was widowed, and then we never mentioned that girl again? Yeah, you don’t have to be bound by canon, but don’t shoot yourself in the foot with it either. Remember, Arrow, you’re supposed to have great aim.

Diversity:
Smallville actually did a decent job between giving Clark an African American best friend in the early seasons and by giving Lana Lang a hint of Asian heritage. Unfortunately, as the seasons wore on, Clark’s crew started to look a lot more like the cast of a Land’s End catalogue. The advantage that Arrow has is that its cast of characters aren’t as rigidly defined. Even people who know nothing about comics know Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen, but Oliver Queen’s world is more of a blank slate. This leaves a lot more room to play around with things like race, orientation, even disability (Nope, I’m not leaving the Oracle thing alone, I want a Birds of Prey series!)

Ladies who don’t want to bone the hero:
This one’s a pet peeve of mine. On a list of ‘significant ladies of Smallville who had no apparent interest in getting on Clark Kent’s junk at any point’ there was Clark’s mom, his cousin Kara, and maybe Tess (I think. Tess’ perpetual bedroom voice and tendency to talk in code sometimes made it kind of hard to tell when she was hitting on people). At a stretch you could include Stargirl and Waller. Other than that, every other vagina Clark was in proximity to for an extended period of time started to pay attention. It’s possible this was an unexplored Kryptonian power.

Oliver, unlike boy-next-door Clark, is a known ladies man. So far, the announced cast for Arrow includes a version of Dinah Lance, the woman Green Arrow eventually marries; Huntress, a well known patron of the amorous arts; his mom and sister; and John Barrowman, who I have to keep reminding myself is not necessarily playing a bisexual just because he was Captain Jack – even though I’d totally watch that.

There’s nothing wrong with playing up the romance angle. Having seen the Stephen Amell shirtless more often than I’ve seen him clothed by now, I can’t blame anybody for wanting to break off a piece of that. It would be nice, however, to have a non-relative gal or two around who’s presence didn’t have to be validated by Oliver’s penis.

Explore the world:
This one goes back to the evolution we talked about earlier. I have a theory that whoever built the barn set for Smallville had it in their contract that the show would use that set at least once per episode. Even long after it stopped making sense (Clark and Lois work in Metropolis but they commute out to Kent farm every night?) the show kept right on using their old mainstays. Sure, there are money constraints and you have to keep the budget down, but the DCU provides the opportunity to go to a lot of interesting places, especially with a billionaire like Oliver as our lens. Metropolis, Central City, Cost City, (dare I say it?) Gotham – there are so many opportunities for a show willing to step out of its prescribed setting.

Writing:
Sigh. This is the biggest one, and probably the one with the least hope of correcting. In the words of my boyfriend, “Smallville had one core deficiency throughout it’s run – the writing.” And as much as some of us, many of us, loved the show, I don’t think there’s a fan out there that can deny it. It wasn’t always bad, but when it was, there was no way to ignore it. Floundering plots, dialogue from the first day of Screenwriting 101, more deus ex machina than you could shake a stick at.

Then again, I don’t know of a CW show you couldn’t say that about.

Where Smallville lucked out was that it had a handful of actors who elevated some of the middling mess (no lie, my underwear would still fly right off my body if I met Michael Rosenbaum, and Erica Durance was Lois Lane). Arrow could be in trouble on this front – the primary writing team’s credits include Dawson’s Creek, Everwood (remember that show?!), No Ordinary Family, Wrath of the Titans, and the flop heard round the world, Green Lantern. But, uh, they have some good actors, so maybe it will be OK? I don’t even know, guys.

Bat-family:
Ok, fine, this is a pipe dream. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be amazing! Warner Bros. is famously protective of The Bat, (which is why his existence was never even hinted at in Smallville, despite the fact that the original pitch was for a Bruce Wayne series) but now that Nolan has finished his run with the Caped Crusader and we’re between Bat-media, it would be a perfect time to work with some of the non-Wayne members of the Bat-fam. You’ve already got Huntress, which is a great start, but a little Nightwing wouldn’t be hard to work in here or there (don’t talk to me about timeline issues – they already have Huntress, Nightwing works just as well). How cool would it be to have the looming spectre of Oracle on the fringe of the show’s awareness? (No, I will not stop pitching a Birds of Prey show and you can’t make me!)

So that’s what the show could do, should do, with any luck, will do. The concept and some of the early action footage for Arrow has been promising. Could we see an underrated comic character make it big on the small screen? I hope so. It’s still The CW and I, like many a beleaguered CW-show fan, have learned it’s sometimes best not to get my hopes up.

Arrow premiers, October 10, 8/7c.

Moderator: Jeff

Panel: Marcus, Rob, Christin

Table of Contents:

Part 1: 0:00 – 17:00
- Intros
- Favorite Action Movies
- The Stallone version
- Initial Impressions of Dredd 3D

Part 2: 17:00 – 41:40
- Anderson discussion
- Ma-Ma discussion
- Favorite moments

Part 3: 41:40 – 1:14:42
- More favorites
- Stuff that was lacking
- Ratings
- Open Discussion
- Wrap up

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is a clip from the 1995 “Judge Dredd” movie dist. by Hollywood Pictures

Break two audio is from the trailer for “Dredd 3D” dist by Lionsgate

Moderator: Jeff

Panel: Rob, Christin, Michelle

Table of Contents:

0:00 – 3:05 – Intros
3:05 - 20:50 – TV, what’s the deal with it? Favorites, least favorites, etc.
20:50 - 35:30 – Discussing the Revolution pilot
35:30 - 37:30 – Doctor Who (Michelle)
37:30 – 41:55 – The Walking Dead (Rob)
41:55 – 45:40 – Elementary (Christin)
45:40 – 51:40 – Other including Grimm, Boardwalk Empire, Arrow, and Dexter
51:40 – END – Open discussion, wrap up

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is from the Revolution TV trailer.

Break two audio is the opening theme for the BBC’s Doctor Who from 2005-2007 by Murray Gold.

http://youtu.be/yYz0JWJioOM

Rachel: First thought: PREEEEEETTY!

Christin: Hahaha it is extremely pretty. Almost too pretty. Very very fantasy-ish. The Original Trilogy had more grit.

Christin: And just typing Original Trilogy gave me Star Wars prequels PTSD.

Rachel: I was thinking that! (About the OT, not Star Wars.) I felt my eyes widen and started saying “Ooooo! Aaaaah!” in my head. The other 3 had some beautiful scenery, but not like that. Maybe it’s because they’re doing it in 3D? They want to make it look as amazing as possible?

Christin: There were definitely a lot of swoopy shots and hairpin turns that make it look like it’s optimized for 3D motion sickness. But I guess that’s better than adding 3D as an afterthought.

Christin: When the fuzzy animals showed up, that’s when I really thought wow, this movie’s going off the rails.

Rachel: Awww, fuzzies! I don’t really remember any fuzzies in the book…..

Rachel: Sorry, back on topic, yes, doing 3D from the get-go was a much better choice. I think it’s going to be beautiful, and I will probably need to take some ibuprofen before I watch it.

Christin: I’m going to pack Dramamine and those pressure-point wristband. Because at the midnight showing of The Hobbit, I want to look the nerdiest!

Christin: They did actually shoot this with 3D cameras using some highly technical lenses and things that I really don’t understand. I just know it makes the behind-the-scenes pictures look really goofy with everyone watching the monitors in those Star Trek glasses.

Rachel: I watched some production clips a month or so ago, and I was fascinated by the strange camera work that goes into the 3D. I was also fascinated to see the makeup and costuming in completely off colors, due to the way it comes out differently in the film when you actually watch it. And of course, I thoroughly enjoyed watching people wear the glasses WHILE filming. It’s just silly to look at!

Christin: As a regular-glasses wearer, I prefer 2D though. I can extrapolate depth in my own mind, thanks.

Rachel: I agree about the 2D. I wear contacts, but obviously when I’m going to a midnight showing of something, glasses are necessary, and wearing 3D goggles (because let’s face it, they really are goggles) is not comfortable. I also don’t like leaving the theater feeling like I just stepped off a cruise ship.

Christin: LOL. And sometimes I steal the glasses.

Christin: My biggest takeaway of the whole trailer was that Bilbo displays some extremely poor judgement. Not a guy you’d want to take with you to a casino. He’d lose his shirt and then try to get out of there by reading a poem or something.

Rachel: RIGHT?! How is it “fair enough” that Gollum gets to eat him if he wins?

Rachel: Honestly, I thought that through the whole book, too. He makes a series of not great decisions…but somehow always pulls through in the end. At least he has that going for him! Although, I’m not convinced that the dwarves wouldn’t have been better off without him. Hard to say.

Christin: You read the book recently, I don’t think I’ve touched it since 8th grade. All I remember are the big troll scene and Riddles in the Dark. So… I dunno, how does it look, story-wise I guess?

Rachel: It looks pretty good. I mean, that troll (it was a troll, right?) at the end looks scary enough. Clearly, Gollum is looking and acting consistent to the character we all know and love, so that’s good. I enjoyed the impression given that the dwarves aren’t exactly excited to have Bilbo come along with them, because that is certainly the case. There’s a lot of Gandalf yelling “Because I said so!” throughout the book with regards to choosing Bilbo to accompany them, and that was apparent in the trailer as well.

Rachel: The book itself isn’t that long, so dividing it into three movies leaves me wondering where they’re going to choose to pause between each one, and how they plan to fill up the holes that might be left by spreading it so thin.

Christin: Delving (too greedily and too deep) into the appendices. And spending time with those characters that true devotees love. Like Radagast the Brown… I could care less. And cutting Tom Bombadil from Fellowship was that best decision Peter Jackson ever made. YEAH I SAID IT.

Rachel: You can say it. I’ll agree. I found myself with glazed eyes as I was reading about Tom Bombadil in the book, the last thing I really wanted was to see it in film!

Christin: Also, the Necromancer, which I guess is Sauron while he’s lurking around Mirkwood. Which I also couldn’t care less about except it’s Benedict Cumberbatch so now I’m trilled.

Rachel: I don’t know what I read of the appendices (if I read them at all). I suppose this means I’ll have to now. At least I know that Peter Jackson isn’t going to lead me astray with some crap he just made up for fun. I trust that whatever he puts in is legitimate. So maybe I’ll just skip the appendices and roll with it.

Rachel: And of course, Benedict must come into the conversation!

Christin: He is the Necromancer AND Smaug.

Rachel: SMAUG! Yes, we must discuss Smaug, the grumpy old coot!

Christin: And of course he’s in Sherlock with Bilbo/Martin Freeman/John Watson. I wonder if those connections are going to be distracting. Maybe just to me because I’m laser-focused on him.

Rachel: Probably just distracting to you.

Christin: Smaug likely won’t make an appearance in this movie though.  I bet shots of a giant dragon are going to be kept under lock and key until the last possible second.

Rachel: I agree. I doubt he’ll appear in this first film at all. Or if he does, it will be right at the end, as a parting gift.

Christin: BLAZE OF FIRE! And a massive cliffhanger for half a year.

Christin: So what IS going to be in this movie? I bet they’re going to make Riddles in the Dark last forever since it’s so iconic and just cut between that and the dwarves battling… something. One riddle! Back to dwarves. Another riddle! And the dwarves again! For like an hour.

Rachel: Well that’s pretty much how the book is, so why not?

Rachel: We’re going to start off in the Shire, obviously, with Gandalf visiting Bilbo, and hardly giving him any information. Then the dwarves come in, and also hardly give him any information. I bet that first part is going to take about a half hour, maybe 45 minutes. Then they’re off on their journey. They do some prep work, head out into the countryside, see the sights, make their overall game plan. That’s another half hour, so we’re already up to at least an hours worth of movie. Now they actually hit the road, and there’s a lot more road to hit than necessary, I assure you. They meet up with the trolls, go chill at Rivendell for a bit, then head to the Misty Mountains, which is where Gollum is, so we know they at least get this far. After they get out of the mountains, they head into Mirkwood. If I had to guess, I’d say our first movie stops here, before they even enter Mirkwood. However, if they DO enter Mirkwood in this movie, I don’t think we’ll see them get out until the next movie. I doubt we’ll get to see Lake Town until number two, and therefore, no Smaug until number two.

Christin: Why does the world conspire to keep Benedict Cumberbatch off my screens for so long?!

Rachel: Because they know how much you love him and want to keep you on the edge of your seat! Duh.

Christin: They’ve already released pictures of Leggy’s daddy so they must venture into Mirkwood a little. Or someone does, since Gandalf is off doing his own thing or whatever.

Rachel: That’s good to know. I’d be shocked if they get out of Mirkwood in the first movie. That seems to be pushing the timeline too far ahead to make three movies possible.

Christin: They’ll just end the movie when they first arrive. Shot of Orly. CREDITS!

Christin: What did you think of the trailer overall? There seemed to be a lot of hype but it wasn’t really anything new and sorta whelming. Not underwhelming, just whelming.

Rachel: Hahaha, “whelming” is a great way to put it. I agree, nothing really new in there, but yet still keeping the interest, overall. If I was a person trying to decide whether or not I was going to see this movie, that trailer probably wouldn’t sway me in either direction. No, that’s not entirely true. I guess it would nudge me toward seeing the movie, since it DOES look so PRETTY! Just sayin’.

Christin: Kili and Fili look so pretty.

I am a big fat phony.

Before the Abrams movie, I knew there was a guy named Kirk, a guy named Spock, and they were trekking. I only knew Stan Lee form his cameo in Mallrats. I hadn’t seen a frame of the Alien series until two weeks before Prometheus premiered (except the chest-burster scene, but who hadn’t?).

Pop culture is so heavily referenced now that it’s almost possible to get by without actually consuming the media. I’ve said “Game over, man. Game over” plenty of times with no clue as to its origin. The ratio of the number of people who have said “I’ll be back” in a ridiculous Austrian accent to the number of people who’ve actually seen Terminator is at least 2:1. How many people caught that Tale of Two Cities reference in The Dark Knight Rises without having read the book?

A couple years ago, comedian Patton Oswalt wrote a piece for Wired complaining (among other things) that media is too easy to come by these days. With all these comics, shows, and movies placed online, nothing is obscure anymore. Anyone can become a nerd.

It is possible to go from zero to self-proclaimed super-fan in about a week. Maybe less, depending on the amount of free time you have and the strength of your internet connection. Read a few wiki articles, lurk a couple message boards, stream a few fan vids, and follow the right tumblrs and in no time you can be squeeing with the rest of ‘em. But never ever doubt that you are a newcomer. I thought I had a good handle on the Sherlock fandom: I’d watched all the episodes at least twice, I’d started reading the novels, I’ve known who Rupert Graves was for a while. Girl please, I had nothing. When the episode themes were teased by the show creators a few weeks ago I was left completely in the dust by all the fan theories.

It seems like the rule of the internet (and probably life in general) is there is always someone who knows more about what you’re talking about than you do. Follow-up rule: they will be more than happy to correct you. I had friends who were horrified to realize I had only read Fellowship of the Ring before I saw the movie (Boromir’s death was extremely confusing to me). I was dealing with people whose parents had read Tolkien to them for bedtime stories. Clearly, I am an inferior fan.

So, how do we rate fans? What is the hierarchy?

• Faker – Is vaguely aware of the subject material, laughs indulgently at inside jokes, knows what a Tardis is but doesn’t have time to catch up on decades of seasons you guys, c’mon.
• N00b – Rampant love. Hasn’t read/watched the source material but the dvds/books are in the mail! Just so happy to be here you guys!
• Quick Study – Has read/watched all the source material but more recently than they’d like to admit. Is almost a n00b and deeply ashamed of it.
• Finger on the Pulse – Saw the trend coming and boned up fast. Has read/watched everything there was to see just in time. Extremely rare.
• Second Generation Nerd – Was raised on Tolkien/Doyle/Trek/whatever. It’s in their blood. They have the advantage of cool parents who started them off young.
• Old Hat – Created fan-zines in high school. Has been waiting for the movie adaptation for years. Nothing can touch this level of devotion. Don’t even try. They were there when someone wrote the first Kirk/Spock slashfic, they’ve seen it all.
• Creeper – Has shrines in the basement. Actually WROTE that slashfic. This level is to be avoided.

There are Con attendees, cosplayers, fanfic writers, and fanart creators at all levels. That’s the thing: you love what you love, no matter when you start or how deep you dive down the rabbit hole. Art and culture can have a profound affect on us at any age. I wrote those distinctions with a light heart, fans are fans.

I recently joined an Arthur Conan Doyle reading group because I’m a Sherlock N00b, but I’m looking to improve. The group leader has an annotated copy of the complete works in a beautiful binding that I covet. Why? I don’t have any right to want that, I haven’t even read everything. It doesn’t matter, I love what I’ve read so far, and I love the show. The idea that I have to put in a specific number of hours before I can call myself a real fan is an antiquated one. I don’t have to pay dues because I fell in love with something. Yeah, I’m late to the party but I brought an extra case of beer to liven up the place before everyone goes home to watch the news.

Sure consuming media is easier than it used to be, but it’s still work. I may have downloaded the complete works of Arthur Conan Doyle to my Kindle in seconds, but I still have to read them. It’s a pleasure, of course, but it is a time commitment. Lord of the Rings is mainstream now but the percentage of true enthusiasts is about the same as it ever would have been. Just because someone has seen LotR doesn’t mean they’re going to glut the market with their fandom. It doesn’t even mean they’re going to read the books. Some people can just watch a movie and walk away. That’s fine too, their emotional love is doubtless spent elsewhere. That leaves more serious fans to indulge in their fics and theories.

We N00bs have one advantage over the Old Hats, though. While they are counting the seconds between sequels or seasons, we’ve got tons and tons of other books or shows to catch up on.

At least, that’s how I initially felt about Doctor Who.

I mean, come on, the longest running science-fiction show EVER? As of September 2012, the show has aired over 785 episodes covering 225 unique stories. It has been an establishment in nerd-dom since 1963. How do you start preparing yourself for a series like that? Where do you begin? Is such a huge commitment even worth it?

The answer is a resounding yes.

So, with the debut of the seventh season (of the 2000’s revival) this month, I’m here to tell you there’s no better time than the present to become a Who fan. It doesn’t take long before you fall head over heels in love with the brilliant, fast talking Doctor and his magical time machine. It’s helpful, though, if you know a few things before you dive right in. Here are 10 important bullets to prepare you for the epic saga that is Doctor Who.

1) Dr. Who exactly?

The show follows the adventures of a titular alien, traveling under the pseudonym of “Doctor”, from the planet Gallifrey. The Doctor looks physically human, but is physiologically very different (he has two hearts and is capable of completely regenerating his body). He possesses a dizzying intellect, holds an expertise in virtually every subject from medicine to cheese-making, and fosters a deep love for humanity. He travels through time and space with a companion, hoping to show them the universe, but often ending up in a wild, mostly dangerous, adventure.

2) The Doctor is old.

Really old. We’re talking older than Yoda. It’s often said that the Doctor himself isn’t sure exactly how old he is. Last time he was asked, his reply was about 1103 years. Although the Doctor faces death, destruction and likely extermination in virtually every episode, he’s survived this long due to a time lord’s unique ability to regenerate. Near the time of his death, he can heal himself by completely remaking his body. This takes a massive amount of energy and appears to be very painful. The Doctor said once that, barring any terrible accidents, it might be possible for him to live forever.

3) “Fezzes are cool” and “Fish Fingers and Custard”

The current Doctor, as portrayed by Matt Smith, is in his 11th regeneration. Although each Doctor retains the memories and experiences of the previous versions, his personality, likes and dislikes, tastes and mannerisms change with the regeneration process. For example, 10, as portrayed by the truly gifted David Tennant, preferred the exclamation “Brilliant!” and “Allons-y!” while 11 (Matt Smith) is partial to “Geronimo!”. His outfits also change. Number 4, (Tom Baker) is fondly remembered by his signature scarf, while 11 is partial to bow-ties. Even his accent changes, as 9 (Christopher Eccleston) is remarked to have a distinct Northern dialect. A friend once recommended I watch the first episode with each Doctor to get a feel for the show. It’s something I completely endorse, unless you don’t like picking favorites.

4) Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey… Stuff

The Doctor is capable of traveling to almost any moment in time or any place within the universe (and sometimes, outside of the universe). The Doctor has traveled from the Big Bang to the year ten trillion and back again. Traveling through all known time and space is bound to get a little hairy, so there are some general rules. You’re not able to alter certain, fixed historical points. The Titanic always sinks and, try as you might, you can’t kill Hitler. You also can’t cross over and alter your own timeline to prevent yourself from getting into craziness in the first place. Sure, there are paradoxes and times where the rules are treated more like guidelines, but there are consequences (nothing big happens, just the universe exploding; you know, no big deal).

5) It’s Bigger on the Inside

He travels in a “borrowed” type 40 TARDIS (Time and Relative Dimension In Space) transporter. The Ship is old and often prone to break downs and technical malfunctions.  For example, the craft’s chameleon circuit cloaking device is broken and the TARDIS appears as a 1963 London Police Box. This insignificant, unassuming blue call booth is actually a gigantic vessel, complete with a library, cafeteria, squash courts, swimming pools and, of course, a control room. Although the Doctor has been flying with her for roughly 900 years, the TARDIS often fails to transport him to his desired place or time, exchanging pristine vistas and calm beaches for settings where his help is truly needed.

6) He Can’t Do It Alone

The Doctor travels with companions. Often a young, human, female, and frustrated with their dreary, earth bound, day to day monotony. There have been many notables, including the current couple: Amelia Pond, “the girl who waited”, and Rory Williams “the last centurion”. Companions keep the doctor going and keep him moving forward (figuratively, of course).  They offer friendship on long, lonely journeys. They motivate him. More often than not, however, they fall into a trap or danger and need to be saved by the Doctor. The Doctor is often torn between his guilt and anxiety of endangering his friends and the chilling solitude of traveling alone.

7) He Can’t Save Everyone

For the children of Britain, it’s often joked that Doctor Who is typically experienced while hiding behind the sofa. A few episodes into the series, it’s not too hard to understand why. There are some really scary villains and our protagonists often find themselves in very tough situations. People are trapped and they suffer. Sometimes, people die. The Doctor does his best, but he can’t save everyone, not all the time.

8) He’s a Warrior

Generally, time lords are taught to practice non-intervention when traveling through time and space. The Doctor, however, cannot tolerate cruelty and injustice and is will do whatever it takes when threatened. Although generally considered a compassionate character and a champion of non-violence, he is a veteran of many brutal conflicts. He is one of the only known survivors of the last Great Time War, between the Time Lords and the Daleks that destroyed Gallifrey. Other villians, mostly aliens, exist like Cybermen, Weeping Angels, rogue Daleks and the renegade Time Lord, the Master. His primary “weapon” against these brutes is his quick wit. He doesn’t have a gun, a laser or a blaster. He does, however, have a sonic screwdriver. It’s a multifunctional tool that can pick locks, perform body scans, and sometimes disable weapons. But mostly there’s just lots (and lots) of running.

9) He’s Very British

The humor can be very dry, but don’t let this dissuade you. This show has been a UK pop culture staple for so long that the current writers, actors, and producers all grew up with some exposure to the Doctor. Steven Moffat, head writer and executive producer, told Entertainment Weekly that he’s been watching it for ages and loves being a part of the show. It’s obvious, too; since Moffat has taken over as head writer, we’ve seen a depth and development to the characters that wasn’t present in earlier seasons. The production value is also amazing, and it’s refreshingly clear that the people working on the show genuinely care about it.

10) The Doctor is Streaming on Netflix

You can stream all of the episodes since the 2005 revival right now on Netflix.  You can also start in medias res by catching the episodes as the air on BBC and BBC America Saturday evenings at 9pm EDT. Many of the older episodes can be found, too, but you might have to do a little more digging. If you want to start at the very beginning, here’s one of the best guides to setting up your queue I’ve seen.

So, what are you waiting for?  Time to start that not-so-new adventure that’s been captivating hearts and minds for generations and that’s sure to keep you glued to the computer for months.  Check out #newtowho on bbcamerica.com/doctor-who and we’ll see you right back here after the Christmas special!

They really are a keystone species.

A few months ago the nearly year long maiden story arc for the “New 52” Batman title, The Court of Owls, wrapped up strong. So strong it left a lot of people, myself included, hungry for more.  After a few filler issues, the next major story arc featuring none other than Batman’s greatest nemesis, The Joker, will kick-off.  Should you be looking for an exciting new story to get into, here are five reasons to jump into the batmobile and take a trip to Gotham.

1.) The Title

I’m not entirely sure how intentional this was on Scott Snyder’s part, but the title is clearly reminiscent of the pivotal 1980’s storyline “Death IN the Family”, in which Robin #2 (Jason Todd) is killed by the Joker.  One can assume that being just one word off, we are going to see big things happen in this story involving the Bat-family.  This would presumably include Alfred, Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, Commissioner Gordon, and perhaps Catwoman.  It would be a very bold move indeed to bump off or even critically injure one of these characters. People would be talking about it for years to come.  If we don’t see anybody in a body bag or wheel chair or at least pretending to be dead and running off to a cafe in Italy sipping Fernet Brancas by the end of this, I’m gonna be disappointed.  I think Snyder is going to give us one hell of a roller coaster ride.  Speaking of Scott Snyder….

2.) Writer: Scott Snyder

This young, hot-shot writer seems to do no wrong.  His voice is pitch-perfect for Batman.  In both The Court of Owls and 2010′s Batman: Black Mirror, Snyder keeps everything feel very cinematic and focused.  Unlike other recent Batman story arcs, things don’t seem lost in a sea of continuity and inter-mingling characters and backstory.  What he does that a lot of comic writers don’t is make the stories character driven instead of big event driven (cough MARVEL AvX cough).  With Synder helming “Death of the Family”, we can expect a clear, refreshed take on the Joker. One that will heavily influence subsequent Joker stories.

3.) Artist: Greg Capullo

Whew, where do I even start.  I’m gonna open this by stating that I may be just a tad biased because this guy is my favorite active artist and one of my top three of all time.  I’m in the process of snatching up as much of his previous work as I can, including Haunt, his creator owned book “The Creech”, and Spawn (yeah, I’m buying Spawn books, I like him that much).  What Capullo does best is bring an awesome, gritty, energetic style to Batman and, like Snyder, a very cinematic feel to the visuals.  All through Court of Owls, I kept thinking “Man, this could be a Nolan movie”.  For my money, you can’t ask for too much more than that in a comic.  If you are familiar with any of Capullo’s previous work, you can tell that he is more than capable of putting out some twisted, scary artwork. Naturally, it’s safe to say that he can give us one HELL of a scary looking Joker.  He’s been slowly releasing teaser sketches on Twitter and from the little glimpses I’ve seen, it looks appropriately creepy.  He is a great fit for this new, darker Joker.

4.) The Premise

In the first issue of “The New 52” Detective Comics, the Joker is captured by Batman, taken to Arkham Asylum where his face is subsequently cutoff by a new villain known as The Dollmaker and gruesomely pinned up on the wall like a paper mask.  So….yeah.  That should make for one hell of a starting point for Scott Snyder.  However, I think it also makes for a big challenge.  In the last few years, post The Dark Knight, Ledger-Joker, the character has taken on a much more sadistic horror-movie serial killer vibe as opposed to the classic “Clown Prince of Crime” persona.  With this newer, ‘horror movie’ take on the character, I feel like a write can end up pigeonholed. Okay, he’s a mass murdering, sadistic, killer that takes great joy in killing people in terrible horrific ways, what else ya’ got?  It’s this issue that I Scott Snyder will be so good at handling, and hopefully he’ll do something different that is still true to the spirit of the character. I’m expecting more than just some SAW-like torture porn.

5.) It’s the F*cking Joker

My above concern aside, it is still The Joker, the most famous and arguably greatest comic-book villain of all time. Because he’s in such good hands with Snyder and Capullo, we are likely going to get a breath of fresh laughing gas (like we got with Ledger’s Joker). This team can provide a new angle on the character, with perhaps a new motivation that we haven’t really seen before, while still staying true to the malevolent spirit we know and love.

“Batman: Death of the Family” hits shelves Wednesday October 12th, and believe me that date can’t come soon enough.

I’m still tweaking and polishing a few things here or there, so the site may evolve a little more over the next several days. For the most part, though, we’re back in business! Check us out on twitter and facebook and keep an eye out for new articles, podcasts, and comics.

Dakkadakkadakkadakka. Boom! Boom! Boom! Dakkadakkadakka. Boom!

When it comes to overwhelming chaos and generally bad-assery, nothing compares to the feel and tone of Borderlands. I have to admit, it was my favorite shooter on PS3. Now; we’re getting a new one. On September 18th Gearbox Software and 2K Games are releasing Borderlands 2, which has a litany of tweaks, modifications, and some straight-up overhauls of the original. Let’s take a look at the big ones point-by-point, shall we?

Class Structure

There are 4 different classes (Gunzerker, Siren, Assassin, and Commando), with a 5th (Mechromancer) becoming available via DLC Oct 19th. Most of the major archetypes from the first game are still around, but a few innovations are very encouraging. A big one is each class’s new ability to ‘support’. In Borderlands, the solider was a must-have class because it was the only class that could resupply ammo, heal, and revive. Any party without a supporting solider was handicapped in a big way. Now, everyone gets in on the support role: The Siren can heal, the Commando’s (read: solider) turret still helps out, the Gunzerker can tank and taunt and well… the Assassin is an assassin. But still, this will hopefully free up co-op players (by far the best way to play) to create more diverse and interesting parties while still being well formed.

Endless Leveling

That’s right, no level cap on this mofo right here. No. Level. Cap. As you kill (and there will be a lot of killing) you complete challenges, which in turn give you “badass points” which can be spent on stat boost ON ALL YOUR CHARACTERS. This I suppose is to counter the feeling of hopeless farming that plagued pre-patch 1.4 Diablo III.

Multiplayer Tweaks

A noticeable difference between Borderlands and Borderlands 2 is the focus on really elevating the online and multiplayer aspects. A major leap in online gaming is owed to FPS’s like Halo and Call of Duty, which helped popularize the joy of playing with your buddies in the room against the online network at large. This give players the visceral fun of sitting next to each other while avoiding accusations of ‘screen-peaking’. Nothing really excites me more than the ability to grab a friend, synergize a perfect fighting team and take our skills online.

Besides involving support roles in all the classes, Borderlands 2 also features a gun-sash to hold valuables and a more advanced trade system to trade between players. This brings player interaction and trade at the forefront of the game, encouraging social gaming (and no, I don’t mean Farmville). My hope is that trade and gun economy can become a vibrant, accessible aspect of the game. In Diablo III, at least a minor in economics is required to use the auction house at higher stages. BL2 will hopefully avoid that.

Hundreds of Different Monsters, 87 Gazillion Guns

One of the chief complaints about Borderlands was that the monsters weren’t varied and, after a certain point, all the guns pretty much look like every other gun. Apparently Gearbox took this complaint very seriously. This image proves they wanted to throw a billion different types of threats at the player. This stepping-up also shows that the studio wants to do something more ambitious with the world, and create a bigger experience than the fairly Spartan adventure Borderlands had to offer.

All in all, this game is shaping up to be a big step forward. With a 9.0 from IGN and a 98 on Metacritic, it seems to have hit the mark. They’ve kept the trademark tongue-in-check humor and the patented ultra-violence. There are plenty of smaller changes, including an increase in diversity of areas and a buff to grenades. Hopefully the modifications, both big and small, will make the cement the Borderlands series as my favorite shooter of all time.

Biggest Heartbreaker

Hoyt, oh Hoyt. I honestly don’t know which True Blood writer sold their soul to allow them to stumble into the miracle of genuine empathy that was Hoyt and Jessica’s relationship (Hessica? Joyt?), but it seems that the contract was up this season. Hoyt’s had a rough couple of years (or as we call them in True Blood time, “days”) , but Season 5 really put him (and his fans ) through the ringer. Now it seems we’ve truly lost him (you really made him debate killing Jessica, True Blood? Really?). The harshness of the Yukon’s got nothing on Hoyt’s mama, but he got in a couple of final tear-jerker moments with Jessica and Jason at Merlotte’s before setting off for colder pastures.

Saddest R.I.P.

Honestly, up until the finale, I had pegged the too-soon loss of Roman Zimojic as the biggest True Death bummer of Season 5. But then Russell’s death happened before the freaking opening credits of the finale and I had to pause my DVR to scream an endless, clothes-wrending “NOOOOOOO!” to the sky. Russell was easily the best big-bad that TB has ever had. After two intense seasons of awesomeness, this big, climactic moment felt like a dud. The last time we lost Russell they had to burn him alive with the sun and bury him in concrete. This time they stabbed him with a tree branch. Climax fail.

Honorable mention to Christopher Heyerdahl, who has an amazing voice and tortured people on this show, which in my head means he was secretly still Alistair from Supernatural.

Biggest Waste of Time

True Blood has always had a knack for throwing in a couple dozen superfluous characters and giving them all a storyline even though it has nothing to do with anything. This season was certainly no exception, but how to choose? Jesus’ disembodied head? The fight for packmaster of the Shreveport pack? The Obamas? The inter-dimensional fairy nightcub? The hot minute that the show made us try and care about Holly’s teenaged sons? All of them took up valuable screen time and contributed very little. But no, this season, the award for ‘WTF did you just do with that hour of my life?’ goes to the Ifrit, for encompassing a set of the most annoying True Blood habits – it was pointless, it forced a supernatural element into something that was already a perfectly dramatic human conflict (having PTSD from Iraq was enough) and it made me like one of my favorite characters less. Terry raised a baby armadillo named Felix and is in one of the only functional relationships in Bon Temps, I will not accept this assault on his character, True Blood.

MVS (Most Valuable Set)

Historically, Merlotte’s has gone largely unchallenged in the realm of ‘all the scenes happen here’ – I’m with Andy; somebody would make a killing if they opened a second restaurant in Bon Temps -  but this season, we may have crowned a new non-gendered-location-monarch. The Authority Boardroom! We’re given the impression that there are lots of rooms hanging around the Authority’s secret underground lair, but virtually everything worth paying attention to managed to happen in the this ancient, impractically-moved temple. So here’s to the vampire boardroom, for showing us that even if you’re a millennia old vampire, you’re still never going to get out of that meeting.

Best Gratuitous Nudity

On True Blood there’s always plenty of material to work with, but this year’s addition of Lilith The Naked Blood God takes the cake. Possibly the best thing about dear Lilli is the thought process that clearly went into it. “Yes, a hot, naked chick covered in blood!  Yeah, yeah, get a model or something, we want her to be irresistible. Oooh, but give her a big bush, because she’s wild.” Honorable mention to the full-frontal boardroom dinner and the human livestock pens – because vampires hate it when their meals are clothed.

Best Couple

Who will Sookie choose? Yeah, yeah, yeah, over it. Jessica and Hoyt have been the couple of my heart for the last few seasons, but this season I was spending my shipping energy on Edgington/Newlin 4ever. Russell was the best as vampire sugardaddy, and Steve was the inexperienced, boycrazy girl from every high school movie. They even had cutesy couple pictures made of them with their kidnapped werewolf puppy! I would have watched  a show entirely about them.

Best wardrobe

Pam and Tara’s S&M Mommy and Me outfits. In my headcanon Pam crawls out of her big pink coffin every night and lovingly lays out ensembles for her and Tara, matching up their little spikes and alternating colors so they’re twinsies without going all matchy-matchy (I also choose to believe that whoever’s the Tim Gunn of fetish wear would approve). The shifters complete lack of wardrobe (was there one single episode that didn’t have a naked shifter in it?) came in a close second. The fact remains, though, that every night Pam and Tara wake up and put on theme wardrobe. And really, isn’t that what love is all about?

Best sex scene

Again, when it comes to sex, True Blood will always provide. There was nothing quite as dramatic as the Exorcist head turn sex (ah, vintage TB) but there were still plenty to choose from. I’m just going to go ahead and let my bias show here and choose Eric and Nora’s sibling reunion in the storage container; both because I really missed hot, half-clothed, evil Viking Eric last season and because it got a surprising amount of backlash for the pseudo-incest element. Plus, they managed to pack it into the season premiere, which, if Game of Thrones has taught us anything, is exactly where sibling fucking belongs.

Worst sex scene

I’m tempted to go with the other Eric/Nora shared-sire lovin’, the one after their shared Godric vision, because really, what was that? This is not my viking vampire sex-dungeon master! But surprisingly (or not, True Blood has always excelled in this arena) TB managed to top itself with the Bill/Salome-Lilith-Sookie sex scene. I was actually on vacation with my parents when this show aired (yes, I watch this show with my parents) and my mother looked over at me and asked “Why did she turn into Sookie and Lilith?” All these weeks later, I still honestly have no idea. Add to that the fact that this is a pairing with essentially zero chemistry and that I spent the whole Lilith segment of it pitying the set dressers who had to replace the red-sugared sheets every take. This scene made for an excellent excuse to get up and open another bottle of wine.

Biggest flirt

Despite being, ostensibly, over 2,000 years old, which in vampire terms ought to make her several brands of awesome at beating people up and… whatever else that being old makes vampires good at, Salome has dedicated her extended stay on the third rock from the sun to being the best of the best at getting people to sleep with her. And hey, if I spent all my time around people who looked like Eric and Bill, that’s probably what I’d do too. Life well spent, Salome. I salute you.

Best Pam-ism

“You don’t know me that well, my mad face and my happy face, they’re the same.”

Strangest Musical Interlude

Somebody on True Blood was having more fun than usual this season picking out the music. From the little romantic interlude during Bill and Eric’s stint in the trunk to Russell and Newlin dancing to Katy Perry amongst the bodies of drained frat boys, the soundtrack has certainly been played up. Easily the most incongruent, though, was the credits music for the episode “Everybody Wants To Rule the World”. I actually like this cover, but still, weeks later, I cannot for the life of me figure out why we got a punk-pop jam playing over the last thirty seconds of a dramatic slow-motion betrayal scene.

Best Use of the Way Back Machine

Why didn’t we have a Russell-Roman Renaissance flashback? Why? Well, fine, deprive me of my joy then, TB. We did get some legitimately interesting backstory on Eric and Pam’s relationship. With the bonus benefit of once and for all proving and vampirism didn’t make our beloved Pammy who she is, Pam just made fangs look good.

Most Practical Agency for Vampires

Let’s face it, vampire life comes with its little annoyances. Being stuck hiding out for half the day, humans who want you dead, never being able to enjoy the wonder of bacon again all come to mind. The biggest pain in the ass, though, has to be when some acquaintance/enemy/random minion gets the True Death all over your throw rug. As such, this particular nod to practicality made me smile – let’s all give it up for the hardest working vamps in The Authority, the True Death Clean-Up Squad.

So how do we feel about the season that was? For my money, it was an improvement over last season’s muddle, though certainly not without flaws. Then again, the love-hate relationship we fans have with the show has become as much a hallmark of True Blood as the signature beverage itself. The big question now is where the future will take our favorite Bon Temps residents, with a new baddie on the scene and a new hand steering things behind the scenes. Only time will tell. So until Season 6 rolls around with more craziness to keep up with, call in the Clean-Up Squad, crack open a body-temperature one and praise Billith!

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, Jon, Michelle

Table of Contents:

0:00 – 7:55 – Intro’s + Our first experience with Star Wars
7:55 – 15:20 – What makes Star Wars such a big Effing deal?
15:20 – 21:20 – Things we don’t like so much
21:20 – 51:10 – The Great Debate, do the prequel movies really suck? Are the old movies really all that great?
51:10 – 59:15 – Final thoughts
59:15 - 1:09:49 – Open discussion, wrap up

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is, what else, the Star Wars theme by John Williams.

Break two audio is from CLERKS, a popular cult classic by Kevin Smith, Miramax Films.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Marcus, Steve, Ben

Table of Contents

0:00 – 5:00 – Intros + Diablo Followup
5:00 – 19:00 – What games have we played, and what’s a Bioware game, anyway?
19:00 – 1:08:00 – Discussing the games: Baldur’s Gate, KOTOR, Jade Empire, Dragon Age (franchise), and Mass Effect (franchise). Likes, dislikes, romances, characters, DLC, and more.
1:08:00 – 1:20:42 – Open Discussion + Wrapup

Audio Credits

Break One audio is the Main Theme of Mass Effect by Sam Hulick and Jack Wall.

Break Two audio is the Main Theme of Dragon Age: Origins, by Inon Zur

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Jon, Christin, Rob, Marcus

Table of Contents

0:00 – 6:20 – Intros + our experience (or lack there of) with DC comics
6:20 – 22:35 – General discussion on comics, reboots, DC vs Marvel, etc
22:35 – 31:15 – Justice League discussion
31:15 – 37:10 – Animal Man discussion
37:10 – 47:00 – Wonder Woman discussion (+ costumes tangent)
47:00 – 56:30 – Batman discussion
56:30 – 1:03:05 – Final Thoughts
1:03:05 – 1:07:48 – Fantasy Summer Box Office Finale
1:07:48 – 1:17:24 – Temporary farewell to Rob + Open Discussion and Wrap up

Audio Credits:

Break One audio is the theme to the Warner Bro’s animated series Justice League.

Break Two audio is the theme to the Warner Bro’s animated series The New Batman/Superman Adventures.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, Rob, Jon

Table of Contents

0:00 – 6:00 – Intros + When did you see the original?
6:00 – 20:50 – Remakes, can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without em.
20:50 – 35:10 – The 90′s original, alcohol begins kicking in
35:10 – 1:02:10 – We tried to talk about the new Total Recall, but we were too drunk… tooooo drunk.
1:02:10 - 1:08:30 – Final Thoughts and Ratings
1:08:30 – 1:18:15 – Fantasy Summer Box Office update, Open Discussion, and Wrap Up

Audio Credits

Break one audio is from the trailer for the original 1990 version of Total Recall, property of TriStar Pictures.

Break two audio is from the trailer for Columbia Pictures 2012 remake of Total Recall.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Marcus, Rob, Steve

Table of Contents

0:00 – 3:40 – Intros + experience with SC2/Starcraft
3:40 – 31:50 – Pro-Gaming discussion, spectating, culture, and appeal of Starcraft
31:50 – 50:25 – GSL Code S finals discussion, MC vs Seed
50:25 – 1:01:45 – Final thoughts
1:01:45 – 1:15:45 – Open Discussion, Shoutouts, Wrap-up

Audio Credits

Break one audio is the Terran theme from Blizzard’s Stracraft 2.

Break two audio is NERD ALERT – Void Rays by the awesomely talented Husky and Kurt Hugo Schnieder. Please check out their videos.

The finale audio is PSY’s GANGNAM STYLE.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Jon, Christin, Michelle, Rob

Table of Contents

0:00 – 4:27 – Intros + What’s your favorite rendition of Batman?
4:27 – 7:15 – Rob on the “Batman Blackout”
7:15 – 15:40 – Prior Batman movies
15:40 -  27:33 – The Dark Knight Rises speculation, hype and concerns
27:33 – 56:15 – The Dark Knight Rises post-viewing discussion (SPOILERS)
56:15 – 1:03:30 – Final Thoughts and ratings
1:03:30 – 1:18:49 – Fantasy Summer Box Office Update + Open Discussion + Wrapup

Audio Credits

Break one audio is the “Batman Theme” by Neal Hefti

Break two audio is from the Debut Trailer for the Dark Knight Rises

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Michelle, Christin, Rob

Table of Contents

0:00 – 3:54 – Intros + How familiar are you with Bradbury?
3:54 – 47:05 – Book discussion including:
- Writing Style
- Bradbury’s thesis
- Where can we see this world today?
- The ending
- Final Thoughts
47:05 – 1:00:21 – Fantasy Summer Box Office Update / Open Discussion / Wrap up

Audio Credits

Break audio was found  here in a posting by youtube user MisterMaxHeadroom.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Rob, Jon, Christin

Table of Contents:

0:00 – 8:25 – Introductions + Spiderman the character
8:25 – 20:25 – The Raimi Movies (I- III)
20:25 – 48:34 – The Amazing Spiderman reactions/discussion
48:34 – 55:15 – Final thoughts, rating the movie, and hidden scene discussion
55:15 – 57:28 – Fantasy Summer box office update w/ Rob
57:28 – 1:06:21 – Open discussion, wrap up

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is from the Simposons Movie, property of 20th Century FOX.

Break two audio is Andrew Garfield at San Diego Comicon 2011.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Jon, Michelle, Christin

Table of Contents:

0:00 – 4:28 – Introductions + what did you watch the MOST in the 90′s?
4:28 – 10:19 – 90′s Movies
10:19 – 23:30 – 90′s TV
23:30 – 26:50 – 90′s Comics
26:50 – 33:13 – 90′s Games
33:13 – 40:40 – 90′s Books
40:40 – 47:18 – What’d we forget to mention?
47:18 – 50:38 – Fantasy Summer Box Office update
50:38 – 59:10 – Open Discussion + Sign off

Audio Credits:

Break one audio is from IFC’s Portlandia.

Break two audio is from FOX’s Family Guy.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, Rob, Jon

Table of Contents:

0:00 – 4:08 – Introductions + favorite animated movies growing up
4:08 – 13:30 – Jeff and Jon talk 3D production
13:30 – 18:00 – Brave discussion
18:00 – 22:15 – The Disney / Pixar relationship
22:15 – 41:25 – Our top 3D animated movies
44:25 – 56:20 – Our top traditional animated movies
56:20 – 1:07:46 – FSB update + Open Discussion + Sign off

Audio Credits:

Break audio is from Disney/Pixar’s Brave and Disney/Pixar’s Finding Nemo.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, Rob, Jon

Table of Contents:

00:00 – 4:53 – Introductions + When did you first read Watchmen?
4:53 – 30:40 – Watchmen discussion
30:40 – 1:00:45 – Before Watchmen discussion
1:00:45 – END – FSB update + Open Discussion + Sign off

Audio Credits:

First break audio is from the Watchmen film by Zack Synder / Legendary Pictures (dist. Wander Bro’s).

Second break audio is from the youtube classic Saturday Morning Watchmen by the amazingly talented Harry Partridge.

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Christin, Rob, Jon

Table of Contents:

0:00 – 4:30 – Introductions and theater experience
4:30 – 1:01:07  – Prometheus Discussion
1:01:07 - 1:08:55 – Final thoughts and ratings
1:08:55 - 1:11:45 – Fantasy summer box office update
1:11:45 + Open Discussion, Gosu.com update / Sign Off

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Rob, Jon, Michelle, with special guest Ben

Table of Contents:

0:00 – 3:00 – Introductions
3:00 – 29:50 – Game of Thrones Season 2 discussion, characters, places, subplots, etc.
29:50 – 43:00 – Tell us how you really feel with Ben + Panel reactions, adaptation discussion.
43:00 – 55:18 – Favorite and least favorite aspects of the season
55:18 – 1:02:20 – Final Thoughts and ratings.
1:02:20 – 1:09:14  – Fantasy Summer Box Office update!
01:09:14 + Open Discussion, Gosu.com update / Sign Off

I, Claudius, like Game of Thrones, comes in book and TV form. First written in 1934 by Robert Graves, well known classical scholar and translator, the book was adapted  along with its sequel Claudius the God into a relatively accurate 13 episode BBC miniseries in 1976. It’s set in the city of Rome at the dawn of the empire, late in the reign of the first emperor Augustus, successor to Julius Caesar (who was never “technically” emperor). Rome was not set up to be an empire and the people (especially the senators) balked at the idea of supreme leadership; even Augustus would talk about restoring the Republic someday. However, those closest to absolute power, like Augustus’ wife Livia, were not so eager to give over control to a group of pompous senators. It’s a familiar goal: keep the power, keep the empire. The story is all told by Claudius, member of the royal family yet still a Republican. He has access to much of the scandal since no one takes much notice of him due to his twitching, limping, and stammering impediments. Everyone thinks he’s an idiot and lets him remain present and graciously unpoisoned.

At nearly 40 years old, the series does not rival the production quality of Game of Thrones. Every scene is indoors on a set, and you’re going to hear the same music cue over and over again. Cardboard sets don’t matter when the characters are this good, however. Sian Phillips’ Livia, clearly the best characterization in the series, could bat Cersei Lannister around in her paw all morning and have her poisoned by lunch. She gets so intimidating in just a few episodes that anyone who goes to visit her chambers just immediately falls to their knees and apologizes for everything. Her forgiveness is also more terrifying than her indifference: Livia owns you now and that probably means you have to rat out all your friends. Cersei gets power by lying and covering up the truth, Livia keeps power by unveiling truths about everyone else. She’s unspeakably evil, even her own sons aren’t safe. Phillips is clearly having so much fun playing her.

It wouldn’t be a royal family without some crazy people to make things more interesting. In comes John Hurt as Caligula, simpering and bouncing around, deciding he’s Zeus when really he’s just got a bad case of seizures. There is one scene that’s so deliciously nasty it can’t be spoiled. Let’s just say that Caligula was insecure about his legacy being usurped, even from rivals still gestating. Crazy crap like that cannot be rivaled by molten gold helmets or menstruation monsters in mirrors (RIP Renly). On the less crazy, more scheming side, there’s also Patrick Stewart and John Rhys-Davies (Picard and Gimli) looking positively fetal when compared to their more well known roles. Patrick Stewart has hair! They serve as the emperor’s support systems, enacting their crazy “justice” and taking the grisly beheading work into their own hands.

There aren’t quite as many boobs as Game of Thrones (what, were you watching for the riveting plot?) but nothing on TV does outside Cinemax at 3am. There aren’t NO boobs, mind you, just fewer. While the menfolk (and Livia) are killing off anyone who stands in their way, the unsupervised wives and daughters are banging their way through Rome. Literally. All of it. It’s hilarious to watch Brian Blessed as Augustus walk around a room full of men asking “did you sleep with my daughter? And you? And you? Just once? Oh okay then.” Caligula uses the imperial palace as a brothel to pay off his massive debts. Yet another woman has a contest with a prostitute to see who can sleep with the most men in one day. 24 hours and some very mussed hair later, the prostitute declares her royal rival the winner. Even Tyrion Lannister would blush.

Plus it’s all true…. more or less. Rome invented the gossip blogger and Graves uses the worst of the worst rumors to aid the plot, the juicier the better. Then again, if you want to be able to rattle off the first five emperors in order (Augustus, Tiberius, Caligula, Claudius, Nero) or just want to explain to loved ones who are passing by why you’re watching orgies, remember, it’s educational. It’s on the BBC. It’s not streaming anywhere yet so you’d have to get the DVDs but there are many things less entertaining to do in 13 hours than watch crazy Romans run around in togas. For extra bonus points, go all the way back and read the books. The adaptation is pretty faithful but there are a few more plot twists and character beats that they just couldn’t cram in to the series. Whether in Rome or in Westeros, the subtleties of ascension to power cannot be contained in a single television series.

The publication of 50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James sheds light on the thin line between original content and fan work and what people are clamoring to read. The book was originally published online as Twilight fanfic. That’s right, Twilight fanfic. Then James changed the names (and little else) and published the new, “original” work as an e-book. The book’s history is common knowledge amongst its readers, but  has has that hurt sales? Of course not.

It’s also hardly the first book that owes a lot to its predecessor. In fact, it has less to do with its source material than books like Wide Saragasso Sea, The Wind Done Gone, or Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. When the time, location, profession, names, and character traits are all different, how is it even fanfic? It’s “inspired by” at best. At that point, why mention its origins at all? Every author was inspired by someone else’s work. I’m sure even Homer and the Anonymous dude who belted out Beowulf got a few ideas from some drunk friends.

It’s a marketing ploy, hoping to capture some of the Twilight fervor that has (willingly or not) captured the interest of millions. Again, not the first of its kind. From the “highbrow” Gertrude and Claudius by John Updike to the multitude of Mr. Darcy books, there are plenty of authors who put down a book and thought “good, but I wish there was more sex.” Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (and its offspring) is the same, but with violence. Because why not? Yeah, taking a steamy character like Mr. Darcy and kicking his knickers off is pandering, but if there’s an audience (and obviously there is), go for it.

There’s more to fan fiction than satisfying primitive urges, though. Wide Saragasso Sea, Wind Done Gone, Rosencrantz and Guildernstern are Dead (and many others) are all about flipping the script. Or, to be precise, they are about looking at the same story from a different point of view, using the framing, not the content, as the message. Hey, maybe that English colonialist isn’t so blameless in his sham marriage. Maybe we shouldn’t turn a blind eye to the slaves that did all the work in a Georgia plantation. Maybe Hamlet was kinda a douche. They could almost be written as stand-alone novels with original characters except for the asset of name recognition. These books in particular are addressing stereotypes or things readers assume to be true. Rather than build up a world only to tear it down, they take a world that already exists, that we’ve already spent pages and pages on, and turns it on its head.

It makes the readers culpable: not only did the author present this biased world, you didn’t even question it.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with any of this, not the books with a message, and not even the “mommy porn” (note: blech!) either. There is nothing wrong with fanfic. It’s a word that is too often used pejoratively.  Twilight was often described as “like fanfic.” It isn’t. It’s like BAD fanfic. There is a ton of it out there, but it’s on the internet, it’s free, and you don’t have to read some teenager’s fantasy about Orlando Bloom coming to take her to the prom (note: I’ve seen this, it’s real). There is also a ton of good fanfic. Some of it barely has a plot, some have plots to rival the original work. There is some Harry Potter fic out there, written between books 6 and 7 that rivals the horcrux hunts in Deathly Hallows. A lot of it could be worthy of being published. Just because something is put on the internet for free does not mean that it’s bad, just as getting published and sold doesn’t make a piece of writing any good.

Any hand wringing about the end of original characters is misplaced. The Song of Achilles came out this year, and that’s about one of the oldest characters… ever. It’s even got a fanfic-worthy premise: all that Patroclus/Achilles, will they/won’t they subtext? TEXT! The original Greek playwrights (Sophocles, Euripides, Aeschylus) all wrote about the same cursed families, Orestes, Achilles, Atreus, etc. but they weren’t just recounting events, they were using the stories to make statements about their own time. This was seen as more creative than just making something up out of thin air. Writing something new about characters that already exist is older than, well, writing. The only worthiness factor of an adaptation is the quality: the characters don’t have to be original. The author does.

Stephenie Meyer is charitable to E.L. James, saying, ”I haven’t read it. I mean, that’s really not my genre, not my thing… I’ve heard about it; I haven’t really gotten into it that much. Good on her — she’s doing well. That’s great!” Here’s hoping that James will be just as charitable when someone writes the inevitable 50 Shades of Grey fanfic.

Moderator: Jon

Panelists: Rob, Christin, Michelle

Table of Contents:

0:00 – 1:44 – Introductions
1:44 – 22:43 – Alien/Prometheus discussion
22:23 – 54:45 – The Great Gatsby and Book to Movie adaptation wishlist
54:45 – 01:01:23 – Fantasy Summer Box Office update!
01:01:23 + Open Discussion / Sign Off

Moderator: Rob

Panelists: Jon, Christin, Michelle

Table of Contents:

0:00 – 4:45 – Introductions
4:45 – 40:25 – Battleship reactions
40:25 – 48:40 – Battleship wrap up / Ratings
48:40 – 59:40 – Other Toy / Movies possibilities
59:40 – 1:02:00 – Fantasy Summer Box Office Update
1:02:00 + Open Discussion / Sign Off

Moderator: Jeff

Panelists: Marcus, Steve, Ben

Table of Contents:

0:00-5:55 – Introductions
5:55 – 38:18 – Diablo II Retrospective
38:18 – 1:06:54 – Diablo III Beta Impressions / Discussion
106:54 – 1:14:44 – Open Discussion and Wrap Up

Live from the Berkshires, a Jeff-less gang discusses Ridley Scott’s original Alien, book to movie adaptations, and other delicious nerdery

The matches begin on Tuesday with DRG (Z) against the Virus (T). Since falling into Code A, DRG has been nearly unstoppable. The only weakness he’s shown in past matches is against Terran, where his win-rate is only 62.38% (TLPD). Of course, this percentage would be impressive on any other player. Virus has proven to be a Code S level player when at his best. Unfortunately, his best isn’t what we always see, and his worst match-up is against Zerg.

Prediction: DongRaeGue 2-0 Virus

The next match-up is between former Code S players BBoongBBoong and last season’s runner-up, Genius. Neither of these players are major competitors at foreign tournaments (at least not since Genius won at Blizzcon two years ago), but both have had a measure of success in the Korean scene. It’s notable that BBoongBBoong and Genius have already played this season in the group stage and Genius took the match two games to one, making the series difficult to predict. Genius, however, has proven to be a far more consistent player throughout the GSL competitions.

Prediction: Genius 2-0 BBoongBBoong

Jjakji is another former GSL Champion fighting through Code A and Symbol is another incredible Korean player prepared to steal Code S from him. The story has been told many times throughout this season. There is a Code S level player fighting to retain that position and a hungry Code B or Code A player is salivating for the opportunity to move through the bracket to secure their own. Symbol will be a tough opponent for this reason. He hasn’t had much experience in GSL, having only participated in GSTL and making a name for himself in online tournaments. He thinks he’s ready to take a Code S position, but Jjakji will prove him wrong.

Prediction: Jjakji 2-1 Symbol

The aLive v. Leenock match will be one of the more competitive in this group. In the international scene, aLive has proven he is a player to be feared by winning the IPL 4. Leenock is an impressive Zerg player and has been a contender for GSL Champion on a few occasions. Both of these players are extremely young and didn’t play Brood War professionally. Their TvZ and ZvT statistics are comparable so I expect these games to be fairly close even if a player cheeses or goes for early timing attacks.

Prediction: aLive 2-1 Leenock

The next four matches are all ZvT (except for one TvT). GuMiho and July will be a fun match to watch. Both of these players have been at Code S level at some point in their careers. That said, July has a better chance to secure a Code S spot. One may say he has not been playing well, but the match with Leenock was not a good indication of his full potential. GuMiho just hasn’t played as many matches against Zerg players in a tournament setting lately. Most of his GSL matches have been against Terran and Protoss. ZvT is historically July’s best matchup.

Prediciton: July 2-1 GuMiho

Bomber versus Sniper is an easier match to predict. Bomber simply has too much tournament experience to allow Sniper to continue. Sniper has been in Code A since last year sitting their comfortably but has never shown an ability to rise to the occasion and defeat a player on the level of Bomber. Everyone expects MarineKing to roll over YugiOh and I can’t disagree. MarineKing would arguably still be in Code S if he hadn’t been playing on almost zero sleep in his last match. He’s been too good lately to not make Code S again for next season.

Prediction: Bomber 2-0 Sniper

TheStC is another player that participates in many online tournaments (his TLPD record is longer than one might think). His reputation as a strong Terran extends all the way back to the beta. GhostKing, formerly known as Byun, is a reasonably strong Terran player with a strong history in Code A. He’s got very strong macro and I would love to see him succeed, but I think TheStC is going to take it with some tactical trickery.

Prediction: TheStC 2-0 GhostKing

Thursday’s headliner may be MC v. GanZI, but the first is Keen v. MMA may be even more entertaining. That said, after MMA’s win over aLive at Iron Squid, I don’t believe there’s any way for Keen to win. MMA showed that if it comes to a marine-tank composition battle, he will win. Keen has to be creative and innovative in the match-up in order to take it. He will get outplayed if he attempts to win by conventional means.

Prediction: MMA 2-0 Keen

Creator has become a formidable player on the Korean scene in the last five months. His macro is devastatingly efficient and Maru’s worst matchup is his TvP. Creator could take this quite easily if Maru comes into the match unprepared. Maru will have to find some way to interrupt his opponent’s macro, but I don’t see that happening.

Prediction: Creator 2-0 Maru

In the next match-up, it’s not a stretch to say out-right that MC will defeat GanZi. Granted, they are both Code S level players, but MC’s play style dominates the more conservative GanZi’s. If MC continues his trend of solid play, it’s going to be academic.

Prediction: MC 2-0 GanZi

FOrGG and Happy is another tight match. Happy has a decent GSL win ratio at 57.8%, but his TvT is not up to par with fOrGG. That skill discrepancy will be a setback that will be very difficult for him to overcome.

Prediction: fOrGG 2-1 Happy

Everyone we expect to be in Code S next season will be. MMA, MarineKing, and DongRaeGue should no doubt be able to secure their spot. Others such as ForGG, GuMiho, and Symbol will be fighting for it. There are no guarantees for most of these matches. They are all incredibly competitive players and many have already had a Code S career before, but only the winners will advance.

I’ve said before that PvP is hard to predict, and this group is going to be filled with them. First is MC, the two time GSL champion and, of course, champion of many fans’ hearts. Whether he’s casting at Homestory Cup or dancing after a victory at MLG, his antics make him a leading fan favorite. It doesn’t hurt that he’s also a sick player. While he made his name developing fierce timing attacks for every matchup, he is more than capable of playing a long macro game. His PvP stats are outstanding (in GSL he has won over 80% of the sets he’s played). On name alone he is the favorite to win this group. His strength in that specific matchup only adds to the likelihood.

… or it should. In nearly any other group with this many Protoss players, it would. But against Oz and Squirtle, MC’s performance in PvP doesn’t seem quite so strong. Oz boasts a slightly higher win percentage, and Squirtle has literally never lost a televised PvP. Yes, that’s right, his win percentage stands at 100% in GSL sets. Now, he hasn’t been around since the very beginning like MC, but that is not a number that is easy to look past.

In a group so full of excellent Protoss powerhouses, it can be easy to overlook the Terran Maru. He is also fairly fresh to the GSL (largely due to his young age). He is only 14 (Korean), the youngest player to have played in the the league (sorry, Leenock). You wouldn’t know it from his play, though . He has climbed up all the way through Code A, and now has a shot at advancing into the round of 8 and securing his Code S status for next season. He’ll have his work cut out for him with these opponents, but it’s worth noting that none of them have particularly good PvT. Also, Maru only needs to concern himself with one match-up, where as the others have both PvP and PvT to worry about. These advantages may go a long way towards affecting the outcome of this group.

Predictions

*note, all sets after 2 are based on predictions.

Set 1: MC vs. Maru

While MC’s career numbers in PvT aren’t great, he has been around for a long time. There have been many Terran nerfs, Protoss buffs, and metagame shifts in that time. With today’s incarnation of the match-up, and Maru’s incredible inexperience compared to MC, the Protoss is the clear favorite to take this one. Maru’s only hope is an over-reliance on timings from MC.

MC 2-0 over Maru

Set 2: Oz vs. Squirtle

Two of the best PvP players in the world. While Squirtle has been perfect in the matchup, he hasn’t had the number of games that Oz has. I’m just hoping for some games that make it past 1 base. Either way, we’re all in for a very exciting series.

Squirtle 2-1 over Oz

Set 3: MC vs. Squirtle

Once again! Two of the best PvP players in the world. My prediction will run in the same direction although I would consider MC a greater threat to Squirtle than Oz. Even still I think Squirtle will take it.

Squirtle 2-1 over MC

Set 4: Oz vs. Maru

Last season, Oz lost in the round of 16 due almost completely to his choking against MMA. In the time since then he has improved his confidence and I believe this will lead to greater success in a match-up that he understands as well as the best PvT players. As long as Oz can keep himself together he will send Maru down to Code A.

Oz over Maru 2-1

Set 5: MC vs. Oz

Another epic PvP. MC’s control will help him edge out victories in faster games while Oz’ management gives him an advantage in longer matches. In the end, I think MC will be able to push himself past Oz with his brutal early game efficiency.

MC 2-1 over Oz

Squirtle and MC will advance to the round of 8

Maru and Oz will fall down to Code A

During the brief break from the GSL, Starcraft fans were treated to the second of MLG’s new arenas. Considering that this group contains 2 of the 8 players invited to that tournament, the results are worth into account. Just one week ago this group would easily have been handed to Parting. His failure to even place in the top six at MLG, however,  is cause for concern. His play did not seem up to his usual ability, and many fans are left to wonder what got in his way. Artosis even theorized that he was saving himself for the GSL, trying not to reveal his builds and style for the upcoming games. While PvT is easily his best matchup – he is, in fact the best PvT player in the world according to his GSL history – he only managed to take 1 series against 3 different Terran players over the weekend. It is also worth noting that he has never fared well against MarineKing (including at this MLG Arena). The one exception was in the GSTL, and that game ended up being replayed due to an infamous drop thanks to Battle.net’s lack of LAN.

Furthering the risk to Parting’s GSL life, TheSTC has a fantastic record against Protoss. While he can’t claim MarineKing’s stats, he was won nearly 2/3 of his games televised TvPs. Likewise, Liquid’s newest member TaeJa has similarly superb stats. These three Terran would be near the top of a list of players any Protoss would want to avoid. The ultimate question for viewers will be: is Parting slumping? Did he have a bad weekend that he can leave behind him or was it something deeper? Or, perhaps as Artosis theorized, was he just avoiding revealing his plans in the PvT matchup for the larger purse that the GSL offers? Only time will tell, but that won’t stop this previewer from trying to offer predictions.

Predictions

*note, all sets after 2 are based on predictions.

Set 1: Parting vs. TheSTC

Despite my ominous introduction, I find myself unable to go against the grain. I can’t see Parting losing to a non-MarineKing Terran in the GSL. Whether it was a slump or a stylistic choice that led to his poor performance, I think the Parting that we see in less than 24 hours will be the one we’re used to. He will put TheSTC away without much fanfare.

Parting 2-0 over TheSTC

Set 2: MarineKing vs. TaeJa

While preparing to write this article I discovered something that surprised me. MarineKing, currently considered by many to be the best player in the world, has barely adequate TvT in his GSL history. This is particular surprising given that the GSL is the tournament where many people have been made or destroyed by their ability to play TvT. As viewers know, MarineKing has been a consistent player for the past few months. His overall winrate, however, stands at only a 50% in the match-up. TaeJa and TheSTC, on the other hand, are sitting pretty above 65%. As strongly as this weighs on any predictions for the upcoming group, the details of his performance must be equally strong. A closer look reveals that MarineKing has won every televised TvT he has played so far in 2012. He has clearly improved his TvT play. Most importantly, I am a huge MarineKing fan since he first split his marines against Kyrix on Shakuras Plateau and have decided I will never bet against him. Pardon the bias. He’ll drop a game, but take the series.

MarineKing 2-1 over TaeJa

Set 3: Parting vs. MarineKing

Here’s the match-up everyone is begging for. For my prediction I’m again going to refer to last weekend’s MLG Arena, as I believe it is a sure sign of what’s to come. MarineKing very simply has Parting’s number. Be it a slumping Parting or a Parting playing at his best, MarineKing’s TvP style will continue to get the best of him for the foreseeable future. Parting should hope they don’t meet in a higher rounds of the GSL, because this is where his PvT ability slams into a wall.

MarineKing 2-1 over Parting

Set 4 TheSTC vs. TaeJa

Two truly stellar TvT players. I’m going to base this prediction on recent success. While TaeJa has been hot and cold in the last few months, TheSTC has been literally untouchable for the entirety of 2012. What’s surprisingly fun about this match-up is the variety of viable styles. These two are capable of defensive meching as well as aggressive bio. I think this will be a lot of fun, but ultimately TheSTC will pull it out.

TheSTC 2-1 over TaeJa

Set 5 Parting vs. TheSTC

A rematch of the first set. TheSTC is too good of a player to fall down directly but I don’t believe Parting will drop a set in PvT to anyone but MarineKing. I’d love to be surprised (if only to see exactly how it’s done by someone without MarineKing’s particular abilities), but I don’t expect it to happen here.

Parting 2-1 over TheSTC

MarineKing and Parting advance to the round of 8

TheSTC and TaeJa fall to Code A